VeXaLL's.

2011-05-01T06:41:00.003+08:00

I know I'm not a good son. What a sentence to start off a post. Well I find it really hard to open up to my dad and mum for some reason. Probably because of the talks we normally engage in. In the past, it's always about what they think and never about what I think. This resulted in the mentality that I have all the time when they are interested to have a talk with me. I always shut everything they say down. I don't wish to hear anything because I know it's always about persuading me to follow what they want. Even if I were to try to convince them, it would normally fall on deaf ears. It might be due to the barrier that we have: most of the time we don't see each other. And also because of this, they seem to only want me to follow their instructions and all, because they don't want to worry so much. Thus all I could do is to follow.

Now, when I decided to voice out my opinions, do they slowly try to accept the fact that I've my own thinking. It's evident that they still try to persuade me because of their traditional thinking, but I feel that I have the choice to make my decisions more liberally now. Nevertheless, I think that they should try to open up, try to understand that there are always other solutions to a problem, likewise there are always rules that can be flexible. It's only when you try to think of more solutions rather than the one and only solution, will you see that there are actually many other better solutions out there. There can never be a best solution to a problem, other than a math one.

I understand that parents will never stop worrying for their children, no matter how old they are. In their eyes, children will forever be children. It's almost impossible to not think of the many dangers that might be awaiting their children out there. In a parent's eyes, a child must always be looked from above, from far away, within the reach, so that the parent can save the child from any danger. I understand that point, but only if the child starts to encounter failures, will the child start to grow up mentally. I wouldn't say that I encounter many failures that benefit me a lot throughout this 20 years, but I feel that I've began to see things in different perspectives. I really want them to trust me that every move that I take, I will consider the risks, and try to minimize any harm done. Of course, there are still many things that can't be predicted by pure judgment.

2011-04-10T21:52:00.002+08:00

there are many times in life where you really feel like just disappearing into thin air. you just hope everything comes to an end. but when you're enjoying life, you will never harbor the though of wanting to die. humans are like that, animals alike. we all just want to enjoy the good times and want to skip the bad times like how you skip bad moments in a video. how many people wish that they can just delete away memories and events that they don't want to remember from their life like right clicking a file and deleting it, after which clearing the recycle bin. however, it's evident that we all can't have everything the way we want it. nevertheless, we should really face our problems with an open heart, willing to accept failures is the way to go. it's only when you learn to accept the bad times of life, will you enjoy life to the fullest. when you go through hardship, you'll learn how to cherish things that never seemed important in your life, or rather, insignificant.

inspirational thoughts aside, i think that i should start picking up academically or rather socially. after being in this organisation for too long, it's inevitable that one would become rather 'brain dead'. i wish to study mass communications or video design, though i still prefer the former. i think that being able to write a piece of work that will be read by others feels rather fulfilling, especially when others remember your work. it's something that can't be achieved overnight and only through experience and reputation. even if i were to be able to show the masses a small piece of work that might probably brighten up their day or something close, i think it'd be a very good first step. i guess the only way to go about doing this is education. like many say, education is the remedy to poverty. i think i have to improve myself during this time that i have for myself, though i'm rather tied up with obligations. and after i'm free from these ties, i would be able to be fresh in my thinking and be able to study mass communications and eventually be a journalist. i definitely have lots to improve, it's a big world out there.

2011-03-30T21:36:00.003+08:00

what could i possibly keep myself busy with for this remaining time that i've left? i really do hope i can find out soon. the 'empty' and 'futile' time that i've been spending for the past 6 months is wearing me out, psychologically. i'm not really a person that enjoys having a mind without any thoughts. i need to be constantly thinking of something, of course something that makes sense and isn't a waste of time. i need something to look forward to in other words. i need some sort of motivation so that i am able to continue moving on without swaying to other sides of the road.

i want to pick skills that will help me in the future in the society. i'm still thinking of what could i probably do, which really troubles me a lot. i do not wish to be idling around doing nothing that will benefit my life in the near future. probably taking up courses would be a good idea, but with the limited time i have, i think my choices might be rather few. i need something inspirational... this is one of the points in life where you feel very lost. you seem to have lost yourself in the middle of nowhere and you're trying your best to get back on track.

the only thing i look forward to now is every friday... i think that's pretty pathetic. i want to be doing something that is beneficial and poof, it's friday. that feeling is indescribably great because you know that you haven't been doing nuts and you deserve the weekend. now i just feel that i'm taking every day for granted, just waiting for time to pass. this is the thinking of a sloth, just eating and sleeping and wait for time to pass. damn!!! when can i get out of this zone, i want to be back on track. back to the days where i have things to look forward to, things that i wanna accomplish etc. maybe i really do need to take up a course, even if it means no recreational time. ah, i wish someone could advice me what to do now. i don't need the best of all solutions, but just a decision. it doesn't matter what the outcome is, as long as you know you're in control and you make a decision. it's better to regret doing it than not to have the chance to even regret at all. at least i know i've tried.

2011-03-30T03:24:00.002+08:00

i've gotta admit, there are things going through my mind... i'm sure this insomnia didn't come just like that. i'm really quite fed up with what i've to put up with. there are many things in life that you can't control, especially when it doesn't directly involves yourself. and i think all this while music has been making me sleep more soundly. it might be one of the reasons why i've been losing sleep without listening to music while i sleep i guess.

right now i'm wide awake though i know mentally i'm quite exhausted. i really dun wish for this to continue, hope music will bring me back my refreshing sleep that i used to have everyday. i've been lacking this sufficient sleep that i'm longing for since a very long time. i think i rather rush in the early morning than to wake up too early and can't get back to sleep. i think life in singapore is already so hectic and if we're deprived of even the basic need like sleep... alright i can't think of an appropriate word to use, but i'm dying to get some sleep man...

let's just say that everyday in here is so boring that i've started to think about things that never crossed my mind. the more issues accumulated in my mind, the more my mind is occupied. the more my mind is occupied, the more i think before sleep and here i am, insomnia. i think the time i have all to myself is reducing and probably i'm starting to lose myself. probably i need more time alone, as in at home, so that i can have myself back. i believe to a certain extent that we all need our space, we all need that 'time' for us to regenerate from all things that have been happening in between your last rest. probably this insomnia might be due to this...

let's say i'm a person who needs quiet time with music to sort out my thoughts. i've been rushing my entire time during this 6 months or so, that i dun really have much time to stop and think. the limited time that i have is putting lots of stress on me, and i should really STOP, sit, and think. my thoughts are all clustered together, seems to be an entangled rope, pretty much screwed one. i never tried to seek much help from others when it comes to thoughts, because i felt that no one would understand me better than myself. i just need quality time, all to sort out my thoughts.

okay the first thing on my mind is of course, holiday! definitely something that i need. a time where i can enjoy without any worries that anyone would try and contact me and disrupt my relaxing time. secondly is refreshing sleep without any significant dreams that i would remember after i wake up or while i'm asleep. my desired lean tummy. i know this sounds a little gay or girlish or whatever you wanna call it, but it's really quite important i think. next would a healthy lifestyle which i think i'm already trying to maintain. exercise, not too many unhealthy food etc... last but not least of course, good relationships with the people i think about every now and then, pretty much everyone in my social circle. there's a similarity in all my wants, basically it all leads to a healthy person. healthy thinking, healthy sleeping habits, healthy body, healthy psyche, healthy everything.

right now, i'm not so healthy on the sleeping side... and probably quite messed up somewhere else too. but i'm sure i'll sort this it soon.

2011-01-28T08:17:00.002+08:00

TGIF!!! I guess I'm gonna buy a new pair of shoes for this CNY, since I've been using the same old shoes from converse since a few years ago. Probably getting another converse shoes but not the same design of course. Maybe checkered? Maybe striped? I guess my budget should be about 100 bucks. Of course if I could get a rather cheap but durable one, I would. Thinking of getting some jeans too but perhaps I should wait a little while more; just bought 2 pairs of jeans recently.

When it comes to this obligation, of course there will be endless complaints. But this week seemed a bit more relaxed, and according to the rest that were here earlier than me, this is the standard life I would be having in here. I guess the last two weeks were hectic only because of the high-key exercise. I hope that time in here would be fulfilling instead of me idling my time away. Of course I help that there will be a chance for me to learn something that is useful and will definitely benefit me in the time to come. But with what I'm doing now, the chances seem to be slim. Nevertheless, if I am able to apply for a night class that probably involves media studies or some sort related to that, I won't mind. Likewise, if there is a course that might have prospects when I'm released back to the society, I would willingly take it up too.

According to my other unit mates that are going to leave/had left, the time will pass by and soon it'd be our turn to be free once again. The process might be long, but what's most important is actually being able to reach the finishing point. Though the process might be torturing, be it physically or mentally, depending on which unit we are going to spend our time in, being able to finish this journey nonetheless will be satisfying. Besides, it's our "longest break" that we can ever have in our life. Which phase of our life gives us this 22 months or 2 years that totally cut us off the society, rendering us with stress-free life? Of course there are still different kinds of stress, but when it comes to accommodation and food, we'll never be shortchanged in here.

With that, I have about 19 plus more months to go in here, I hope that when the new people come in, my life will start to get better and better. Of course many will say that life in here is excellent already, but humans are never content, and what's the actual definition of "good life"? As long as I'm not deprived of the basic needs, I'm quite sure I'm able to survive in here. As long as there are rewards after tasks, I'm sure anyone would be happy enough to continue moving on.

With that said, I hope that the upcoming year would be a great one. One can never settle with a definite new year resolution, so I won't come up with one. I know myself, I won't follow this resolution and definitely would side-track at any point of time. Most importantly, I must make sure I won't regret not doing certain stuffs this year, and regret the next year.

2011-01-16T12:25:00.002+08:00

It's a sunday afternoon and I'm in here. I don't think it's really enjoying at all. Besides, there's nothing to do on a sunday morning in here. There's no one, only the duty personnel, and of course me, a sorry asshole in this place. Okay maybe not a sorry asshole but I'm really looking forward to the weekend. At least I'd spent my time well yesterday, bought 2 shirts, one violet and the other bluish purple. Bought KOI and walked around bugis area. Managed to play house of the dead 4 till the last stage with 3 tokens with nick. I really think that we could have completed it if there wasn't any distortion on the arcade screen.

And I was pondering over this: Our earlier parts of our life may seem shorter because at a young age, there are limited things that we can do in the social world. But when we start to grow up, we're occupied with obligations and we only have the weekends to ourselves. Naturally, most of us would look forward to the weekends to enjoy. But when we look forward to weekends, our week seem to end pretty fast, especially when we're enjoying it. If you were to do this for every week, a month will fly by before you know it. Many of us want to grow up fast, but when we're getting older and older, we start to complain that we're not young anymore and we haven't enjoyed enough.

Looking back to the days when I was in primary and secondary school, I wished very much to age faster to above 16. I wished very much to finish my education phase so that I can start to enjoy 'social life'. In this case, of course, is to be able to be independent and not be tied down to our parents' curfews. After 16, most of us get a lot of freedom. Be it going out till late night, or even staying overnight in any other place except home, many of our parents start to let go of us. It's the time that we deserve after committing ourselves to studies. When I look at myself now, I felt that the past 4 years has flew by rather quickly. I was then a 'kid' in many eyes, but now, there's many things that I've to stand alone. I've learned many things that one way or another helped me along the way. I've learned that the world isn't as beautiful as it seemed to be in the past. Many things seem so nostalgic, even the simplest things like cartoons.

By the time I'm finished with my obligation with the nation, I would be almost 22 years old. Give me a couple years to get my degree and I'll be 24 or 25. Give me a couple of years to stabilize my career and I'll be 27 or 28. Time will pass very fast. Like what my friend said to me, "I can't believe I'll be 30 in less than 10 years...". It's hard to accept that everyone is aging, having to release ourselves from the "having fun" phase and into the "responsible" phase. All these are not emotional but more of realization. Time will pass very fast and I should better make good use of free time that I have. The only thing holding me back from learning more stuffs is my obligation. It all boils down to this obligation, damn it. Till then, I hope I get the most out of this, so at least I won't feel that I've let myself down.

2011-01-15T00:08:00.002+08:00

Today might be my favorite day, but i'm not that happy at all. I've just realized that many things in the society are covered up pretty well. People say that after going through this phase, you will become a better person. But why do those people who sign contracts prove me wrong? If this makes you a better person, why do so many of these people who supposedly be the role models of us act this way? Does status really matter that much? So does that mean that i'm a new person, but i do things their way, and still get treated like shit? At least treat me as another human or your subordinate and not treat me like trash? I dun see why these people want to continue their life in that organisation if they don't transform into a better person.

There are many hidden things that are out there and many of us won't know what they are until we experience it ourselves. I used to not believe what other people say, i chose not to believe too. But after experiencing it myself, i found out that things aren't always that simple. It doesn't mean that in every situation, treating the other parties well will bring you any good. There are people who do not appreciate kindness, there are people who prefer being in that small circle and be hostile to everyone else. These are the people who come out to the real world after staying so long in the tiny circle and have a culture shock.

I really hope that next week won't be as tiring as this week. If this continues for another week, i'm afraid i might just screw things up unintentionally. It may seem like a simple job to many, but when it comes to doing it yourself, it's really quite a feat. I used to think that my job would be rather relaxed because i've saw others do it too. But i just realized that if the manpower is really short, even the simplest possible thing you can think of, might strain you out. Just hope my time would pass pretty fast, and I would be able to enjoy the life that i used to have before all these. Of course, there isn't only cons of this. I've learnt how to cherish my weekends and free time more. I've learnt that not everything has a second chance, especially when it comes to this. Everything might seem a little far'fetched but that's because it's a sensitive issue, but i'm quite sure most of us understand what i'm driving at. *winks*

2011-01-12T19:44:00.000+08:00

It's another day in camp and it seems that i won't be able to see my bed any time soon. There is this exercise that i have to support the company with and everyone including my superiors won't be able to rest. It's an once-a-year exercise that is inevitable, at least for me.

Though i wish very much that i am able to smell my room, being in the lecture room beats those that have to endure the exercise that supposedly will stretch till friday early morning. Though i may be bored out in here, every day still has to go on. I may complain about particular days, but we are all here for the same reason-to be free from this responsibilty and obligation, at least for most of us.

Ah well, might as well plan what i'm going to do during my weekends? Oh wait a second, i have to report back to work on sunday for an obliged duty that everyone has to do every now and then. Just my saturday i guess. Hope that i'm able to rest and play well before another hectic week awaits me. Yes, next week will be the same old thing like this weds to fri.

Hmm, of course most importantly i have to play at least a game or two in the arcade. Not forgetting my all-time favorite bubble tea(barber tee), and probably old chang kee's chicken wing or tori-q's tontoro pork. I'm thinking of getting another pouch specially for my wallet and phone and stationery. My almost 10-year-old pouch is tearing apart, wear and tear i guess, age of the pouch matters too.

Alright, i guess this 2 weeks would be a challenge for me. My direct senior told me that if i am able to endure this, the rest of my obliged time in here would seem much easier. What i ask for now is just to be able to spend my every night at home, but this wish seems so bleak.

2009-07-27T22:55:00.001+08:00

Vacation Love

Chapter 2

"Err... not really that long lah. Don't be too haughty! You're just an average girl, I mean lady!" Alexius stuttered. In his eyes, though she seems to be older than him by probably 2-3 years, she still seems pretty young and like a beautiful girl.

"Haha! You said girl! I feel so young, I maintain my looks pretty well right?" the lady asked.

"Not really," Alexius said, nonchalantly. He wanted to disturb her a little.

"How can you say that to a lady!" the lady said, a bit irritated.

"Alright alright, you look pretty. You really caught my eye, I have to admit," Alexius said, to please her. He didn't want her to hate him so fast, at least not till he got her phone number or something.

"Are you trying to entertain me or are you telling the truth?!" the lady said. Alexius could tell the stare from the lady was quite intimidating.

"I... I'm really telling the truth! You're really pretty, I swear!" Alexius said, frantically and stuttering. He moved back a little, feeling a bit frightened of this petite but fierce lady.

"Haha! I got you there! You're really cute, especially when you seem so scared of me!" the lady laughed. Alexius was relieved but yet feel cheated a little. But the lady called him cute.

"Hey! I wasn't scared okay, I was just stating the facts. And how can you describe a man with the word cute?" Alexius looked at the lady, he could tell there's a sense of warmth from her brown eyes. She smiled at him as if there aren't any bad things happening in this world.

"Oh yes you are scared! And yes I can, I'm just stating the facts too!" the lady said, blushing a little. Alexius couldn't tell that she was blushing too though, it was quite obvious that both of them are enjoying each other's company.

"Alright, let's drop that subject. Tell me about what you think of death?" Alexius said.

"Death... Never had a very good idea of it. In fact, I can't stop thinking about death, even when I'm on this plane. I wanted to take a train or something, but don't think it's possible to take a train from Singapore to Taiwan, isn't it?" the lady said, her face totally changed when Alexius mentioned about death.

"Oh okay, it's alright if you're uncomfortable," Alexius said, trying to change the topic again.

"No, I want to talk about it, if not, I will feel terrible. I couldn't really talk to anyone about death, people would laugh at me," the lady said.

"Why would anyone laugh at you? Just because you're scared of death?" Alexius asked.

"Yes! There was this friend, she said that I was a coward. I mean, any human would be scared of death right? It's like the end, nothing comes back, nothing left. It's like you're asleep for eternity without any dreams. Even if there are dreams, you're trapped in the dream world forever, and you won't even be sure if it'd be a good dream or a nightmare. Okay I know this is sounding far'fetched..." the lady couldn't stop explaining why she was scared of death.

"No, I find it all logical. But to me, death is just part and parcel of life. I just suddenly talked about it, because I thought of my grandmother. She just passed away a week ago, and I'm going Taiwan to bury her, and have a vacation. She requested me to bury her bones there, she met her first love there..." Alexius said, his nose getting a little stuck.

"Oh... I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure she's a great grandmother, I could even tell that you're crying soon," the lady said.

"I'm not! Definitely not, I'm a strong grandson. I didn't even cry on her deathbed, well, she wouldn't want to see me cry too before she passes away. So I controlled my tears, till after she passed away..." Alexius said, a drip of tear trickled down his cheeks. He immediately turned to his drink and took a sip. He wanted to hide that drip of tear, it just came, without him even being able to control.

"Ah! I saw that," the lady said.

"Saw what? My... My tear?" Alexius said, trying his best to prevent any more tears.

"Haha! You really cried? I was just testing you, I swear I didn't see you cry," the lady teased him.

"What! You tricked me! No really, I didn't cry, your test failed!" Alexius said, not wanting to lose his face to this lady whom he met just two hours ago.

"Anyway, where are you heading to in Taiwan? I'm going to Simending, how about you?" the lady asked.

"Me too! Wanna join me for a while? Oh wait, why are you going to Simending anyway?" Alexius asked.

"Just to chill. I guess it'd be alright for me to join you, since I'm alone too. Have you been to Simending before? It's my first time..." the lady said.

"Simending is like my second home. I've been there many times, especially with my grandmother, but she passed away so... I'm here alone, and to bury her of course," Alexius said, feeling a little sad in his heart. He really missed his grandmother. His next closest kin weren't his parents, but his grandmother. She was like a best friend to Alexius, he could talk about anything to her; her demise was really a heavy blow for Alexius.

"Oh... Don't be too sad, I'll be here to accompany you!" the lady said. Alexius felt warmth in his heart. They continued chatting on and on that they almost lost track of time.

"Passengers onboard, please fasten your seat belts in 10 minutes, we'll be landing in Taiwan, Simending airport soon," the pilot spoke. Time passed really fast, especially with the company of someone whom you have chemistry with. Alexius and his new friend went back to their seats. They smiled at each other as they fastened their seat belts to get ready for the landing of the plane.

2009-07-17T21:38:00.008+08:00

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, came back here, decided to write more and play less. since after my usual 5/6pm in school, it's free time for me. gonna try to come up with more interesting stories, with higher tension and suspense, and of course, longer! but not draggy lol.

Vacation love (this story is adapted from a movie i've watched, not very sure what the name is though.)

Chapter 1

Why do people love to watch romantic comedies, be it movies or dramas, though they very well know that the ending is always the same? Well, humans are just like that, love is very important to every human being. It's not a want, but a need for love, this includes everyone. We all desire to be loved, we all desire to feel loved. It's something that makes your mood great and of course, have a feeling of blissfulness.

Do you believe that two strangers can actually like each other within hours? I couldn't believe myself either, but after I've watched this movie, i can be sure it's true. During vacations alone, one tends to be lonely and in need of company, and when someone enters your lonely vacation, affection develop very fast. Let's see what happens in my version of a story, about vacation love.

Alexius is an university graduate but he does not wish to further studies. Thus, he's here now, on this plane, heading to Taiwan for a vacation and a break away from the books that he face every single day. He wanted to try out the business class, or in other words, the first class seats on the airplane.

Alexius looked out of the plane window, admiring the beautiful clouds out in the blue sky. He watched how the plane slice through the clouds gracefully, as if the clouds are like candy floss. It was near sunset, and the sight was magnificent and romantic. If only someone could be beside him right now, preferably a woman, how sweet and mesmerizing it would be, he thought. He turned back to the plane's ceiling television, lost interest in Ice Age 2 within seconds. Ice Age 3 was already in the cinemas, and the business class television is still screening such an old animation movie. He turned to his left, just a few feets away from his single seat, was a lady sleeping. She's very pretty, just that maybe she could be slightly older than him. He decided to admire her beauty for a few more moments, but as he was in this trance, a plump and clumsy man walked past and bumped into the lady.

The lady woke up and stared at the plump man. You could tell that she was fuming with fury just by looking into her eyes. It seems like she would pummel this fat man any time with ease. She couldn't control her anger because the plump man's appearance was already a hindrance to her. If it was Brad Pitt who bumped into her, her expression would be the direct opposite. Alexius was sure that she would have apologized even when Brad Pitt was actually the one who bumped into her.

"Oversized container, which is the reason why so many are left hungry in the third world countries, can you look at where you're walking? Or is your tummy clouding your vision? Is it too huge that you can't see that there's someone sleeping here?" The lady sneered at the fat man. Everyone was shocked and amused at the same time, including the fat man. The latter seems to be frightened and intimidated by this petite lady which has just insulted him badly. He decides not to provoke her further and he apologized and walked away briskly.

Alexius' eyes were nearly open for a whole three minutes, till the fat man walked away. He was shocked that such a pretty and petite lady could spew out such insulting remarks that can shock the whole plane's passengers. However, it still didn't erase that beautiful sleeping face of hers from his mind. As she snuggled back to her seat, and fell asleep briefly after that, he continued to admire her. And before he knew it, he began to like her.

Alexius decided to take a drink at the airplane's mini bar, he unbuckled his safety belt and headed towards his destination. He sat on a seat at a corner, and slowly sipped his cocktail. He was still thinking of the lady that was sleeping soundly on the airplane seat. Just as he was having his second cocktail, a lady sat beside him. As an anti-social lone ranger, he didn't really pay attention to the lady; he was still fantasizing about the sleeping lady, and also reading a lifestyle magazine that was beside him.

"Excuse me sir, can I read that magazine too, if it's fine for you?" the lady asked. Alexius took the magazine and passed to the lady. He turned to her and to his surprise, it's the sleeping beauty!

"Oh sure," Alexius said, calmly. He didn't want to give away about how mesmerized he was with her earlier on. But his head just wouldn't listen to him, he kept turning to her, glanced a while, and turned back to his drink. His heartbeat was increasing, and his calmness slowly faded. He couldn't control himself and he decided to strike a conversation with this pretty but hotheaded lady.

"So, are you alone or are you with your family? Alexius asked, awkwardly.

"I'm alone, how about you? I saw you looking out the airplane window, I guess you're alone and lonely, haha!" the lady sniggered. She turned out to be a friendly person, just that probably if you wake her up while she's sleeping, she wouldn't even care if you were the king of england, she would still scold you.

"Yeah... But about the lonely part, that's not true. I just enjoy looking at how the airplane cuts through the clouds, it really soothes your heart and it's romantic," Alexius said.

"Hmm, I guess so. I would have done that too if I had gotten a window seat. You got the last window seat earlier on at the airport, I was just behind you. Lucky guy!" the lady said again, in a hearty tone. "She was noticing me all this while?" Alexius thought. He feels happy in his heart, but he can't express it, because it'd be awkward if she knew that he had been literally staring at her since she was sleeping till the time he decided to get a drink.

"Haha, maybe because I didn't take as much time as you to dress up at home, maybe it's just that few tens of minutes that made the seat difference!" Alexius joked back.

"No! I bet I can dress up faster than you do, and I don't put on make up. My complexion is 100% natural! But err... maybe... I did put on some foundation and some fake eye lashes, and some blush..." the lady said, and her tone became more and more guilty as she honestly mentioned about her make up. Not many girls can go out of their houses without make up, it's like a boost of self confidence.

"Haha, now do you see? This makes the difference. But well, if you don't mind, I can switch seats with you whenever you feel like looking out of the window," Alexius offered. He knew this would be his chance to get to know this lady better. Afterall, he felt very comfortable engaging a conversation with this pretty lady, who were just like other girls who put on make up to boost their self confidence.

"Really? If that is so, I will! But are you sure you want to go back to the boring seats now? It's really tiring to sit there for the next few hours, and it's quite hard to sleep, and just when I managed to fall asleep, a fat man woke me up!" the lady complained.

"Oh okay, we can stay here to chat for a while more. There's plenty of time anyway. Are you sure it's hard to fall asleep? I noticed you very long and I saw you fall asleep almost imme..." Alexius stopped. Did he just gave away that he looked at her for a very long time? He was praying in his heart that she wouldn't pay much attention to what he said. But he was wrong.

"You looked at me for very long? I know I'm pretty lah, but don't stare at me like that, I'll be shy, haha!" the lady joked. Alexius heaved a sigh of relief, he guessed that she enjoyed chatting with him too. If it would be any other girl, she would definitely think that Alexius is a big pervert staring at her for so long.

...to be continued ;D

2008-12-24T22:14:00.003+08:00

what's the most precious to you in your life? i guess, no one will ever know theirs. because you'll only know what's most precious to you only when you lose it.

2008-12-22T03:51:00.002+08:00

watching romance movies when you're down, be it sad romance or comedy romance, makes you feel like crying. lol.

2008-12-19T20:29:00.002+08:00

it's been so long since i last blogged. well, mainly because i have no mood to blog at all. and one of the other reasons are that i have work to do, and i'm lazy to log in to type. i guess i'll stop my stories here. you need mood and inspiration to think of stories right? short stories i'm able to think of won't be much entertaining anyway. anyway this post will just be some of my feelings for this whole while, doubt anyone will read till the end anyway haha.

i watched 200 pounds of beauty yesterday, i know it's kinda slow, this movie was screened two years ago. but it made me change the opinion of people who undergone plastic/cosmetic surgery. some people really dun have the choice, and some, they do it for someone they love. i used to think plastic/cosmetic surgery are for the vain pots, cos they want to change their face and body to something they're not capable of achieving. i despise such people, and as such, micheal jackson might be an example, but i'm NOT very sure about this though haha.

anyway, 200 pounds of beauty is really touching, and i simply love the story line. it's a korean movie though, with english subs. i like how the story writer crafted his plot and his climaxes. at some point there is some humor and comedy injected, and at the same time, still captures the sympathy of the audience. i feel this is very important for a comedy drama movie. he did it very well, and of course, with the help of excellent actors and actresses, the result is astounding. it's no wonder this movie won prizes, and the main female lead, kim ah-joong, a south-korean, of coruse won the best female actress award in 2006. i have to admit, i take my hat off her. she can get the feeling of someone who was obese and loved a person from far, and making so many drastic changes at the expense of herself just for that person. her expressions and feelings into this movie really touched my heart. this movie is really one of the best comedy drama movie i've ever watched. some are really just trash, but this isn't.

kim ah-joong really grabbed the role of the female lead in the movie. she nailed it and did a wonderful job. her voice is also angelic and it made my hair stand, this i gotta admit. i used to hate the song ave maria, because i find it irritating and the singer kept hitting the high notes almost at every verse. but after i watched this movie, i love the song, as well as Star(Byul), by kim ah-joong of course.

well, the point i'm trying to bring across is, it's never a crime to be fat and ugly, as long as your heart is kind. if you're good looking and all, but your heart is evil, it doesn't make a difference. of course what's worst is that a person is fat, ugly and has an evil heart. for guys out there, imagine a fat girl likes you, and you know it. but you dun really like her because of her appearance. she disappears and made a full body makeover, just for you. she even undergone plastic surgery just for you, would you accept her? she dun even care about how the hurt you brought to her old self, but she wants you to accept her new self-a pretty and elegant lady with a very good figure, but of course, is artificial.

i agree what the male lead and female lead said in the movie: plastic surgery is fine, but never on the guy's girl. typical men would say this, of course, because artificially modified women are definitely very good looking, but afterall, their breasts might have silicon, their facial features might be fake, and maybe even went for liposuction. good to see, bad to touch, for most men. girls would say all men are the same, so why go for plastic surgery? it's so damn stupid! but what you know, some girls still undergo plastic surgery JUST for the guys they love, despite of what they said. why? because of love. the guy might say the girl is a monster, but didn't the guy think of himself? ain't he a monster for not accepting someone who love him so much that she went to the expense of herself, undergoing such painful surgery? ha, here's the point. and below is the outline of the movie.

kim ah-joong played the role of kang hanna, an obese girl who was never good in anything. mainly because of her obesity and clumsiness. she was only good at one thing, singing. she was a part time phone sex employee too, because of her angelic voice. she also sang for ammy, a famous korean pop singer, who ironically, can't sing. what hanna does is that she sing in the backstage for ammy, while ammy does her sexy dance on stage, and of course lip syncs to the lyrics. hanna liked this guy very much, because he treated her exceptionally well, despite her obesity and appearance. this guy, sang-jun, is the music producer for ammy, and also the employer of hanna.

one day, ammy humilated hanna in sang-jun's birthday party by wearing the same dress as hanna. of course, in attempt to showcase her figure and to compare herself to hanna. embarassed and sad, hanna went to the bathroom to cry. unfortunately, she overheard the conversation between ammy and sang-jun. they said that they were using hanna to help ammy gain fame, and that they have to treat her well, lest hanna walks out on their company. Heartbroken, Han-na attempts suicide but is interrupted by a phone call from one of her phone sex regulars who happens to be a top cosmetic surgeon. She decides to get a head-to-toe makeover instead. The surgeon at first refuses to operate on Han-na, but Han-na threatens to blackmail the surgeon by telling his wife about his calls. Then, Han-na makes a moving speech that she does not want to undergo surgery merely to be beautiful, but for the sake of love and as a boost in confidence, and the surgeon is deeply moved. Han-na puts herself in seclusion for a year as she recovers from the changes.

When she comes back from the hospital, Han-na is incredibly beautiful and slender. No one, not even her best friend, Chung-min, recognizes her. With Chung-min's help, she creates a new identity for herself; she is now a Korean-American from California named Jenny. After auditioning to be Ammy's secret vocalist again, she earns her own recording contract instead from Sang-jun, claiming that she is "all-natural". In the meantime, Ammy, oblivious just like everyone else of Han-na's new identity, desperately tries to find Han-na so that she can record her own postponed album (since she cannot sing the songs herself) by spending time with Hanna's father who is in a hospital with some mental problems, possibly Alzheimer's. Meanwhile, romance begins to blossom between "Jenny" and Sang-Jun, as he continues to promote Jenny, in effect boosting Hanna's confidence on her new self. However, Ammy, through spending time with Han-na's father and Jenny, eventually realizes that this Jenny is actually Han-na in disguise.

During a date one night, as sparks fly, Jenny supposedly stripped for Sang-Jun in the character of a nurse, through a phone sex session. (not shown on camera, of course) After Jenny has fallen asleep, he sees the African character Jenny had drawn on the glass and realizes it was a sign he had seen before. He remembers that when Han-na still existed and he had not met "Jenny" yet, Han-na had drawn the exact same signs on a sheet of music. Then he adds all of the signs up and realizes as well that "Jenny" is actually Kang Han-na but he keeps this information to himself.

"Jenny's" debut single 'Maria' becomes a hit and the recording company holds a party to celebrate its release. On the day of a party however, Ammy brings "Jenny's" father, in an attempt to blow Han-na's cover. Han-na's father tries to return Han-na's Barbie doll to her, which has always been Han-na's favourite childhood gift from him. Startled by the sudden appearance of her father and not knowing how to react in front of all the people, including Sang-jun, Han-na denies knowing her father and calls him a fan instead when Sang-jun asks her if the old man is her guest. As her father keeps on insisting on giving the doll to Han-na, Sang-jun drags him away from Jenny and accidentally knocks him down onto the floor. Desperate to keep her true identity a secret, Han-na made no move to help her father. It was Chung-min who finally helps him up, casts Jenny a furious look and leads Hanna's father away from the party.

After the party, Sang-jun and 'Jenny' were the only ones left in the room. Sang-jun reveals to 'Jenny' that he knows her true identity but is now cold and distant. He seems to be unable to forgive her for lying to him but says that he will still work to promote 'Jenny' and carry on with her concert scheduled the next day. Han-na breaks down at this point, heartbroken and unable to pretend to be someone else anymore. Han-na tells him that it is incredibly frustrating and painful not being able to be just be herself but have to live a lie, especially in front of him. The surgery that took a whole year to recover from was not nearly as painful as realizing that she still could not be close to Sang-jun. As Sang-jun tries to comfort her, she brushed away his efforts saying, "You broke my heart. Tissue paper cannot fix it."

The day of "Jenny's" first concert, Sang-jun still insisted on continuing Jenny's concert, despite his father's protests. Later, he encourages a distraught Jenny to do this concert, not for the sake of the fans or the company but for herself, thus implying that he has forgiven her and will continue to support her. At the concert, Jenny couldn't sing and later breaks down from the pressure of seeing her father being dragged away by security and tells everybody to stop. She then reveals to the public that Jenny is a "fake," and that she is not "all-natural", as she had claimed, but is "plastic". However, nobody seems to believe her. She proceeds tearfully to tell the large crowd her story: how she has abandoned everything that is dear to her - her best friend and father - to get to where she is. She also tells the crowd about how along the way to fame and fortune she has also lost her own identity and that she now no longer knows who she is. Just then, the screens behind her on the stage started to show a clip of the old, obese Han-na, singing angelically. Han-na turns around and sees her old image and tells the crowd that the image is the real her. The crowd, moved by her sincere confession, responds by chanting "It's okay," and Han-na rekindles her relationships with her father and best friend. She drops the stage name "Jenny" and re-releases a CD with her own name, Hanna, and becomes a highly successful music artist, gaining many anti-fans as well as loyal fans along the way. Sang-jun realizes the very thing about Han-na that had always drawn him to her was Han-na's innocence. However he also realizes that she has moved on and is now content with who she is, that he has lost his chance to be with her, but carries on being her manager as her career goes from strength to strength. (a sort of happy ending, but not a typically cliche' western perfect happy ending)

the main point of this story is that, we must cherish our loved ones. of course this quite old, i've been making posts about this. but it's really very important. when it's too late to regret, you will know how dear the person is to you. as life passes, the people you know and get along with decreases gradually. slowly, you'll be left alone. your parents will leave you one day, to the nether world. if you're lucky, you might have your siblings living with you, but that usually won't be the case. you're on your own. if you dun have a soulmate, life will be lonely. it's very important for everyone to have a soulmate, someone you can depend on when you're down in the dumps. a shoulder to lean on, whether is it your boyfriend or girlfriend, husband, wife or fiancé. what matters most in this world is relationships, kinships, friendships. but what ultimately will be by your side is your soulmate. even if you have children, one day, they will leave you to be with their own family, maybe paying visits to you regularly. but ultimately, the person that will be with you for life, is your soulmate. the person who will share your sorrows and happiness.

it's never too late to realize that you've been not very good to your girlfriend or boyfriend, as long as both of you are still together and in love. when both of you separate, it might just be the end. in some cases, might not, but still, scars will still be present. you dun want to lose the person you love and regret it. you dun want to one day see the person you used to be with on the streets, and you still love him or her. when both of you talk, he or she confesses that you're the person he or she loved most, but did not cherish his or her chance given to you. now, he or she is with a person he dun love as much as he loved you, but that person, cherishes him. everyone is given a chance, some given many chances. but when the last chance is used up, everything falls, everything ends. never wait for the last chance to be used up before realizing how much you need that person. it'd just be too late, too late for any amendments. like what the female lead in 200 pounds of beauty said, you broke my heart, tissue won't fix it, i guess, nothing can ever fix a broken heart. even something might work, but the scar would always be there, never gonna disappear, never gonna recover.

i believe i'm a big failure in love relationships. i never seem to get it anyway, ha. i believe my love life is in a big mess and chaos, whether is it in the past, the present, or maybe in the future. it's something nothing can ever fix or help, i guess. ha, maybe it's just me. well, i dun know. just gonna cross the bridge when it comes to me, just gonna let nature takes its course. still, i feel that i'm a failure in love, and my love life is a big mess, ha.

2008-11-01T10:44:00.001+08:00

look at this, stupidity takes to a whole new level.

the first part is my reply, and the second part is the junk mail sent to me.

---

If you're so sure that you're an anti-fraud unit, why are there so many mistakes in the mail? Please check your spelling before issuing such rubbish mails. If you're some really important person in some really important company or some sort, you would have checked up properly. In the first place, I don't even have a bank account on my own, I'm too young to own one. So if you think by issuing such useless and obvious FRAUD mails you can cheat people online, then you're wrong. Even if you were to think that you're DAMN smart or shrewd, at least check your english. You can't even spell 'definitely' and this phrase, "because of it's realistic value", unfortunately, the corrected phrase would be, "because of its realistic value". Oh come on, even I can correct your english, you should do some reflections on your language before trying to scam someone online. I can easily pinpoint out your mistakes and you should be very guilty about this, since you, being a so-called very 'SHREWD' online scammer, can't even correct your own language. Shame on you.

Next thing that is very obvious of all these being a scam: your reply email address. Would an "ANTI-FRAUD-UNIT" judge or some sort have such an ordinary email? Wouldn't his email be something like icpc.nig01@someimportantorganisation.com? Before even trying to scam, jolly well do some homework on email addresses too. If you think you can scam just ANYONE on the net, then you're very wrong. Not everyone is as dense and retarded as you are. And for your information, I'm not from the USA, I'm in Asia. And no, I don't have any inheritance funds. If you're an official, you would definitely include a note below indicating that this is a very important mail and if it's sent to the wrong email, please send back to the sender. Unfortunately, you didn't, and that's one of the largest mistake you've made. Another point, your mail landed in the JUNK mail folder, so, that's just TOUGH for you. Anyway, nice try.

----------------------------------------------------

ICPC NIGERIA (Anti-Fraud Unit)
(lol at ~>).......we fight against fraud, funds delay and impersonation.
Head Office: Plot 802, Constitution Avenue
Zone A9 Central Area
P. M.B 535, Garki Abuja
*****24HRS SERVICE *****

Dear Sir/Madam,

LETTER OF COMPENSATION/SETTLEMENT.

This letter will definately be amazing to you because of it’s realistic value.

Sorry for the inconveniences that was rendered to you in your line of Inheritance Payment transaction with some impersonators some while ago.

I know that this letter will hit you by surprise, but firstly I will like to introduce myself; I am (Justice Emmanuel Ayoola) the Legal chairman of "ICPC", (Nigeria's Anti-Fraud Unit).

On the 1st of October 2000, the President of The Federal Republic of Nigeria (Chief Olusegun Obasanjo) introduced a Commission named the "ICPC", (Nigeria's Anti-Fraud Unit) which is duly registered under the United Nations (U.N.O). This particular Commission was initiated to detect fraud/funds delay/impersonation of Government Officials. Secondly, we are mandated by the US Government to Settle foreign debts/fraud victims/Un-paid beneficiaries to satisfactory in other to maintain peace in the world at large and also to create a good relationship with the international bodies.

Presently, we are being paid by the American government inother to avert beneficiary funds delays/fraud here in Nigeria.

So far, we have settled the likes of (Mrs. Debbie Hargrove, Mr. Micheal Wagner etc).
You are being contacted by this office today dated (27th August 2008) because your Case File (A) is the very first File on our Settlement Files Cabinet. From our Intelligent investigations and Probing processes we discovered that you are a victim of fraud/funds delay.

The "ICPC", is faithfully under my governance as the Legal Chairman of the great Commission and to this Authority I took an oath of allegiance to settle all fraud victims peacefully.

This Memorandum is to notify you that you will be settled by the Nigerian Government from our initial Deposit Account with HSBC Bank Plc London-Uk. You will be settled with the actual amount which you lost in your previous transaction, including your Inheritance Funds.

Your settlement will be actualized within 3working days after your response to this Official Letter.

For further clearification/investigation kindly send the below informations to us immediately: ( nig.icpc01@googlemail.com )

1. Your residential address.
2. Mobile and fax number (for regular official contact).
3. Your inheritance funds value.
4. Amount which you have lost previously.

These above-mentioned informations will officially enable us to carry out our verification processes and after that your compensation sum/Inheritance Funds will be Electronically wired into your designated Bank account.

Your immediate compliance to this will expedite actions on your Payment because here in this office, we have alot of listed victims to be settled.

Officially Signed,
Justice Emmanuel Ayoola.
Chairman ICPC Nigeria.
TEL: +234 80 73 81 45 02
nig.icpc11@googlemail.com

Powered by Information Communication Technology Dept., (C) 2008 ICPC Nigeria, registered trade

2008-10-31T00:12:00.004+08:00

Dear readers, if it's possible, help me publicize my blog to your friends and families. I really hope for more supporters and readers, giving me comments and criticisms. Appreciate it if more readers come. Oh ya, anyone can intro me primary students looking for tutors? Ranging from primary 3 to 6 bah. I'm a polytechnic student and possess an GCE O'Level Certificate. Preferably students near Sengkang. Those living in Hougang, Punggol, Serangoon, all these areas that are near Sengkang.

And behold, iPhone users.

http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNDg4MTc1NzY=.html

2008-10-30T21:27:00.004+08:00

The Bounty Hunter

(Note: This is definitely fictional and non-local type of story)

Chapter 1

Most of us are born in a complete family. We have a mother, father, maybe some siblings, and even a pet dog or cat. However, there are the minorities where they grow up in broken families, or even by themselves. Jack lost his father at a mere age of four. He cried his lungs out, even though he only spent four years with the latter, he doted on him very much. His father even protected him from his mother at times, when she loses her temper and vents her anger on Jack. Calamitously, his beloved father passed away because of lung cancer. He was a heavy smoker, but whenever Jack asked if smoking was any good, he would strongly advise him not to start. After Jack's father died, his mother remarried for four times. When Jack was eight years old, he was nearly abused to death. Thankfully, his neighbors rescued him, and his step father was imprisoned. He was sent to an orphanage so as to escape the evil clutches of his mother. Half a year later, his mother was murdered by her creditors because she indulged in heavy gambling.

Jack decided to leave the orphanage and survive on his own. He wanted to be a successful man in the future and not follow the footsteps of his wretched mother, and her husbands. And, this story is Jack's life story, how he slowly became successful in many ways. Of course, eventually he settled down in the country side with his loved one, Jill. So, the story commences...

---

"Jack, are you sure you can earn a living at nine?" the orphanage's sister, Mary, a priestess asked, feeling very worried for Jack. She frowned as she looked at the prideful boy, Jack.

"Yes, I'm sure. I want to make my dad feel proud, even when he's in the nether world. I know he'll watch over me in the heavens, right?" Jack asked Mary, his eyes full of energy. No one could change his decision at this point of time, even his closest guardian, Mary. He knew that he didn't have to worry about his mother anymore, since she's already dead. He stayed at the orphanage because he was afraid that his mother would find him and probably kill him for asking help from their neighbors. Of coruse, she blamed Jack for landing the former's husband in jail.

"I guess so... If your father is still around, I'm sure he'll be very proud of you," Mary said. She knew that whatever she said could not stop Jack. Besides, he learned quite a lot about how to protect himself in the orphanage.

"Alright! See ya, Sister Mary. I'll come back to visit you when I have time!" Jack said, as he walked out of the orphanage...

2008-10-28T00:15:00.002+08:00

Always in my mind

Chapter 17 (Finale)

"Wait... No! I can't die now. I want to be with Elaine, I can't leave her. I can't let her lose me when she waited so long for me, I will be letting her down, and myself down..." Derrick thought in his head. But he could already feel his body feeling lighter, it was as if he was about to disappear.

"Derrick! Hang in there! Don't leave me! I love you!!!" Elaine sobbed and sobbed, she held Derrick's hands tightly. Her heartbeat was racing and she was very scared of losing Derrick. She looked at Derrick as his blood continued to ooze out of his wound. The wound was very deep and she could tell that Derrick was suffering from intense pain. She couldn't do anything, she could only watch how Derrick suffered. Only the first aiders and doctors at the hospital can save him, if he could survive till the hospital that is.

Events that happened in Derrick's life flashed past his mind. He could tell that his time was almost up. His last wish was to tell Elaine how he really feels for her. At least, that could be his last present to Elaine.

"Elaine..." Derrick muttered.

"Yes? Yes Derrick?" Elaine asked, frantically gasping for air.

"I got things to tell you..." Derrick said, his lips were dry and pale, his eyes were barely opened.

"Tell me when you get well, don't talk much now," Elaine said, his hands wrapping around Derrick's right. His hand was icy cold, and there were hardly any warmth in his hand.

"No. I understand my own body, my time is almost up," Derrick said, trying his best and to surge every of his last strength to his voice box.

"No! You won't leave me Derrick... Derrick..." Elaine weeped, as she put her head on Derrick's chest.

"Elaine, you're a very good girl, I believe that you can find another better guy than me... I really love you a lot, but since death is going to part the both of us, it's better for you to slowly forget me. I really thought I could grow old with you, and also take care of you, fulfilling your wish. But it seems that luck isn't on my side, as well as yours. You have to promise me that you would live on... Lastly, I've never regretted loving you, and I can say that you're the best girl that I've met in my entire life," Derrick finished his sentence, and his eyes slowly closed. Elaine could not feel any strength left in his hand, as Derrick's head tilted towards her.

"DERRICK!!!" Elaine shouted. The ambulance finally arrived at the hospital and the first aiders got Derrick into the emergency room within a minute. The emergency room door closed, as the sign lit up.

---

"Derrick... It's been three years now. I really had the urge to kill myself then. Luckily, I remembered what you said while we were on the ambulance," Elaine said, as the cool wind brushed across her long, silky hair. She sighed.

"I've never regretted loving you either, though there were many hardships and sufferings involved. Actually, I wasn't really sure what made me kept going on for you, maybe it's the power of love?" Elaine smiled. She started singing 远走高飞.

"Do you still remember this song? I hope you do," Elaine said, as she stood up. She looked up into the sky, the weather was great. Partially cloudy, and the sun wasn't that glaring. The cool breeze could even make one sleep on the grass. She looked down, as she placed a bouquet of flowers on Derrick's tombstone.

"True love never ends, you'll always be in my heart, Derrick," Elaine said, as she bowed.

"Elaine! Are you done?" Elaine's friend, Theresa asked.

"Alright, I'm done. Was my singing great?" Elaine asked, confidently.

"Yeah sure, you know, you should join superstar or something," Theresa teased.

"Haha! I would, if I'm 5 years younger," Elaine joked.

"Anyway, have you ever thought of having a boyfriend? I could introduce you to some cute guys!" Theresa asked, cheekily.

"Hmm... I'm not so sure, but most probably, no. Maybe I still need time to forget Derrick," Elaine said, as she looked into the sky.

"Oh alright, if you wish," Theresa said, as they left...

...after 5 years, Elaine got married with a japanese man. Although she was married, but she was sure that her husband wasn't the man she loved most, but she was contented. We will never know if the person we end up with, is the person we love most or not. Some of us do have that privilege, but some of us, unfortunately don't. So we have to cherish everyone around us, not to regret only after we've lost that important person. We're never sure if that person is that important to us, but as long as we realize how much we can't do without the person, start to cherish. Start by cherishing your important people in your life at this moment.

2008-10-23T23:05:00.002+08:00

something fun.

Answer honestly.EIGHT Lasts.
1. Last alcohol u had:
forgot
2. Last beverage:
a very splendid and rejuvenating drink, H20, water!
3. Last phone call:
classmate
4. Last text message:
dad
5. Last song played:
天使忌妒的生活
6. Last icecream:
some vanilla flavor thing
7. Last time you cried:
not gonna disclose
8. Last meal:
homemade noodles
EIGHT Have You’s.
1. Have you ever dated someone ur bestfriend likes?
never
2. Have you ever been cheated on?
not really
3. Have you ever bought condoms?
never
4. Is there one person who can make you feel better no matter what?
hmm, not sure
5. Do you find yourself crushing on someone currently?
lol
6. Have you ever lost someone?
positive
7. Have you ever been depressed?
definitely
8. Do you smile at strangers?
depends
RANDOM:
1. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
fluctuates
2. what is your pet's name?
don't own any
3. How many people have you kissed in 2008?
not gonna disclose
4. Were you happy when you woke up today?
lots of thoughts in my mind, don't think i was that happy
5. What is a fact about the last person who texted you?
he's blood related to me
6. Do you hate the last person you kissed?
never
7. What are you listening to right now?
天使忌妒的生活
8. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?
yeah
9. What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?
dust, and maybe your corpse
10. Last night you felt...
crap
11. Who are all the people you have text messages from in your phone?
lol? not gonna list all
12. Ever been kissed in a car?
never
13. You're being extremely quiet, what does it mean?
deep in thoughts
14. Have you ever kissed someone and never saw them again?
lol? kiss of death?
15. Last time you laughed?
in school
16. Do you regret anything from your past?
everyone have regrets, it's inevitable in life
17. If you could seek revenge on someone would you?
never, too tiring
18. Do you bump into someones arm if you want to hold their hand?
no? that's such a wuss
19. Last argument?
probably yesterday
20. Plans for saturday?
cut and dye my hair
21. Excited for anything?
yeah, your death and probably FYP
22. Last time you were confused?
few seconds ago while answering this question
23. Do you like to cuddle?
when it's terribly cold
24. Do you hate when people smoke around you?
ahbor
25. Who was the last girl you talked to?
classmates?
26. Who was the last person you talked to in person?
lol, i'm at home, who can i possibly talk to?
27. Do you have any plans for today?
yeah, i've completed chapter 16
29. Do you think best friends can be replaced?
never, everyone is unique in their own way, humans are irreplaceable
30. Do you plan on moving out next?
not really, till i get a steady income
31. Are you 18?
not yet, but in a month's time
32. Does the last person you held hands with mean anything to you?
i just held hands with myself
33. Whats the closest thing to you thats liquid?
that's* hmm, blood maybe? or water
34. What did you do last night, with who?
i used the computer, with probably my mouse and keyboard?

2008-10-23T21:59:00.004+08:00

Always in my mind

Chapter 16

Elaine cried in Derrick's steady arms, and they hugged for almost ten minutes. The rain drops splattered on the hospital ward's windows, some occasional claps of thunder could be heard, but this did not scare Elaine at all; she was safe in Derrick's arms, the man that she liked all this while. The whole world seemed to freeze at that moment, even if the hospital were to blaze in merciless flames, they would not even budge; nothing else matters, nothing. As their respective heartbeats start to regulate normally, their hugs loosen and they looked each other in the eyes. Derrick saw tears and relief, while Elaine saw faith and trust. Soon, their lips get closer, and they closed their eyes, and kissed. As they loosen up and cuddled in each other's arms, they looked out the window, and enjoyed the nice, cool weather.

---

"Mum! Dad! I'm so happy to finally come home," Derrick said to his parents as he unlocked his parent's house front door; he had been living by himself and made only occasional visits to his parents. Finally, after a few days, Derrick could be discharged from the hospital.

"Derrick! So good to see you at home again, you've haven't been in this old house for almost half a year! Oh, and hi Elaine, mind joining us for dinner later?" Derrick's mother offered.

"Uh, sure auntie," Elaine replied, blushing a little. Derrick's arms were wrapping around her waist.

"Ah, I see you've got her, Derrick!" Derrick's father teased.

"Dad! She's shy you know, stop teasing us," Derrick protected Elaine from the embarassment.

"It's okay, we've to face your parents sooner or later!" Elaine said, trying to loosen up the atmosphere.

"Yeah, and soon, we'll be your parents too!" Derrick's mother said.

"Alright mum, I'll just show her around your house," Derrick excused themselves and into his room. Derrick closed the bedroom door and hugged Elaine's waist and kissed her on the lips. (The rest don't need to elaborate.)

---

Derrick and Elaine decided to take a stroll in the park after dinner, and also enjoy the magnificent night scene; there was a full moon.

"Derrick, you know something?" Elaine asked, as she cuddled herself into Derrick's arms.

"Not really, unless you tell me about it," Derrick joked.

"Every night I would think of you, but now, not anymore," Elaine said.

"Huh, why?" Derrick asked, puzzled.

"Because I have you by my side, that's why I won't be thinking of anything, including you, because there's your presence," Elaine said, as she kissed Derrick's cheeks.

"Oh... I thought you fell for another guy, haha!" Derrick joked.

"Oh come on, I'm not like your other girlfriends..." Elaine said.

"Haha, that's for sure. Don't talk about them, I love you now," Derrick assured Elaine.

"Derrick. I'm really glad that I can be with you, but are you happy?" Elaine asked.

"Of course I'm happy, my girlfriend loves me so much, and did so many things for me, of course I'm happy!" Derrick said, in a very cheery tone.

"Glad to hear that..." Elaine said. They looked into the blue, night sky. It's clear, without much clouds, and some stars could be seen. The moon, of course, is glowing with the stars scattered around it. The night breeze rustled the leaves and the constant blinking of the stars slowly made Elaine's eyelids heavy, and she slowly, entered a sweet slumber.

---

"What are you doing here? Haven't you cheat my savings? What do you want now?" Elaine heard a strong voice ranting, and she woke up, irritated. But her irritation did not last when she saw Derrick quarreling with a woman, Denise.

"Oh, so now you've got a new girlfriend huh. Give me some money, or I'll injure her!" Denise threatened, as she drew a penknife.

"Leave her alone!" Derrick shouted at Denise, as he rushed to stop Denise.

"STOP!" Elaine shouted. Suddenly, Denise broke free of Derrick's arms because he did not use his full strength. In a fit of anger, Denise stabbed Derrick several times in the abdomen.

"GET LOST BITCH! WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING! STOP!!!" Elaine shouted, as she pushed Denise.

"You're the BITCH!" Denise said, as she pushed Elaine with all her might. Elaine fell to the floor, her head hit the side of the bench, and her vision was slightly blurred. As she was recovering from the fall, she turned around and saw Derrick shielding her. Before she could say anything, Denise suddenly stabbed Derrick in the left chest area.

"DERRICK!" Elaine screamed, as she grabbed Derrick. His shirt was drenched in blood. Denise was shocked, and fled, leaving the penknife at the crime scene. But before she could flee, suddenly two policemen handcuffed her.

"DERRICK! DON'T DIE ON ME! DON'T LEAVE ME! WE STILL HAVE A LONG WAY AHEAD, AND MARRIAGE, AND OUR KID!" Elaine screamed and screamed. Derrick was gasping for air, and his body temperature gradually decreased. His face became pale and his lips were dry. Denise hit his vital point, which is his heart.

"Elaine... I love you..." Derrick muttered, as his vision slowly blurred... All he could hear was Elaine's weeping, and droplets of tears soaked his face...

stay tuned, next will be the finale.

2008-10-21T14:18:00.003+08:00

Always in the mind

Chapter 15

"Err, auntie and uncle, don't worry, Derrick is in good hands," Elaine assured Derrick's parents.

"Alright, if you're the one taking care of him, our minds would be at ease," Derrick's mum replied, in a very appreciative tone. They left shortly after putting down some fruits and a container of fish porridge.

"Okay, Derrick, I'll be your personal 'nurse' from now on. You have to listen to everything I say till you recover from your injuries, alright?" Elaine said, with a tad of domineering tone. She had to, because Derrick's condition wasn't stable yet, his injuries were still recovering. If he were to have another fall, he might be disabled in one of his limbs. Lucky for Elaine, he was back to normal and not in a delirious state.

"Of course! Mam!" Derrick replied.

"What did you call me?! I dare you to say again," Elaine said, as she folded her arms.

"Again," Derrick replied, giggling.

"I mean I dare you to say what you said just now," Elaine said, as she fidgeted, finding Derrick still a little childish.

"Haha! Okay, I shall not call you names, but you have to make sure I get a speedy recovery!" Derrick requested, as he decided not to continue his teasing.

"I will, as long as you listen to me. I might be a little naggy, but it's all for your own good, at some point of time, you might say I'm like your-" Elaine could not finish her sentence.

"Mum," Derrick helped Elaine finish her sentence.

"Right. You must know your condition, just one more fall before you recover, and you're going to be disabled for life, probably wheelchair bound. And of course... You have to recover from your psychological damage," Elaine said, in a very solemn tone. Derrick had to know about his condition, he might suffer from depression if he kept brooding over his past. Although it's easier said than done, he had to move on with his life, he had to move forward, and not be trapped in his own maze.

"About the psychological part... If you were me, would you be able to forget so easily?" Derrick shot back at Elaine. She couldn't answer him, her heart was stuck to Derrick herself.

"That's why there's-" Elaine cut herself off.

"There's who?" Derrick asked.

"Me, your friends and your family," Elaine continued.

"Yeah..." Derrick replied, with some disappointment. There was a short moment of silence between the two, for some reason.

"Don't worry! You'll get over it right? You're Derrick!" Elaine broke the silence with a cheery tone, and patted Derrick's back.

"Hope so... You'll be here right?" Derrick replied in a soft and relieved voice, blushing a little.

---

It has been a month now. Derrick's injuries had almost recovered. It was a full moon, Derrick and Elaine were sitting on a bench in the hospital premises. It was just three days away to Derrick's discharge date. There was a long silence in the atmosphere, all could be seen were just the both of them admiring the moon. Suddenly, Derrick hymned a tune. It was Derrick's favorite love song: 远走高飞

"This sounds very familiar..." Elaine said, as she harked the tune.

"Ah! 远走高飞. Right?" Elaine exclaimed, gratifiedly.

"Yes. You do have a good memory don't you?" Derrick complimented. His heartbeat was surging.

"Of course! I remembered everything-" Elaine stopped for a moment.

"-that anyone says to me!" Elaine continued.

"Oh..." Derrick replied, his heart was almost at his mouth, for some reason.

"I wonder... If you would remember what I say today-" Derrick was interrupted by a sudden clap of thunder. The clouds were slowly darkening and there were signs of a heavy thunderstorm.

"I guess that means we gotta get back to the ward," Elaine said, as she smiled and Derrick and left her seat. They walked briskly towards shelter as rain started to pour.

"Err Elaine, as I was saying..." Derrick tried to finish what he wanted to say, as they walked towards Derrick's ward.

"Uh huh? Why are you stuttering? Are you a man or a mouse? What do you have to say," Elaine asked, slightly irritated by Derrick's weird behavior.

"I said that I wonder if you would remember what I say today right?" Derrick said, as he opened the ward's door.

"Yeah, so start talking already," Elaine replied.

"Well..." Derrick said, as he sat on his bed.

"Uh?" Elaine asked. Somehow the words were stuck at Derrick's throat. He tried with all his might. Suddenly, there was another clap of thunder, this time it was deafening.

"AH!" Elaine shouted, as she jumped.

"I LIKE YOU," Derrick was shocked by the sudden clap of thunder, too. Before Derrick knew it, Elaine was in his arms. She stopped for a long time, her heartbeat was surging, too.

"Uh... Elaine?" Derrick asked, trying to cope with his racing heartbeat.

"Did I hear wrongly? You like me?" Elaine asked.

"Yes. I like you, Elaine. I thought that you were a great friend, but during my darkest periods, you were there with me, regardless how much hardship you went through. Especially when I was in my hysterical state, I'm sure you had a very hard time. I really like you, Elaine," Derrick finished his sentence, as his heartbeat slowly went back to normal.

"I like you too, Derrick. Really, I like you too!" Elaine said, as tears of joy trickled down her sleek cheeks. Her perseverence had paid off...

2008-10-17T21:08:00.003+08:00

Always in my mind

Chapter 14

Derrick was focusing on getting his hands on the butter prawns, he didn't really give a damn about Elaine. The latter was thinking very hard, she wasn't sure what questions she could pop to him that would greatly stimulate his brain, and hopefully letting him remember some of his past. Something struck Elaine, but she thought this would be her last resort, if really nothing could stimulate Derrick's brain, she have to use it.

"Okay Derrick, can you tell me what did you work as a few months ago?" Elaine asked Derrick.

"Err... Err... In an office?" Derrick replied.

"Hmm, which office?" Elaine asked.

"Err... Err... Can I have one butter prawn first? It may stimu..." Derrick couldn't finish his sentence.

"NO! Answer me first, your answer is too vague," Elaine interrupted Derrick's request.

"Hey! Look! The queue's shortened, BYE!" Derrick said, as he rushed to one of the vendors. When he stood up, he was stopped by a very strong force. Elaine pulled his arm so hard that it hurt.

"FINE! DO YOU REMEMBER DENISE? DO YOU REMEMBER BETTY?" Elaine shouted at Derrick. The latter stared at Elaine, suddenly his eyes turned a little bloodshot. He fell to the table and pounding his head.

"AHH!!! AHH!!!" Derrick shouted. Strings of painful memories entered his mind. The mention of Betty was painful enough, not to mention Denise, who hurt him more than Betty. For Derrick's case, it was more of a self-inflicted amnesia. Somehow, he forced himself to forget about the painful memories he had, in other words, he wanted to erase his present and some of his past. But after Elaine mentioned Denise and Betty, the memories rushed back into his mind. Every single event and incident, came back to him. Betty looked at the terrified Derrick, deep down in her heart, she was hating herself to say that. But there was no other way, but to use this last resort. Derrick can't continue being a small kid when he's in his mid twenties, he still have a long way to go.

"Derrick! Get a hold of yourself!" Elaine exclaimed, she held Derrick's arms to stop him from pounding his head.

"Argh! PAIN!!! PAIN!!! MY HEAD! MY MIND!" Derrick shouted. A couple of male nurses arrived at the canteen due to complains and dragged Derrick back to his ward. After some time, Derrick finally calmed down.

"Elaine!" Derrick exclaimed, as he saw Elaine walking to his bed. He hugged Elaine tight and started to cry.

"Elaine! Painful memories..." Derrick sobbed. Elaine was at a lost too, she didn't know what she could do, except hugging him and giving him warmth. After all, she enjoyed the hug too. )But who knows? Heaven has been always making sport out of us.)

Elaine didn't want to let go of Derrick, but she had to, she was suffocating, Derrick tightened his hug till Elaine could not breathe.

"Derrick... Can you loosen a bit? I can't breath properly..." Elaine said, in a soft and weak tone.

"Woops. I'm sorry, really grateful to you..." Derrick said.

"Huh? Why are you grateful to me?" Elaine asked, puzzled.

"Because you put up with my nonsense for quite some time. Anyway, I never lost my memory, I just forced myself to stop thinking, that's why I was so hysterical. I wanna thank you for being right here for me. At least I know that there's still people around me to be there for me," Derrick said. Suddenly, the ward's door opened.

"Dad! Mum!" Derrick exclaimed, surprised. Derrick's parents came to visit him.

"Derrick! I'm so glad you're alright, I heard from Elaine that you lost your memory, how'd you remember us?" Derrick's mum asked.

"Mum, thanks to Elaine, she triggered something that made me remember, and got me out of the hysterical state I was in. She really did a very huge part as a great friend!" Derrick said to his mother.

Upon hearing the word 'friend', Elaine was quite put off. But she didn't give up. She really loved Derrick, and she have to be there for Derrick during his darkest period now. She looked at Derrick, and his parents and smiled as Derrick talked about her.

2008-10-14T00:23:00.002+08:00

One post-short story.

Once bitten, twice shy. Or not?

There was this couple, obviously, a guy and a girl. The girl loved the guy very much, because no other guys treated her as well before. One day, they decided to hunt for a chest of gold. They arrived at a wooden bridge. The guy offered to test out the bridge to see if the bridge is safe to cross. After crossing the bridge, the guy realized that the chest of gold is just nearby. He cut the rope of the wooden bridge. He signalled for the girl to cross and that the bridge is fine. The girl, without suspecting that the guy would try to kill her, crossed the bridge. She fell from the cliff, but fortunately her fall was cushioned by bushes at the sides of the cliff. She looked up, she saw the guy running away with the chest of gold and a sinister triumph on his face. She was heartbroken and couldn't bring herself to trust guys again.

After some time, she met up with another guy. The guy said that he liked her, but she didn't really trust his words, because she got hurt before. As the saying goes, once bitten, twice shy. So she didn't really believed what he say every now and then, she was afraid of getting hurt the second time. She didn't want a second period of sorrow and misery. One day, she decided to cross another wooden bridge with the new guy. She asked him to test out the wooden bridge by jumping in the middle of it. The guy, without hesitation or reluctance, he jumped. The wooden bridge shaked, and stopped. The girl said, "If you love me, jump again to prove your love. And also test out the bridge for me." The guy agreed and jumped once again. This time, it was clear that the old wooden bridge was about to give way. Just one more jump, and the whole bridge would give way. The guy paced up and down to make sure that the bridge was safe to walk, but definitely not to jump on. He signalled for the girl to cross. Upon experiencing this scene once again, hatred got the better of her. An image of the sinister guy appeared and she told her new, faithful lover to jump again on the same spot to prove his love and as well as to test the bridge. The guy knew that the bridge was going to give way, but he didn't inform the girl. He said, "Okay, if this will prove to you that i truly love you, I will do it." Immediately after saying, he jumped, and of course, the bridge gave way. He dropped down and hit his head on one of the rocks. He lost his memory. He lost the love he had for the girl too. The girl looked back, and she regretted.

What I'm trying to say in this story is that even though there's a saying, once bitten, twice shy, it doesn't apply to love. When you love another person, it's another whole new unique person, he or she is different from any of your past lovers. Whatever sorrow or misery you experienced in past relationships, might not occur in your next relationship. Every relationship is unique and new in their own ways, don't suspect your other half just because you got hurt before. You won't know how much sacrifices your current or future lover will make for you. Cherish the people who are important in your life. You might regret not cherishing but when you do, it might be just too late.

2008-10-10T17:20:00.002+08:00

2008-09-19T00:10:00.002+08:00

Always in my mind

Chapter 13

"Oh come on, are you angry, Elaine?" Derrick said in an apologetic tone.

"Not really, but a little disappointed," Elaine said.

"Oh really?" Derrick asked.

"Because you used to be a very mature guy in the past. Suave, and upright. Not like now, so despicable with your tricks," Elaine shot at Derrick. He didn't seem to care though.

"*Coughs* Are you sure I'm an upright person? I'm a prankster! Pranksters are never upright!" Derrick shot back.

"Okay fine whatever, just open this bottle for me," Elaine said, as she handed a weird looking bottle to Derrick. He looked at the bottle with suspicion, but in the end, he still started turning the bottle cap.
"OUCH!" Derrick shrieked, he got shocked by the bottle cap.

"Haha! Tit for tat. How'd you like that?" Elaine triumphed, as she laughed at Derrick. She knew that she had to pull a prank back at Derrick.

"Hey! Fine! Then get lost from my sight," Derrick said, as he pushed the bottle to Elaine and cuddled himself in the hospital's bed, the blanket covering his head.

"Oh come on, are you that petty? I thought only girls are petty, I didn't thought a MAN like you would get angry so easily," Elaine said, as she folded her arms.

"Nah, I'm not angry," Derrick said, under his blanket. He was getting ready a squirt gun to fire at Elaine's face the moment she removed the blanket. He felt the blanket getting tugged, he held his water gun and put his index finger on the trigger. The blanket was tugged away, and Derrick immediately pointed the gun according the position Elaine was at. However, Derrick didn't pull the trigger.

"What are you doing?" the nurse asked.

"Oh, oh... Nothing..." Derrick kept his water gun, as he saw Elaine laughing behind the nurse.

---

Elaine had to think of something to stimulate Derrick's mind, and at the same time have to guard against his pranks. She recalled that Derrick loved butter prawns, but the canteen didn't sell them. So she came up with a plan.

"Dinner time!" Derrick said, as he jumped out of the hospital bed, and off to the canteen. Derrick looked at the canteen vendors, there were long queues on every store. Despite the long queue, Derrick was persistent on filling his stomach, so he went to the laksa store. After 20 minutes of queueing time, finally it was his turn to order.

"Can I have a bowl of laksa with extra noodles and extra tau pok?" Derrick asked.

"Err, sorry sir, you need to wait for half an hour, we've got to cook the laksa soup and noodles, today's business is great!" the vendor explained. Derrick was very disappointed, the moment he turned back, he saw Elaine, with a plate of butter prawns. His eyes grew in size and he rushed towards Elaine.

"Oh my god! Butter prawns! Elaine, can I have some?" Derrick asked, as he tried his very best to control his drool.

"Are you sure SOME? Or do you want to have all of it?" Elaine asked, with a smirk.

"All right! I don't mind if you give me ALL!" Derrick exclaimed, as he couldn't withstand his hunger anymore; he needed food.

"Okay, but you have to answer my questions. Whenever you answer correctly, I'll give you some," Elaine negotiated with Derrick. He couldn't resist his favorite food, so he agreed.

2008-09-12T00:55:00.002+08:00

Always in the mind

Chapter 12

"Derrick, my name is Elaine, I'm your very good friend, don't you remember?" Elaine said, as she tried her best to stimulate Derrick's memory. Of course, saying such a polite way was never a method to stimulate memory.

"Oh. I see," Derrick replied nonchalantly. Elaine didn't know how to continue, she definitely need to think of something that could make Derrick remember her, but at the same time, not remember the bad times he had with Denise.

"You remember that we used to play tic tac toe on pieces of paper? Although it's very childish, but we loved playing it," Elaine said.

"Uh. Not really," Derrick replied nonchalantly, again. All that was on his mind was food. Before he actually hung out with Elaine, he indulged in delicacies almost everyday. He was rather obese then, but slowly, he worked out to burn off his fats and he became a suave tall man. Just right after he started getting on shape, he met Elaine in school one day. But he didn't remember about meeting Elaine.

"HEY DUDE! Do you want to regain your memory or not?" Elaine said, as she couldn't take his nonchalance anymore. She was there at the hospital trying her best to help Derrick regain his memory, and he's not showing that he's even appreciating it.

"Not really, it's better this way. Anyway, what's for lunch? It's already 11 plus... I'm hun..." Derrick couldn't finish his sentence.

"I'm here trying to help you, and you're not helping yourself! And you still can think of food!" Elaine reprimanded Derrick, but he still didn't seem to care much. He just walked out of the ward, and headed to the canteen. In Derrick's present world, Elaine wasn't as important as his meals and snacks, poor Elaine. She was left fuming in Derrick's ward, but she still didn't give up, she went with Derrick to have his lunch.

"Mmm, do you want some?" Derrick said, as he pushed a spoonful of fried kway teow towards Elaine. She blushed, and totally forgotten about his attitude back in the ward.

"Sure!" Elaine said, as she opened her mouth. Derrick slowly moved the spoon towards Elaine's mouth. When Elaine was about to move forward to eat, the spoon immediately disappeared from her sight. She looked at Derrick, as he ate the spoon of fried kway teow meant for Elaine. Those bad attitude, on top of the incident now, made Elaine burst out in anger.

"HEY! What is the meaning of this?!" Elaine said, as she stood up. Everyone else in the canteen stared at them. Derrick didn't really cared, till he finished his fried kway teow.

"Mmm! Nice! No meaning," Derrick said, as he rubbed his stomach with satisfaction. Without even listening to what Elaine was about to say next, he stood up and walked off, once again, leaving Elaine to fume with anger.

"Now Elaine, you got to calm down if you want to help Derrick to recover. Relax, tolerate, tolerate," Elaine thought to herself, as she followed Derrick back to his ward. Derrick lied on his bed, and flipped some magazines. Elaine sat down on the chair near Derrick's bed, she was still and quiet, deep in thoughts of how to stimulate Derrick's mind. When she saw how Derrick was so excited about his meals, she thought that food might stimulate his mind.

"Eh Elaine," Derrick said, as he flipped the magazine pages.

"Ya?" Elaine replied.

"Oh, it's really a surprise that you still care about such a jackass like me," Derrick said, as he closed the magazine.

"Huh? What you mean?" Elaine asked, puzzled.

"Disturbing people and making them frustrated is my hobby! Other than eating, well, this is all that I could remember, and I'm not even sure how long ago was that. Anyway, seriously, thanks for helping me stimulate my mind. Let's shake hands and forget about those nonsense I gave you?" Derrick said, as he stretched out his right hand. Elaine stretched out hers to shake Derrick's hand, but she felt a shock.

"Ouch! What the hell was that!" Elaine said, as she swinged her palm.

"Haha! You got pranked again," Derrick laughed, as he pointed at Elaine's plight. Elaine shook her head, as she looked at the childish Derrick.

2008-09-10T00:21:00.002+08:00

Always in my mind

Chapter 11

Derrick searched high and low for Denise. He even asked girls to check the female toilet. But no one saw Denise. He started to have wild imaginations, but in this case, it's actually reality. Denise took all his savings, and ran. Derrick couldn't accept the truth though, he kept trying to contact Denise. He spent the whole day trying to contact Denise. He even tried calling Denise's house phone in malaysia, but no one picked up the phone. He figured, he didn't even tried calling that number before, Denise lied to him from the start. When he starts to realize that Denise was just toying with his feelings and also making use of him to pay off her debts, he starts to have hallucinations.

"Denise, why did you lie to me? WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME?!" Derrick talked to the air. He was going insane. He was left with nothing, and he have to settle his bills in a few days time.

"Denise, I love you so much, why are you doing this to me? Did I do anything wrong?" Derrick talked to the air once again. If anyone would look at him now, he or she would definitely freak out. Derrick look so haggard now, his hair is in a mess and he definitely stank because he hadn't bathed for 3 whole days.

"Denise! Don't go! NO! DON'T GO!" Derrick said, as he walked towards the kitchen windows.

"NO! DON'T GO!" Derrick shouted, as he opened the windows with his key. He slowly climbed out of the window and stood at the edge. Below him was 3 floors of units. He looked down, as he let his body collapse and he closed his eyes. He had an instant of flashbacks with his past girlfriends, and lastly, Elaine, his very good friend who was there for him. His body hit on a few poles used to hang clothes, and that definitely saved his life. He fell on the floor though, but he didn't land on his head. He blacked out.

---

Derrick opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was a girl, but his vision was blurred. It was Elaine.

"Derrick! Derrick!" Elaine exclaimed, as she stared at Derrick. He tried to move, but his legs were bandaged; they were broken. Derrick looked at Elaine, he couldn't recall anything.

"Derrick, the doctor said that your both legs would need about a month to recover, why did you attempt suicide?" Elaine said.

"Who are you?" Derrick asked.

"Who am I? Are you kidding me?" Elaine said, as her heart skipped a beat.

"Who the heck are you? Why am I here?" Derrick asked, nothing was on his mind. He even clean forgotten about Denise and all the things he did for the past few years.

"Huh?!" Elaine said, as she started to worry.

"Doctor!" Elaine said, as she went to find the doctor that bandaged Derrick and admitted him to the ward. The doctor arrived, requested Elaine to leave the bed for a while and he inspected Derrick.

"He seemed to have suffered an amnesia. Recovery chances are pretty low, so... I guess that you will have to stimulate his memory for him to remember some events in the past. But strangely, his amnesia might not have been caused by the fall, probably one of the reasons, but his insanity might be a reason too," the doctor explained. All Derrick could do was just stare at Elaine and the doctor, he totally don't have any recollection of anything that happened in the past few years. The latest event he could remember was his graduation in the Polytechnic. Upon hearing the news, Elaine couldn't control his tears, and she cried. But she was determined in helping Derrick regain his memory. She knew that it would be very tiring and definitely she had to be ready for disappointments, but she liked Derrick. She was willing to try her best to help him regain his memory, maybe she would have a chance to let Derrick fall for her.

2008-09-07T00:58:00.002+08:00

Always in my mind

Chapter 10

Derrick didn't reply Elaine. He just stared at his blanket.

"Derrick?" Elaine said.

Derrick didn't move or said anything. Time seemed to have stopped in his world.

"Derrick?" Elaine said, again.

"Ya?" Derrick finally talked.

"How's your relationship with Denise? Didn't you hear me?" Elaine said.

"Oh, it's alright," Derrick answered.

"Are you sure you're alright? You seem to have became very haggard this month. Have you been taking up two jobs?" Elaine asked.

"Err... No," Derrick replied.

"Don't lie. You said you held two jobs just yesterday night, while you're drunk," Elaine said, trying to force Derrick to tell her the truth.

"Fine... I work as a 7-11 counter assistant in the night, and my usual work in the morning till evening..." Derrick said, he didn't want to continue about the plight he is in.

"In the night? Or should you say midnight?" Elaine asked, emphasizing on the 'midnight'.

"Okay... Midnight..." Derrick said. He didn't want anyone to know the plight he is in. Mainly because of his face and of course, he didn't want anyone to think that his relationship with Denise is affecting his life so greatly.

"And why are you working in the midnight too? Don't you have to sleep? And why are you working so hard?" Elaine asked, she seemed to be persistent on getting to the bottom of this matter.

"Why are you caring so much?" Derrick said. He hated himself for saying that though.

"Because I'm your best friend! I care for you! Are you working so hard because of that girl?" Elaine interrogated Derrick.

"YES! SO WHAT IF I'M WORKING SO HARD FOR HER? I LOVE HER!" Derrick's jovial side changed totally. Whenever someone criticized his girlfriend or his crush, he would definitely let anger and impatience get the better of him.

"Okay fine. So much for my concern," Elaine said, as she walked out of his room and sat in the living room. Derrick walked out of his room and rushed to the living room.

"I don't need your concern," Derrick said as something pricked his heart.

"FINE!" Elaine said, as her tears burst out. She took the key from the dining table and opened the door, rushing out of Derrick's house. She threw the key into Derrick's house as she put on her slippers. In seconds, there was total silence in Derrick's house. Derrick knelt on the floor, and he started punching the floor. He hated himself for saying those nasty words to Elaine. But he couldn't control himself, because he wanted to protect the girl he love. He wouldn't allow anyone to criticize her or blame her for anything.

Derrick's phone suddenly rang. It was Denise.

"Darling!" Denise said.

"Ya?" Derrick asked.

"Can pei me chat chat?" Denise asked, in a cute tone. Derrick's heart was melted by her voice. He totally forgot about what he said to Elaine, and of course, their second big quarrel because of Derrick's girlfriend. For the next hour or so, Derrick and Denise were chatting on the phone. Of course, Denise was calling from malaysia. Denise didn't have to worry about the phone bills, because there is always Derrick to help her pay. Derrick continued this lifestyle for the past few months. When finally... something happened.

---

"Darling!" Denise exclaimed, as she hugged Derrick at the customs.

"Hey darling! Nice to see you after these few months," Derrick said, as he wrapped his arms around Denise's waist.

"I miss you!" Denise exclaimed, as she tightened her hug.

"Yeah yeah, I miss you too, darling," Derrick said, as he closed his eyes. They were embracing in front of everyone else who were at the customs. Even the custom officers were looking at them.

"Darling, let's go to err... Plaza... Plaza something..." Denise thought hard of the place. Afterall, she's not a permanent singaporean citizen.

"Plaza Singapura my darling," Derrick said.

"Yeah! I wanna do some shopping, do you have enough money for today?" Denise asked.

"Err... I guess so..." Derrick said.

"Great! Let's go!" Denise exclaimed, immediately.

They soon arrived at Plaza Singapura. Denise gave Derrick her water bottle.

"Darling, are you thirsty?" Denise asked.

"Well... A bit, I'll drink your water then," Derrick said. As he downed half the bottle. They were window shopping, until Denise arrived at SK Jewellery.

"Darling! I want this necklace, it looks so beautiful!" Denise said, as she pointed at the necklace through the glass window.

"Err... But it's very expensive..." Derrick said, as he pondered for a while. He knew that he would end up buying it, but he was reluctant. Suddenly, he had a stomach ache.

"Darling! Pass me your card, I'll withdraw the money for you, tell me your pin number?" Denise asked, sinisterly.

"Err... I'll go with you to withdraw it," Derrick replied.

"But you got a stomach ache! Quick, you go to the toilet, I'll settle the necklace and I'll go to the toilet to wait for you," Denise said, she had something up her sleeve. Derrick's stomach ached once more, he couldn't take it any longer.

"Alright!" Derrick said, as he took out a piece of paper and wrote his pin number on it. He immediately rushed to the toilet to relieve himself. However, one trip wasn't sufficient. By the time he was done, 1 hour had passed. He found it strange that Denise didn't contact him at all. He thought that she was patiently waiting outside for him. But when he walked out to the shops area, he realized that Denise was no where in sight. He tried calling Denise, but to no avail. He started to panic.

2008-09-04T23:42:00.003+08:00

Always in my mind

Chapter 9

"Denise... Denise... Denise..." Derrick kept chanting Denise's name. All in his mind, was just Denise. He even thought that the person who dragged him into the taxi and sent him home was Denise. Derrick suddenly grabbed Elaine's hand.

"Denise... We will pull through this crisis together... I will pay off your debts... You must be happy..." Derrick said. Elaine looked at Derrick, she couldn't believe that a young and handsome guy like him could be reduced to such a state. He must have had a hard time taking two jobs, although some others take three. But Elaine was sure that the two jobs weren't easy ones, because she know that he had a permanent position in a finance company. He must have used his sleep time to work. His dark eye rings are very obvious and deep, he really looked like he didn't sleep well for the pass month.

Finally, they arrived at Derrick's house. Derrick was a little more sober, but he still couldn't stand upright by himself. Elaine helped him to the doorstep and searched his pockets for his house keys.

"I want more beer! MORE BEER!" Derrick said, with hiccups in between.

"Okay okay, where's your key? We'll go in your house and we drink more," Elaine coaxed the drunk Derrick.

"Here!" Derrick said, the keys in his waving hands. People say, when a person is drunk, the childishness of the person emerges, and also, anything that they say, are things that are bottled up in their hearts. Elaine opened the door, and dragged Derrick onto the sofa.

"Oh my god!" Elaine exclaimed. She looked at the mess that his house is in and shaked her head, her right hand on her forehead, and her left palm on her hips. She managed to clean up his house for him, since as soon as Derrick lied on the sofa, he fell asleep. After cleaning up, she took a warm, wet towel and placed it on his fore head. Suddenly, Derrick wake up; he was doing drunk actions again, but this time, he singed.

"爱你错了吗，为什么会受到那么多惩罚？他们说的话像针往心里扎。我心中的帕，不知该怎样才可以放下。只不过想好好的爱一次阿。" Derrick sang, and stopped. Elaine looked at how love sick Derrick was, she started to wonder if his relationship with this Denise was even stable. She didn't want to intrude into his privacy, so she decided to drag Derrick to his room for him to rest. She removed the warm, wet towel, and placed her palm on Derrick's forehead. It's burning hot.

"Oh my, you have fever!" Elaine took a pail of iced water and a few wet towels. Feeding him panadol would be of no use since he was asleep. She didn't want to wake Derrick up too, he needed lots of rest. She placed wet and cold towels on Derrick's forehead to help make the fever subside. She soon fell asleep because she was exhausted from all the dragging.

---

"OH MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!" Derrick shouted, as he saw Elaine lying close to his bed. Elaine woke up from all the noise.

"Because you got bloody drunk yesterday!" Elaine explained, rubbing her eyes.

"Did you do anything to me while I'm drunk?!" Derrick joked.

"Dude! I should be asking you that!" Elaine shot back.

"Haha! Alright, I trust that you won't rape me or something," Derrick joked again.

"Who want to rape you?" Elaine said, staring at Derrick.

"Well! Girls love me, don't you think so? Even you! Don't think I can't tell," Derrick joked.

"Don't be shameless! Do you know how to spell shameless? D-e-r-r-i-c-k!" Elaine joked too.

"Jokes aside, did I say anything while I'm drunk yesterday?" Derrick asked, trying to get serious.

"Well, you keep chanting Denise and you sang a very nice song by Sam Lee," Elaine said.

"Oh, that's all?" Derrick said. He stopped for a moment.

"WAIT! I sang a song? By Sam Lee?" Derrick asked.

"Yes, you sing pretty well too," Elaine praised Derrick.

"Oh my god! You've heard me sing... It's your luck," Derrick joked.

"Oh come on, stop being shameless. But at least I know you're back to normal... By the way..." Elaine said, she pondered for a few moments.

"Uh?" Derrick said.

"How's your relationship with Denise going?" Elaine asked.

2008-09-04T02:34:00.002+08:00

Always in my mind

Chapter 8

Elaine looked at her watch. 1950hours. She was still at home. She quickly put on some light make up and decided to wear casual, since causeway point is just a stone's throw away. Soon she arrived at the Mac Donalds, she looked at her watch again, 2011hours. Derrick was no where in sight around the corridor of Mac Donalds. Suddenly, her phone rang and vibrated, it was Derrick.

"Hey Elaine! Over here, why are you still outside?" Derrick said over the phone.

"Err, oh! I see you. You used to be pretty much later than me that's why mah," Elaine replied as she spotted Derrick sitting at a corner.

"Derrick!" Elaine said, astonished.

"Ya?" Derrick asked, puzzled.

"Why are you wearing T-shirt and shorts! You look so... so... I don't know how to say it," Elaine said, as she scanned Derrick's attire.

"So casual and poor?" Derrick said.

"Poor? Why would you use that word..." Elaine asked, puzzled.

"Well... I've been spending a lot lately..." Derrick couldn't finish his sentence, he was interrupted by Elaine.

"Oh! I know, you bought a new car huh? You've gotta show me later," Elaine said, as she winked.

"No... In fact I spent mostly on phone bills..." Derrick said, feeling a little guilty. He was never a mobile phone person. He seldom SMS anyone, call, or even play games on the mobile phone.

"Huh?! Are you sure? Or have you gambled and lost!" Elaine asked, in a harsh tone.

"Yeah... I'm sure... And I have a girlfriend now," Derrick said, feeling a little proud even though he spent most of his savings.

"Don't tell me you're back with Betty..." Elaine said with a draggy tone.

"No! Of course not! I've clean forgotten about her. It's another girl! And don't get me wrong, I didn't spend on any extravagant items on her," Derrick said.

"Are you sure... Then why are you so poor now?" Elaine asked.

"Because of phone bills! I've told you, silly girl," Derrick said, knocking Elaine's head with his knuckles lightly. Surprisingly, they had so much to talk. Too much though, it was half past nine when they finally decided to start buying their dinner. It was great to get in touch back with a good old friend, but of course, if both parties didn't change. Elaine didn't change much, but Derrick did. He changed because of Denise.

"Elaine! Let's drink?" Derrick asked, after having their dinner.

"Err... I don't know..." Elaine stuttered.

"Hey! Come on! Tomorrow's a saturday!" Derrick exclaimed, feeling a little high already. He was probably trying to numb himself from the bills he have to pay again at the end of the month. His bank savings were decreasing day by day, week by week. His expenses were way more than what his salary provided him. He spent more than what he can earn. Of course his parents would be able to help, but he didn't want to trouble them. Their savings was for their old age, and Derrick told them that he could be independent on himself. But because of his current situation, he even considered to downgrade from a four-room flat to a three-room flat. His friends couldn't stay over at his house to watch soccer or any movies anymore. He had to make ends meet, and of course, pay Denise's phone bills, as well as slowly paying off her family's debts.

Derrick drank and drank, cans after cans of tiger beer. He downed every can within minutes. Soon, two dozens of tiger beer were finished, solely by Derrick. Elaine only had two cans.

"Derrick, I think you've drank a bit too much..." Elaine said, as she patted Derrick's back.

"NO! I WANT MORE! GET ME MORE BEER!" Derrick already lost control, he was drunk; he never could hold his liquor well. All he knew was, he was numb from all his troubles for that night.

"Derrick! Get a hold of yourself!" Elaine said, as she tried to shake Derrick to his senses.

"How am I going to get a hold of myself when I have financial difficulties now?! I have to settle so many bills and also hold 2 jobs!" Derrick blurted out his problems.

"Huh? Why are you in such a state?" Elaine asked, as she tried to hold Derrick upright. He couldn't control and vomitted. All Elaine could do was to pat his back.

"Because I love Denise so much! I love her! I want the best for her!" Derrick said, and after he finished, he collapsed to the ground. Elaine had a hard time pulling him into a taxi and sent him home. She took a good look at Derrick. He looked so much more haggard than he was one month ago. Some greyed hair could be spotted even. He must have went through a lot of stress, but he did it all for the girl he love. Is this what Derrick deserves for being so good to his girlfriend?

2008-09-03T01:24:00.002+08:00

Always in my mind

Chapter 7

"What's your name?" Derrick asked as his tears soaked the back of the girl's shirt.

"Denise," she replied.

"Derrick. You have such a nice name," Derrick said.

"You too! And our christian initials are the same!" Denise replied, with a slightly happier tone. She was happy that someone was there for her. But something was still on her mind, her debts, as well as her father's.

"Well... It's not much of a coincidence," Derrick said, nonchalantly.

"It is!" Denise said, as she pulled off from the hug and kissed Derrick on the lips. Their lips were stuck to each other for a whole minute. Derrick's eyes suddenly enlarged but eventually was closed like Denise's. Soon from a kiss, into a passionate kiss. Derrick didn't know why he french kissed with a girl he knew just a couple of minutes ago, but he just did it without thinking. After a while, Denise withdraw her mouth.

"What are we?" Denise asked.

"Friends?" Derrick said, surprised.

"No! We're an item. Remember that!" Denise said, as she took out a piece of paper and wrote down her full name, address in malaysia, phone number, both singapore and malaysia, and almost all her particulars.

"Huh?" Derrick was shocked, but he didn't think much to reject. Somehow, he felt that he was very close to her. It was weird, why would two strangers get together just after a quarrel, then a kiss? Well, things in this world are just so extraordinary.

"Well, what are you waiting for!" Denise said, as she pushed another blank piece of paper to Derrick. He knew what to do, he wrote his particulars down too.

"Err... Are you sure we're an item?" Derrick asked, scratching his head.

"Ya! Of course, I wouldn't let you go away after kissing me like that!" Denise said, her hands on her hips.

"Hey!" Derrick couldn't finish what he was about to say. Denise sealed Derrick's lips with hers.

"Alright now, I've gotta go! SMS me any time!" Denise said, as she walked off. The kiss might have just wiped out all their bad memories? Perhaps not for Derrick, but maybe for Denise? Something just puzzles Derrick, but he just played along.

---

For the past few weeks, Derrick didn't contact Elaine, neither did Elaine contact him. He was busy exchanging SMS and MSN chats with Denise. His SMS bills exploded with two thousand over messages, but he didn't care less. Soon, Denise had to return to malaysia, to avoid the creditors in singapore. He had to make overseas calls and SMSes, he even had to pay Denise's phone bills because she obviously don't have enough money to pay. Soon, Derrick found his bank's savings decreasing, but he still didn't care. All he needed was Denise, someone who could numb him from the pain that he experienced with Betty. After which, he slowly forgotten about Betty, and maybe Elaine, until...

Derrick, are you fine now?

Derrick received a text message from Elaine. He didn't know what to reply.

Err. I'm fine, recovered. How about you?

Elaine looked at the text message, and she smiled.

I'm fine too... Can we have a drink some time?

Derrick immediately replied.

Alright... Two days from now. Is that okay for you?

Elaine's heart was at ease. At least they could finally forget about the quarrel they had at the hospital.

Okay. It's fine. I'll meet you at Jack's Place at Causeway Point.

Derrick stopped for a second, then replied.

Err. Would it be okay if we had something cheaper? Maybe Mac Donalds?

Elaine was quite shocked. Derrick frequent Jack's Place with her just a month ago before they quarreled. Nevertheless, she replied.

Alright. Mac Donalds it is. After work, around 8pm.

Okay, see ya there, Elaine.

2008-09-02T01:50:00.002+08:00

Always in my mind

Chapter 6

As Elaine walked off, Derrick suddenly realized that his anxiety over protecting Betty from badmouthing got the better of him, and it caused his very good friend to get upset. He felt guilty that someone else got unhappy because of his own personal matter, he didn't want to involve anyone else. He knew that Elaine was just concerned about him, but no matter how good a person's temper is, whenever someone badmouths his or her loved one, he or she would definitely flare up. But he was guilty that he showed his anger and unhappiness to his good friend who waited for him all night. She even fell asleep on a bench. However, when he thought of what Elaine said about Betty, he just walked off back to his ward to pack up.

---

Derrick reached home, he was quite energetic, because of the long sleep he had in the hospital. He decided to turn on his computer, he needed something to help him forget Betty. Till then, he didn't want to find Elaine first, it would be very awkward, and he's a guy, he have to save his face. After playing solitaire for about an hour, he was bored, he decided to take a walk along causeway point. He walked past blocks, and something caught his attention. Something, or rather, someone would enter his life and change it.

"WHY IS THE WORLD SO UNFAIR! WHY IS IT THAT BASTARD AND BITCHES GET TO BE HAPPY WHILE THE GOOD PEOPLE ARE SAD!" Derrick was shocked by the loud and sharp voice that is screaming. Vulgarities were spewed all over and he followed the scream to find out what the commotion was about. He saw a girl standing at the second floor of a block and screaming her hearts out.

"Hey! Don't jump! It's dangerous!" Derrick shouted at the girl.

"What the... Who are you?! And even if I jump, I won't die! It's just two floors! Please use your bloody brain, or your ass if you don't have one!" The girl shouted back.

"I was just concerned for you! So much for my kindness, bye then!" Derrick shouted in anger. He was already irritated and troubled over his own matters. The last thing he need was a girl who screamed like everyone owes her a living and scolded him back for his concern.

"Do you know you sound like my dad! Can you just get lost?! Get out of my sight! What do you know about relationships?!" the girl screamed at the top of her voice. Derrick was sure that everyone in the block could hear them quarreling, but he didn't care less. She said that he didn't know anything about relationships! He was in a sticky situation himself too, he rushed up the stairs and up to the second floor to confront the girl.

"Hey girl, I don't care what happened to you alright, but for as far as I'm concerned, I'm sure I am not in any better state than you are in! I just got discharged from the hospital because I fainted. Partly due to my ex-girlfriend who hurt me deeply by leaving away with another guy! And she even said nasty stuff to me! I even quarreled with my very good friend and she's not going to care about me anymore till I forget about that ex-girlfriend! How can you be in a worse state than I am in?" Derrick said to the girl, as he saw her swollen eyes, her make up smeared by her tears.

"I'm very sure I'm in a worse state than you. My ex-boyfriend cheated away my parent's lifetime savings, and my mother is handicapped. She fell off the stairs while trying to snatch back the money from that jerk. He even tried cheating my savings too! I'm left with a handicapped mother and a father who gambles after their money got cheated. That jerk even tried raping me just now! I lost all my friends because I turned them down and quarreled with them because of that jerk! And now I have to think of how to get back to malaysia, because I can't leave my parents in singapore! Can you believe it?" the girl broke down, her tears started to flow again. Derrick looked at himself, he thought he was the most miserable person on earth. But the moment he heard about the girl's tragedy, he knew that there were a lot more miserable people on earth. Something just got over him, he went over to hug the girl. She hugged him back too and cried in his arms. Little that they know, this hug would change their lives.

2008-08-30T02:40:00.003+08:00

Always in my mind

Chapter 5

Looking at the night sky, the white puffy clouds floating by. The wonderful moon getting covered by the clouds, and revealing itself once again after the clouds float pass, stars scattered over the dark canvas. The night breeze swaying the trees, the rustling of the leaves, the crickets singing in the grass, slowly made Elaine felt sleepy. Her heavy eyelids slowly closed and she fell asleep.

"Elaine, wake up," a voice said, as Elaine slowly opened her eyes. It was Derrick.

"Derrick!" Elaine said, as she immediately woke up.

"Good morning, why did you sleep here? I thought that you went home yesterday night after I fell asleep," Derrick said.

"Oh, because I wanted to be here for you, I scared that you would need me..." Elaine said.

"Wa, I feel touched," Derrick said, with some sarcasm. Elaine gave Derrick a punch in the arm.

"Take that for your sarcasm!" Elaine joked.

"OUCH!" Derrick shrieked, rubbing his left arm.

"Oh my, did I hurt you?" Elaine said, trying to rub off the pain from Derrick's arm too.

"Of course not, silly! I was just joking with you," Derrick joked back.

"Haha! At least I know you're back to normal," Elaine said.

"Nah. I'm still brooding over the matter about Betty. I'm not sure if I should try to change her back, or at least get her away from Bryan. He's really not a good guy. I heard that he's a casanova. He had cheated the feelings or many girls. I'm afraid Betty might get cheated by him too..." Derrick said in a very solemn tone.

“But the fact is that she chose to leave you... I doubt Bryan instigated her to do it right?" Elaine said.

"NO! She didn't choose to leave me!" Derrick shouted back in a very harsh tone.

"Why are you talking like that to a good friend because of her? I stayed here all night so that there would be someone when you needed a listening ear!" Elaine shouted back.

"No one forced you to stay here! You can go now if you were to talk bad about Betty in front of me!" Derrick said, anger got the better of him.

"FINE THEN!" Elaine screamed, as she hurried away in tears. Derrick didn't talk to Elaine this way before. Elaine was definitely heart broken and disappointed. She wanted very much to say that she wanted to be there for Derrick anytime, anywhere.

"Don't ever come back if you were going to say bad things about Betty again!" Derrick shouted.

"Derrick! I l... I WON'T COME BACK!" Elaine almost said that she liked him. She turned her back on Derrick and didn't turn back anymore. She was sure that she didn't mean what she said, but she wanted face too, she's a girl. She told herself that she would try her best not to go back to visit Derrick. She might talk bad about Betty again if she sees Derrick in a bad shape.

Elaine walked off in her slippers, each step leaving on the floor drips of tears from Elaine's swollen eyes. If only Derrick could treat her more than a friend, or at least notice that Elaine had been carrying a torch for him. If only Derrick would forget about those bad girls and notice an average girl right before him. Something weird that if most of us had noticed, the worse the guy or girl is, the more his girlfriend or her boyfriend wants to be with him or her. In a nutshell, the worse the person, the more the other half loves the person. Why is this so? No one really have the answer... Elaine really wanted to pull Derrick out of the maze that he was in. But it might seem that only Betty could pull him out of it...

2008-08-28T00:05:00.003+08:00

Sorry for not posting lately, was just LAZY and I couldn't think of the next chapter. Nevertheless, the story writer is back, and here's chapter 4.

Always in my mind

Chapter 4

Elaine panicked, she didn't know what to do. She quickly picked up her phone and dialed 995 for the ambulance. She was stammering about the address of the venue where Derrick fainted. Shortly after Elaine alerted the ambulance, Derrick woke up. And followed by the ambulance too. When Elaine left him to the medics, his nose was bleeding profusely. She thought that it might be the old ailment that he had in the past. It was a very weird and rare sickness that Derrick had. Because of this, he sometimes lose part of his memory, but almost negligible.

"Derrick, are you alright?" Elaine asked, concerned.

"Yeah... No problem," Derrick replied, sitting up and using seemingly lot of force. Elaine helped him up.

"Did you faint because of thinking too much of Betty?" Elaine asked.

"Nope... I think I didn't eat much today, or rather, I only ate my breakfast and nothing else," Derrick replied.

"Oh my god! Here, some fish porridge that I bought from the hospital's cafeteria. Hope it can help fill your stomach," Elaine said, as she took out the container of fish porridge and a bowl.

"GREAT! Just what my taste buds want. Elaine..." Derrick said, as he gobbled his fish porridge.

"Y... Ya?" Elaine stammered, her face was red and hot for some reason. She found Derrick's pronunciation of her name at that point of time very charming.

"If any guy could get to marry you as his wife, it's definitely his fortune," Derrick said, devouring every single bit of the fish porridge left in the bowl, and pouring the rest from the container into the bowl.

"O... Oh really?" Elaine could not think of anything else to say, her face couldn't be hotter than ever, she was overcame with shyness.

Elaine liked Derrick since they knew each other. She was shot by the cupid arrow the moment she caught her first glance at Derrick. Maybe it's called the legendary "love at first sight" thing. No one will believe thought, true enough, it might be mainly because of Derrick's looks. But as time goes by, the infatuation still doesn't goes off, and slowly, Elaine fell in love with Derrick. His actions make Elaine find him a very cute guy, and also, a very naive guy. But each time she saw Derrick fell from his relationship, she could feel the pain that he was experiencing too. Ironically, she was the one who told him to look for other girls, and not herself. Derrick treated Elaine nothing more than a sister, he never ever thought of getting together with Elaine; it had never came across his mind.

Shortly after Derrick ate his porridge, he fell asleep, he needed rest to recover soon. Elaine didn't went home though, she wanted to be there so that if Derrick needed someone, she could be there immediately for him. She strolled along the park in the hospital compound and found a bench to sit down. She didn't want to sleep so early, so she decided to enjoy the night breeze. After which, she would sleep near Derrick's bed. She looked into the sky, there was a full moon, with some stars surrounding it. A very rare sight in Singapore, how often do you see more than 5 stars on the sky? She took out her phone and played a song. It's a very old song. One of the lines really expressed how she felt at times. 你是否也在等着那一天? She sighed, she wanted to wait for the day, Derrick would like her and they could be together, and they could live happily ever after. Just like a fairytale. Every couple would want to end like every other fairytales, but of course, it's never possible in reality. One day, everyone would die, not like in fairytales.

2008-08-18T21:45:00.003+08:00

Always in my mind

Chapter 3

Elaine put on her favorite shirt to meet Derrick. Yes, it was a birthday present from Derrick during her 16th birthday. She loved it a lot because it was a spongebob shirt. Ever since she received the shirt from Derrick, she loved spongebob a lot. Derrick never liked spongebob, but there was once when he saw Elaine watching spongebob cartoon. She was just merely bored and was randomly switching channels. But when Derrick asked Elaine if she liked spongebob, she just answered yes so that she had something to talk to Derrick.

Elaine looked around as soon as she reached the park near Hougang Mall for Derrick but she caught no sight of him. She slowly strolled along the park to look for Derrick. She saw someone lying on the grass, she slowly walked towards the person. To her horror, it was Derrick, he fainted. She patted his face a few times and he woke up.

"Derrick! Are you alright? Derrick! Thank god you've woken up," Elaine heaved a sigh of relief.

"Of course I'm alright, I was just taking a nap..." Derrick said.

"Huh?" Elaine was shocked.

"Ya, till you patted my face," Derrick replied.

"But why did you lie on the grass like that?" Elaine asked.

"Because the grass is much more comfortable than the hard bench. By the way, I'm going home to bathe later anyway," Derrick explained.

"Oh alright... By the way what did you want to say about Betty? I thought she's a good girl?" Elaine asked, adjusting her spectacles.

"Oh yeah... She was... Ever since she met with that Bryan, she changed drastically... You hadn't seen her for quite some time, you wouldn't know," Derrick explained.

"Uh huh... Why sia..." Elaine didn't know how to console Derrick.

"Haha..." Derrick said. There was a short silence between the two of them. The silence was broken by Elaine.

"You did so much for her... When you told me that you had problems with her... I didn't expect it to be so serious. You always waited her at her doorstep for her whether she went to school. She wanted you to accompany her to school everyday... And sometimes when she woke up late, you would have to be late for lessons or even skip lessons just to accompany her to school, send her to school by your bicycle. I know she don't demand or expect you to do it but you do it because you want her to be happy. But her small requests became into huge ones... You told me about it and it finally became unreasonable ones. I really wonder if you were tired doing all those for such a girl who changed from a guai kia into an ah lian and slut," Elaine finished her speech, quite angry upon mentioning the process in brief.

"I have to admit that I do feel very, very tired. But I do it all for her, because I love her. All I wanted to do was just to love her... I think we should be going home now, by the way, what did you tell my mother?" Derrick said.

"Well, I told her you're in good hands!" Elaine said, wearing a huge smile on her face.

"Thanks Elaine, you're a really good friend, and of course a good girl," Derrick said. Elaine blushed upon Derrick's words.

Derrick stood up from the bench and started walking, leaving Elaine on the bench. She quickly stood up and caught up with Derrick. Derrick walked pretty fast at the beginning and he slowly reduced in speed and started to sway a bit. Elaine didn't read too much into it and continued walking behind Derrick, trying to make the blush and rush of blood in her face wear off. But to her horror, Derrick suddenly dropped to the ground. Elaine rushed to him and patted his face again, hoping that he was just faking it.

"Derrick! Derrick! Are you trying to sleep again? Wake up!" Elaine said frantically.

Were there times when you feel so lonely, even though you're with a group of friends? Were there times when you feel that no one wants you, even when you're in a party, or outing with good friends as well as new friends surrounding you? I often have this feeling, but of course, influence from friends, bring the smile back to my face. But still, deep down in my heart, I feel terrible, holding that worry, holding that sadness. I really want to get rid of it, but if only it was that simple to remove that source of sorrow and pain. Ah well, that's life, isn't it?

2008-08-17T15:24:00.002+08:00

Everyone of us wants to be with the person you truly love. But how many of us can predict who we will be with eventually? In fact no one. But of course, what's most important is the present. It's a gift, that's why it's called the present. We must cherish the people around us. We all know that one day, everyone will die. But how many of us do really care about this "we are all going to die" thing? There are some, but most of us just live our lives. Because there are somethings that we live for, that's why even when we know that one day we'll eventually die, we're still acting as if everyone will be as they are even in a century's time. Cherishing a person, or even a thing is not as easy as it seems. But of course, humans must learn it the hard way before they can start cherishing.

How nice would it be, how romantic would it be? Many people asked. They wonder how their love lives would be like. Of course a classic example would be: A large green land, on the two of you living on it. Everyday there aren't anyone to bother the both of you, nothing to worry about, both of you just live as it is. A wonderful scene would be the both of you chasing each other on a large patch of grass. Birds and butterflies, mother nature. Enjoying the wonderful spring breeze. All what you want to see is just your partner's smile, nothing else matters. Every night both of you would lay on the grass, looking at the night sky. The sky is filled with bright stars and a moon that would always be there for you. What's most important is the moon, because it's the only source of natural light in the night. Although most of us know that the moon is actually reflecting the light from the Sun, but what's most important is that we see the wonderful moon. Especially when it's round and full, looking at it will just erase all your worries, at least for that period of time. The girl lays her head on the boy's chest, listening to his steady heartbeat as she slowly closes her eyes. The boy hugging the girl and giving her warmth from the cool night breeze. The boy admirers the wonderful night sky before closing his eyes too, and the both of them enter a wonderful dreamland, where no one can disturb their romance.

Chapter 2

Derrick strolled down the park alone, as he looked at his watch. It was already 2133hours. He had been strolling rounds and rounds around the park, thinking of her. Just about 6 hours ago, he had been ditched by his girlfriend, Betty. She was just an ordinary girl, wears spectacles, study most of the time. But ever since she met with this guy called Bryan, she changed totally. She used to wear very conservatively, a t-shirt and probably shorts. But Bryan told her to change her outlook. As to how Bryan managed to change Betty so much, Derrick has totally no idea. She was never an expressive girl, she was very quiet, didn't talk much, even to the best friends she knew. In fact, in a day, to listen to her talk more than an hour is near impossible. Most of the time she would burry herself in books or studies, and probably meet up with Derrick, maybe just for lunch or dinner and some strolling around Bukit Panjang Plaza.

"How do people change so fast? Just a month... And she's wearing sleeveless tops with low cuts, hot pants or mini skirts and she acts like a slut now. Why, why do every single girl I'm with always have to leave me when I put my 100% in? Why..." Derrick mumbled to himself, and this was all that came out from his mouth for the past 5 hours strolling around the park. He was losing faith in himself, not losing faith in girls. He would trust every girl he was with, because he knew that trust is very important in any relationship, be it BGR, parents, sibling, friends. But every time he would get cheated. When he went steady with Betty, he thought that she would be the girl that he was waiting for. He liked quiet girls, even though they don't really talk but at least he knew that she was decent, yes, was. Now she's like those ah lian that you sometimes find outside, wearing so revealing, and their behaviors, are just not feminine.

Derrick didn't want to get hurt anymore, but he can't bring himself to hurt a girl. It was just not him, he would rather he himself get hurt deeply. Including Betty, he had already 5 failed relationships. People who don't know, might say that he is a playboy, but in fact, all 5 relationships, he was the one who got hurt, he was the one who got ditched. He never cared what others would say, he just wanted to love the girl he was with. From being older than the girl by 5 years, till being younger than the girl by 6 years, he never gave up trying to find that special girl that he could be with. Just as he was thinking through his failed relationships, his mother called his mobile phone. He didn't answer the call, he continued strolling and thinking. His mobile phone rang again. He looked at the caller, Elaine. He answered the call.

"Derrick? Thank god you're alright? Your mum called me. She told me that you didn't pick up your calls," Elaine asked, concerned.

"Elaine... I got ditched again... By Betty," Derrick said, with a low tone.

"Betty? That guai kia, how come she ditch you?" Elaine asked.

"*sigh* Long story, wanna join me to take a stroll at the park nearby Hougang Mall?" Derrick sighed and asked.

2008-08-13T02:49:00.003+08:00

Always in my mind.

Chapter 1 (Synopsis)

Derrick. A very simple, ordinary name. Like everyone else. Each and everyone of us are unique in our different way. Derrick is a 18 year old. He experienced failed relationships, and of course, the outcome of the relationships he had was he got ditched. Although the countless girls that are out to break guys' hearts are out there, he never lost faith in relationships. All he wanted was a girl to grow old with him. All he wanted was a soulmate he can share his sorrows, happiness, blissfulness, troubles, events that happened in a day. Very simple, but yet very hard to fulfil. This world is just so weird. Why do simple things just seem so complicated at times? Was he ever wrong to love a girl? That very special girl that he really love with his heart, who maybe will break his heart one day. Where is that girl? Is it the girl he is with now? Is the girl in front of him the girl that wouldn't leave him? Where is she? People believed that everyone is destined to be with that very special person. But how about those who died without a soulmate? Where is their "destined" lover?

Derrick met this girl, Denise, only once, but their feelings developed through overseas calls and online contact. It seemed like a long distance relationship, but many would say they are just foolish, or rather, Derrick is just foolish. He would send gifts to the girl, but he never received any back before. His friends told him that this girl is just making use of him, to send gifts to her. She have no intention to meet him again in real life. Until one day, when she finally met him again. But something happened, she betrayed Derrick's trust. He had a very big blow and he attempted suicide. However, he did not die, but he lost one very valuable thing, his memories. He have a very good friend by his side all the while though, Elaine. She was someone who really liked Derrick a lot, but her looks can't be compared to Denise. She didn't look too bad, just that her figure wasn't as good as Denise. She would look good when she dressed up, but she never liked doing that. Would Elaine be able to bring back Derrick's memories? Will they have a happy ending? Don't be too sure. Everything has a twist.

2008-08-05T16:53:00.003+08:00

Why Love?

Chapter 18 (Finale)

As Mary was running towards Ben and Tina, two words went pass her mind. Finally she saw Ben's back and Tina's back.

"BEN! I won't let you go with this bitch!" Mary shouted.

"Mary? What happened? Why can you stand again?" Ben asked, shocked. Tina looked at Mary standing up before her, she was shocked. Her eyes were wide open, her mouth was slightly opened, but it just hanged there, as if she was frozen in time.

"Ben! I love you! I love you!!! Don't go with this girl," Mary said. Ben didn't reply, he was still trying to recover from the shock. Mary hugged Ben tight and pushed Tina aside. Ben still didn't move, his whole body was stiff. Mary withdrew a bit and kissed Ben. This time, Ben's body softened and his arms slowly wrapped around Mary's waist. Tina watched at the both of them kiss, but she didn't seem sad at all. Instead, she was smiling. Ben couldn't breathe from Mary's tight hug and released Mary a little. He withdrew his mouth from hers.

"Mary! You can stand again! What the doctor said..." Ben couldn't finish his sentence. Mary gave Ben a tight slap on the face and his nose bled.

"How dare you two-time me! You never die before? Two-time me liao still kiss me till like that! Lucky I can move again, if not I couldn't have slap you!" Mary started scolding Ben. What else she scolded, wasn't important, because all were vulgarities, hokkien, english, chinese, cantonese vulgarities, were splattered onto Ben's face.

"Mary... The doctor asked me to use my cousin to agitate you..." Ben stuttered, trying to get his message across. He rubbed his cheek continuously to make the pain subside.

"Huh?! What?! She's your cousin?!" Mary said, shocked, and she pointed at Tina. She was still smiling at them.

"Yes... He said maybe it could get you to move again, because you could have moved long ago, just that there's something in your heart that makes you don't wanna get up from where you were," Ben explained.

"So it was all along my own mental barrier?" Mary asked, guilty.

"Yes... Because you thought that being paralyzed for life can tie me down. I admit that is selfish, but I wouldn't blame you... All I wanted was for you to walk again. I was crossing my fingers that you would come rushing to me. But I didn't expect you to slap me..." Ben said. Upon hearing this, Mary quickly rushed over to Ben and rubbed his cheek for him, as well as blowing at the red mark on his face. She used her sleeve to clean the blood oozing out of Ben's nose too.

"Then... I think my job here is done! Good luck Ben kor kor!" Tina said, as she waved her hands to them, walking away and heading home.

---

*Baby crying*

"Dear! Do you mind feeding the baby?" Ben said.

"You do it! I do it all the time, I'm tired!" Mary complained.

"Dear, if I his mother, I would, but I have nothing to feed him," Ben said, giggling a little.

"Then go do some surgery!" Mary shot back, carrying the baby and into the bedroom.

"I will, but I will find another guy then!" Ben said, laughing out loud.

"You dare?!" Mary raised her voice, as she charged towards Ben and started tickling him. Soon it was night time. It was the day, Mary stood up by herself again, just that it's 5 years later.

"Dear, do you remember what day this is?" Mary said, as she cuddled into Ben's arms.

"Of course I do, Dear, it's the day I spited you with my cousin! Haha!" Ben joked. Mary poked Ben in the stomach.

"Yes... You know when I was running, towards you and Tina, two words went across my mind?" Mary asked.

"Huh? What two words? You never told me about it before," Ben asked, curious.

"Why love?" Mary said.

"Why love?" Ben asked.

"Yes, why love? Because at that point of time, I was very sad and angry. I gave so much to you, did so much for you, but because I'm paralyzed for life, you would leave me. So I asked myself, why love? Remember there was a guy named Joe?" Mary explained.

"Yes, that bastard," Ben said, his tone implying that he wasn't too happy with Joe either.

"I told myself from then, that I won't fall for any guy, but guess what?" Mary asked.

"You fell for me right?" Ben said, proudly.

"Yeah... And I really didn't regret it, because, the same two words came to my mind when I realized that I liked you," Mary said, as she moved her face towards Ben's.

"Yeah. Why love?" Ben said, kissing Mary. After a minute of kissing, Mary withdrew her mouth from Ben's.

"Yeah, but I realized, why love shouldn't exist," Mary said.

"Why?" Ben asked, puzzled.

"Because love doesn't need a reason. Because true love exists within oneself," Mary said.

~~~THE END~~~

2008-08-04T23:07:00.003+08:00

real life story.

personal experience.

Once there was a guy, he just broke off with his first. Nothing else could describe how he felt, but ah well. That's life isn't it? We have to get on with our life. Exams were over, and there was a long break. He decided to start working.

There is a girl in his workplace who caught his eye. Just another ordinary girl, maybe a little pretty, but just normal. He wasn't sure whether he liked that girl or not. A few weeks passed, he confirmed his feelings. But he didn't knew where to start. They were nothing more than friends, and colleagues. Nothing to talk about, other than work. Soon, valentines' day was approaching. He plucked up his courage to ask her out on valentines' day, hinting whether she was free. He started off by messaging her.

"Are you free to chat?"

"What thing?"

"I was wondering if you're free tomorrow"

"Sorry, a bit busy"

The boy was disappointed, but it didn't mattered that much anyway. The girl left the company, not because of the boy, but because her contract ended.

---

Well, life is full of rejections, sorrows, pains, downs. But if we can face it with a smile, enjoy the sweet parts of life and live it to the fullest, you will find that the world is a better place to live in. Many people keep talking about death, about wanting to die in such a horrible world. But they did not realize that people around them are also living their lives in the same "horrible" world. If the rest can live, to 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, why can't them? It's on your part, how you want to live your life. Pressure, stress, from friends and peers can affect your life tremendously, but if you were to face these with a smile, not thinking about the dark side of everything, life would be much more enjoyable. If I faced rejections with a frown, there won't be a second try, third try or even fourth try. I'm a person facing setbacks and obstacles all the time, and that doesn't make me unique, because ALL of us are facing them too, all the time. It's just that very few of us realize it, why? Missing a bus, sounds simple? But we do not realize that even missing a bus, and the effort to wait for another bus, is actually facing a setback. Placing a coin into a vending machine, and the vending machine rejects it, sounds simple too right? How much effort do we need to pick up the coin and place it in again? Negligible. But it's also a form of overcoming a setback. How about a rejection from your teacher to what you propose for your project? For people who are interested, they would take all the trouble, to reinforce the idea again to please the teacher. Now we're talking about much more effort and pain to it. How about a rejection from the person you like? Many of us can't accept the rejection. Many people love to venture high, but when they receive a setback, they would give up. The higher you go, the greater the fall. But if we face every setback or obstacle with a persevering attitude, not only can we be happier, but be able to move on with life. I always believed in trusting yourself, because, if even you yourself dun trust yourself, who will? Never listen to others, if your within doesn't tally, listen to yourself, dun get influenced so easily. Whatever others say isn't important, ultimately, it's your life, it's how you want to live it. Most importantly, who you're going to live it for. Definitely yourself, but if there's someone else for you to live for, think of the other person. If the person lives for you too, are you going to live for that person too? Does everything he or she do affect you directly or indirectly? Do you think of the person, before you sleep everyday? Think hard, there's bound to be SOMEONE, not something, that you would think of before you sleep, EVERYDAY, not once in a while. That person, who is he/she?

2008-08-04T09:59:00.002+08:00

and the long waited...

Why Love?

Chapter 17

"Huh! Why can't I move? Why can't I move!!!" Mary shouted...

"Mary? What's happening?" Ben asked, shocked.

"I can't move my whole body! Other than my head, I can't move the rest of my body!" Mary screamed. Ben called the doctor to see what was wrong with Mary. The doctor was inside the ward with the curtains closed for a pretty long time. Ben was like patrolling outside the ward, waiting for the doctor's results. Finally, the doctor came out of the ward. His body language told everything. He came out shaking his head, and slowly walked towards Ben.

"The blows were too heavy, she lost mobility of her body and can be paralyzed for the rest of her life. For now, it's still too early to tell. Let's just hope for the best," the doctor said, as he placed his palm on Ben's shoulder.

Upon hearing the doctor's bad news, Ben rushed into the ward and hugged Mary tight. He couldn't control and his tears kept flowing. He would rather Mary didn't dodge the blows for him. He would rather the one to be paralyzed was him and not his loved one. He was helpless, he didn't know what he could do for Mary. Mary couldn't do anything, she couldn't hug Ben back either, all she could do was to cry with Ben.

---

Ben carried Mary and placed her on the wheelchair carefully. It was really a pity. Such a young and pretty girl, to be in such a state. She couldn't walk, couldn't eat by herself, every time she needed something, she needed someone to help her. She didn't like this kind of lifestyle, who would? Ben pushed her to the park, where the view was the best. In front of them was the sea, Ben looked out, as his tears started to flow again. He turned to Mary.

"Mary, did you regret suffering those blows for me?" Ben asked, with his nose blocked, because of the crying.

"Silly boy, are you crying? Of course I didn't regret. If you were to suffer those blows, and be the one sitting her right now, I would be the one serving you! I wouldn't want that, I'd rather you serve me, than I serve you," Mary joked, trying to look on the bright side of life.

"Mary... What if I told you, I can't be here to protect and take care of you anymore?" Ben said, his tears drying up. Mary was shocked. But she told herself, Ben might be joking.

"Oh ya all right," Mary said.

"Are you sure? I'll be leaving you..." Ben said.

"Yeah, like as if you dare! Haha!" Mary laughed.

"Here... I would want to introduce to you, my new girlfriend, Tina," Ben said. A young and pretty girl, about 165cm stood in front of her, as she blocked out the nice sunset. Mary's tears started to flow.

"Mary, I realized I can't take care of you. I'm really tired pushing you around on the wheelchair. It's been one year, I think you're going to be paralyzed for the rest of your life. I'm still young, I still can go out to find another better girl. And I found her, Tina. She changed my life ever since I met her. She's almost as pretty as you, just a little shorter, but it's better for me. I'm still young, I can't be stuck with you forever..." Ben couldn't finish what he was trying to say.

"STOP! STOP IT! GET LOST!" Mary shouted. Her tears soaked her clothes. When she thought that she could count on Ben for the rest of her life. She was utterly disappointed, but Ben didn't lose out, he only lost one year. She thought of all the great times she had, all the sweet memories they had. He really loved Ben a lot. He was really the one that she loved deeply, but now... He's going to leave her, for good.

"I'll still be your brother, sister," Ben said.

"GET LOST! I DON'T NEED YOU!!! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!!" Mary screamed, as her voice went off. Her tears soaked her face, there wasn't anyone to wipe off her tears. She wanted very much for Ben to dry her tears. But she could hear the footsteps of two people, getting further, softer, till there was silence. All she could hear, was the sea breeze, and the sea gulls. The sound of the waves clashing onto the seashore. First was Joe, now Ben. But for Joe's case, it was different. They never started, or should I say, Mary didn't had real feelings for him. But Ben, she thought that she suffered those blows for him, she thought that being paralyzed in place of Ben, would have Ben by her side. But she was wrong, in her mind now was: all guys are the same, they are all lustful creatures, they are casanovas, flirts, every bad thing Mary could think of, that would be the definition of the words, "guy", "man", "boy" or "male".

All is lost, even now, she have to wait for someone to notice her before she could go back to the hospital ward. She hated Ben, she hated everyone. Why would she suffer so much for Ben? Did she regret it? No. She didn't regret doing so much for Ben. Because she really loved him. Even if she's going to transform from a pretty girl to an old hag alone from now on, she wouldn't regret it. Because, she experienced true love, at least for that period of time. Suddenly, she had a strong force pushing her from within. She wanted to get Ben back, she wanted to be with Ben, she wanted to fight with that girl for Ben. Suddenly, Mary stood up from the wheelchair, she swayed for a while, before being able to stand still. What happened? She quickly turned around, seeing two shadows strolling, it was Ben and Tina. She used all her might, and ran towards them. She had to fight for Ben...

2008-08-03T08:45:00.002+08:00

VeXaLL: Humans changed from simple living things to complicated, scheming and non-understandable demons. Why is this happening? Why do people around you change? It's not our fault that we change? Indirectly, it's nobody's fault, but actually, it is. Although technology played a very big role in this phenomenon, but technology only existed, because humans invented it. As technology advances, you realize that the outside world, in other words, society are getting more and more challenging, brutal and evil. People around you can't be trusted; is that so? In many cases, yes. There are exceptions though, these exceptions are people who can understand that all these are happening, but there are still people who aren't like the rest. Only when we want to find out who are still trustable, can the rest follow suit. Because everyone else thinks that this world is a "every man for himself" kind of world, that's why, you see everyone backstabbing each other. Relationship wise, guys or girls who get hurt by their ex boyfriend or girlfriend, would have the mindset that, all guys/girls are not trustable. Because of this, more and more relationships are failing. Because all these victims think the same way: they got hurt once by the opposite sex, so they must be wary of them. they cannot trust them as how they trusted their first, because they dun want to get hurt again, because they dun wish to be the one to get hurt, because they rather the other person get hurt, rather than themselves. That's why, many relationships nowadays... last for not more than 1-2 months? if it can even stretch to 3 or 4 months, it can be considered VERY long or fortunate. why is all these happening? what i want to say to every young guy or girl, ranging from 12 to 25: learn to cherish people around you. this is cliche but here's the reason. true, there are a lot of flirts and casanovas around, it's not easy for you to trust your current boyfriend/girlfriend, maybe because you got hurt before, or you heard from what your friends said. but what if your current boyfriend/girlfriend isn't like the rest? isn't a flirt or casanova? if both the guy and the girl think this way, the result will only be a short-lived relationship. because of the events that happened to the people around me, blah blah, and what i can see, i really think that people should change their mindset. true love comes within the heart. true love only exists when you want it to. if you keep being suspicious of whether your boyfriend/girlfriend is true to you or not, you won't experience true love. most importantly is trust. it's not easy trusting another person 100%, i know. humans love to suspect one another, but they do not realize that they themselves hate getting suspected. so it becomes a cycle... only people who can see this fact, can they experience true love by trusting... but once again, it takes two hands to clap. if the guy/girl doesn't trust his/her boyfriend/girlfriend, even if one of them trust the other, nothing good will come out of it. really sophiscated, but it's the actual truth...

will update chapter 17 tonight.

2008-08-01T21:41:00.002+08:00

Why Love?

Chapter 16

"Hahahaha! I shall kill your mother first! You will see how your mother DIE in my clutches!" the man shouted back, laughing like a lunatic. Ben couldn't do anything, he was tied to the pole. He was trying his best to tear the rope tied to his hand, but his efforts were futile. Suddenly, he saw Mary standing up from where she was and dashing towards the man... Mary kicked the man in his abdomen, then his groin area. The man fell on the floor, groaning in pain, as he shoved his knife recklessly. Mary quickly freed Ben from the rope.

"Mary! It's very dangerous you know?" Ben shouted, the moment he got free, as he grabbed Mary and his mum, trying to flee from danger. When he was about to run, he suddenly fell to the floor, his leg was pulled by a strong force. The man slit Ben's fore leg, Ben raised his other leg and gave a strong blow onto the man's head. The man fell to the other side of the room, his knife flying in the direction of Ben's mum. Ben saw the knife flew past him, as Mary ran to protect Ben's mum from the flying knife. The knife stabbed Mary's left thigh and she fell to the floor.

"MARY!" Ben shouted, as he rushed towards Mary.

"Mary, are you all right?" Ben said, as he looked at Mary's pale face. The knife didn't cut deep, but it cut the area near her knee.

"I'm all right, quickly, get the key and get out of this house!" Mary shouted, as she removed the knife from her thigh. Blood was oozing out of her wound. The man didn't give up, he recoved, and this time he took a chopper from his kitchen. Ben threw a chair at him as the man charged towards them. With a blow from the chopper, the wooden chair split into half. With all his strength, Ben pulled the television off the table and threw at him. The television hit the man's chest and rendered him on the floor unconscious. Mary found the key, as she limped to the door. Ben carried Mary on his back, and his mum in front to flee first. When they exited from the house, they didn't know where they were, everywhere was trees. Mary's wound did not stop bleeding, her blood type was O-, which means she won't stop bleeding so easily. Her face turned pale, as her whole body lowered in temperature. They had no mobile phone in possession, no communicating tools were available. No one was even in sight.

"Mary, you have to hang on! You have to!" Ben shouted, as he walked and walked, in search of any people or communicating devices or tools. Finally, they found someone who could contact the police and ambulance. Just as they were calling the police, the insane man charged at them with a baseball bat. He recovered from the blow from the television, he was insane, his strength is incredibly massive. Ben put Mary on the floor, as he charged towards the man. He punched the man in his face, but the man flitched for a while and raised the baseball bat to hit Ben on the head. Once again, Mary dashed towards the man and pushed him to the floor. In this attempt, Mary's head was hit by the baseball bat. Her head didn't bleed, but she lost consciousness. The last thing she heard was, "MARY!!! NO!". Ben snatched the baseball bat from the man and smashed it on his stomach, and his limps. The man was bleeding from the blows. Luckily, the young girl who lended them her handphone called the ambulance and police, and they arrived at the nick of time...

Mary was unconscious, she had a dream...

"Ben! Where are you!? Where am I?!" Mary shouted, as she was surrounded by trees and darkness. She was frantically running around the forest, shouting Ben's name, but to no avail.

"Am I dead? Where am I! BEN!!!" Mary kept on shouting. Suddenly, she awoke from her dream.

"Mary! You're awake!" Ben said, with a smile on his face. He was glad that Mary was all right, after three days of coma.

"Ben!" Mary said, as she wanted to sit up and hug Ben, but her efforts were futile. She couldn't move, at all.

"Huh! Why can't I move? Why can't I move!!!" Mary shouted...

2008-07-29T08:33:00.002+08:00

Why Love?

Chapter 15

A grey-haired man, with torn clothes and pants, holding a knife in his hand followed these three, without them noticing. He stared at them, as he remembered the painful past he had with Ben's father. The feud between him and Ben's father had to end that very day when the three of them went to have dinner. Although Ben's father passed away, this man, this lunatic, still bears the grudge, and he's a lunatic, he can't think straight. He followed them, as his head ached, due to the recalling of the past. He vowed to make Ben and his mum pay for Ben's father's doings to the former...

---

"Auntie, eat more," Mary said, as she took some fish from the steamboat and placed them onto Mrs Yeo's bowl of rice.

"Haha! So thoughtful, no wonder Ben likes you. Young, pretty and good to the elderly. Most importantly, feminine and gentle!" Ben's mother praised Mary.

"Haha, auntie. I think so too..." before Mary could finish her sentence, Ben interrupted.

"Mummy? Are you sure she's gentle? She so ah lian and chor lor!" Ben shot at Mary. Mary raised her hand and patted Ben's back. This time, it was very light and gentle. She controlled herself, she had to change, for Ben.

"See? She's so gentle!" Ben's mother said, as she winks at Mary.

Mary and Ben's mother had so much to talk, because it's all about Ben. They talked about his bad habits, bad points and stuff like that. Ben could do nothing but to joke back with them to entertain and make the atmosphere fill with relaxed and bonded feelings.

"So, did you children enjoy your dinner?" Ben's mum asked, as she looked at the empty steamboat. No food were leftover, except for some soup sizzling on the steamboat, and a few grains of rice on Ben's side of the table.

"Auntie, Ben has a 'hole' in his mouth when he eat right?" Mary joked, as she pointed at the grains of rice near Ben's bowl.

"Haha! Whenever he eat, I've to clean up the table for him, but that's when he's still a kid," Ben's mum laughed.

"How about now?" Mary asked, curious.

"I order him to clean up himself! How old is he already? He have to clean up himself, haha!" Ben's mum laughed again.

"Mummy, it's not funny," Ben said, frustrated over the bad-mouthing between his girlfriend and mother.

"Auntie, he seems to be angry liao," Mary said, putting her arm over Ben's shoulder.

"No lah, how can I be angry?" Ben said. He suddenly tickled Mary while her guard was down. They tickled each other as the three of them strolled along the pathway back home. When they were strolling and chatting happily, suddenly they heard heavy and noisy footsteps. When they stopped, the footsteps stopped too. Ben turned 360 degrees to see if anyone was following them, but to no avail. All of three of them heard it, they can't be dreaming, it was about 2141 hours. No one seemed to be around them, the air was still, the sound of crickets and the night breeze could be heard.

"Let's walk more quickly, it don't seem safe here," Ben suggested as he grabbed Mary's hand and walked beside his mum. Just at this instance, a shadow knocked Ben out. Mary and Ben's mum screamed as the figure grabbed the both of them and knocked them both cold too.

---

"Where are we? Mary?" Ben said, as he slowly awoke from the blackout. All three of them were tied to a pole.

"Ben!" Mary shouted.

"Mary, I'm here, shhh," Ben whispered.

"Ben, I'm so glad you're safe, where are we?" Mary whispered back.

"I have no idea, I think we got kidnapped, mummy is still knocked out cold." Ben whispered.

Mary realized that her hands were free. The kidnapper didn't tie her hands properly. But before she wanted stand up, a grey-haired man came.

"Mrs Yeo!" the man shouted, as he slapped Ben's mum awake.

"Stop it!" Ben ordered.

"Oh, you must be that jerk's son," the man groaned. Ben's mum woke up and the man grabbed her cheeks. He pulled Ben's mum up and locked her by her neck.

"I shall let your son experience the horror of losing his mother!" the man laughed hysterically as he raised a knife, and cut Ben's mother arm slightly, just enough to let some blood flow out.

"You crazy man! Don't do it! Kill me if you must!" Ben shouted back at the man.

"Hahahaha! I shall kill your mother first! You will see how your mother DIE in my clutches!" the man shouted back, laughing like a lunatic. Ben couldn't do anything, he was tied to the pole. He was trying his best to tear the rope tied to his hand, but his efforts were futile. Suddenly, he saw Mary standing up from where she was and dashing towards the man...

2008-07-28T08:55:00.005+08:00

Why Love?

Chapter 14

"Ben! Why didn't you lock the front gate?" Ben's mother shouted.

Both Ben and Mary awoke from the romantic trance, their faces just a finger away from each other. They quickly moved away from each other as Ben's mother entered the room.

---

"Ben! How many times must I tell you! Lock the door behind you when you come home," Ben's mother nagged at him.

"All right mummy, it just slipped off my mind for a second," Ben replied, scratching his head.

"You better remember. Oh hi, Mary. Wow, such a nice skirt, huh?" Ben's mother said, as she stared at the skirt.

"Mummy, what do you know about skirts?" Ben questioned his mum.

"Oh, skirts. I know about them way more than you expect. I used to sing on the stage, remember? That's also how your father got attracted to me," Ben's mum said, confidently.

"Oh auntie, sing a song or two for us?" Mary requested.

"Haha, maybe not today. Anyway, Ben, I came home early because there's a lunatic on the loose. There's already a few cases of people getting hit by this insane man. You have to be careful," Ben's mother said, her eyes implying that she's very concerned about this matter. Her eyes shifted to Mary.

"Especially girls like you, young and pretty. This lunatic also molested two school girls just yesterday. The police are hot on his heels, so I don't think he will surface so soon. But nevertheless, be careful okay?" Ben's mother explained.

"Aiyo mummy, you very naggy leh. We know, we know. We're not kids already," Ben said, unable to withstand her nagging.

"Auntie, don't worry. I have Ben to protect me," Mary said. Ben was shocked. His back immediately straightened as his mum's eyes shifted back to Ben and stared at him. She stopped for a moment, before speaking.

"Ohhhhhhhh. I get it," Ben's mother said, dragging the oh. She understood what Mary meant. They're together.

"I understand, you want me to make myself scarce right? Okay, I'll go over next door for mahjong. And Ben, don't forget to close the door, close the windows, be careful of the lunatic..." Ben's mother didn't get to finish her sentence.

"Aiyo mummy! All right, go play your mahjong, don't nag at us already," Ben said, getting frustrated over his mum's nagging. But if mothers don't nag, they're aren't called mothers, right?

"Okay lah," Ben's mother cut short her speech and left the house. Mary looked at Ben, shyly.

"Wah wah wah. Ah lian now become so shy? Thought you're very rough? Anyway, remain like this, make you more feminine, make my heart beat faster! Haha!" Ben disturbed Mary.

"Eh! Take this then!" Mary said, as she smacked Ben's thigh very hard. A loud thud sound could be heard. Ben rubbed his thigh as he went forward to tickle Mary again. Once again, Mary fell into Ben's arms. This time, they managed to get their romantic kiss. The world seemed to stay still for that few minutes. Everything else didn't matter. The warmth, the bliss, of hugging each other, filled the room's atmosphere. Nothing else could be heard, except the breathing of Ben and Mary. After a whole three minutes of passionate kissing, Mary withdrew her mouth from Ben's.

"Wah, Ben, didn't know you're such a good kisser, huh," Mary said, as she poked Ben's stomach.

"Of course, if not how can I be your boyfriend?" Ben smugged, as he poked back.

"I'm hungry, BOYFRIEND. Cook something for me?" Mary said.

"Hmm... Let's wait for my mum, then we'll go out to grab a bite," Ben suggested.

"All right, then," Mary agreed.

---

Ben and Mary held hands as they walked behind Ben's mum. The latter led the way to a famous coffee shop; she loved the steamboat over there.

A grey-haired man, with torn clothes and pants, holding a knife in his hand followed these three, without them noticing. He stared at them, as he remembered the painful past he had with Ben's father. The feud between him and Ben's father had to end that very day when the three of them went to have dinner. Although Ben's father passed away, this man, this lunatic, still bears the grudge, and he's a lunatic, he can't think straight. He followed them, as his head ached, due to the recalling of the past. He vowed to make Ben and his mum pay for Ben's father's doings to the former...

~~~

If I never update on that day means I'm too busy! Don't worry and wait for the next day for the next update =x Assignment's deadlines reaching liao, so must chiong homework. If can I will update two chapters, if I'm SUPER free on that day =x "Why Love?" will have approximately 18-20 chapters bah. Look forward to the ending!

2008-07-27T21:25:00.002+08:00

Why Love?

Chapter 13

"Ben... Ben... Don't leave me, Don't jump down just like that, you still have me! I still need you!" Mary muttered to herself as she panted while skipping steps, up the long flight of stairs of 15 floors till the roof.

Mary pushed open the door of the root top area. She looked around for Ben, she ran around the roof top shouting Ben's name. Finally she saw Ben standing near the edge of the roof top. Ben looked at Mary, as he was shocked.

"M... M... Mary?" Ben stuttered.

"Ben... Don't kill yourself, don't leave me," Mary said, as her tears flowed. She rushed towards Ben and hugged him tight.

"M... Mary... Are you Jade?" Ben stuttered once again, his heart beat racing, still trying to recover from the shock.

"N... No Ben. Jade is actually..." Mary tried to think of someone that could possible fit with Jade's personality.

"Mary, don't need try to hide anymore..." Ben said, as he hugged Mary back.

"Ben... I don't know what to say... You guessed that I'm Jade?" Mary asked, as her tears kept flowing, damping Ben's shoulder.

"Yeah... I was trying my luck. Actually... Jane played a part, one way or another," Ben explained.

"Huh? What has Jane got to do with this?" Mary asked, curious.

"Come, let's go to my house, I'll show you something," Ben said, as he held Mary's hand and pulled her to his house.

---

Mary looked at the skirt. Her tears continued to flow. It's the skirt that she was eyeing the other time at Bugis Junction.

"Jane told me you liked this skirt a lot. So I bought it," Ben explained.

"Huh? By the way, why did you approach her..." Mary asked.

"After Lindy passed away, I told myself that I must cherish the people around me. Although I admit I had feelings for "Jade", but the first person that came to my mind is..." Ben said.

"Who?" Mary asked, anxiously.

"You know who..." Ben said, as he raised and drooped his eyebrows.

"Who... Say leh," Mary replied, as she poked Ben. For once, she was much more gentle to Ben.

"You loh," Ben said, as he poked back.

"Are you sure? But I thought you say I'm a very rough girl, like ah lian?" Mary said, as she moved away slightly from Ben and examined the skirt to see if it's an imitate.

"Very sure... Eh, why are you asking me all these?" Ben shot back.

"Huh? Why can't I ask?" Mary said, as she smacked Ben's back, as usual.

"You're JADE. I told you all those just now, like a couple of hours ago," Ben said, as he rubbed his back. He tickled Mary as a retaliation.

"Haha! All right, I know guys don't like to say such mushy stuff. But you tickle me! You're going to pay!" Mary giggled as she tickled Ben back too. Both of them started tickling one another, until Mary fell into Ben's arms, unable to withstand the ticklishness. Ben and Mary looked at each others' eyes. Their faces slowly moved towards each other. Mary closed her eyes first as a sign of allowance to Ben's progress. Ben closed his, too, and moved his lips towards Mary's.

"Ben! Why didn't you lock the front gate?" Ben's mother shouted.

Both Ben and Mary awoke from the romantic trance, their faces just a finger away from each other. They quickly moved away from each other as Ben's mother entered the room.

2008-07-25T22:30:00.004+08:00

Why Love?

Chapter 12

Mary panicked. She grabbed her phone and typed a long message to Ben. She was wondering if she should press send... At the same time, she rushed out of her house, in attempt to find Ben...
Mary searched high and low at Ben's block for him but to no avail. She thought to herself: Could he have committed suicide at home? Could he have went other places to commit suicide? Where is he now? Is he still alive? Please let him be alive... Please... But why I think this way? Why don't I want him to leave me?

---

Ben was holding his phone, waiting for a message to arrive. He reviewed all the past message logs with Jade. He really had a very great time chatting with her, all his sorrows and problems, he could tell her anything under the sun. He realized that some times, Jade would know what he was thinking, she knew some stuff about him, although he never told her about them. She seemed to be someone he know personally, someone quite close to him, or even very close to him. She knew him too well to be only a person he knew on the net.

He looked at his mobile phone, he was expecting a call from Jade, or at least someone he know. But he remembered, he never told Jade about his mobile phone, neither does he know hers. If Jade is really just someone whom he know on the net, their friendship might end. He started to panic, his plan might backfire, not only would he not know who Jade is, or at least confirm that Jade isn't someone he know, he might also lose a bosom friend. He looked at his messenger, Jade is not online. There was nothing he could do, he acted to rashly. Because of his anxiety to find out who Jade was, or at least be sure that Jade was just an online friend, it got the better of him. Just when he was about to give up hope, he felt his phone vibrating. He looked at the number, it was a private number.

"Jade? Are you Jade?" Ben asked anxiously.

"Yes Ben, this is Jade. Don't do anything silly, please. Don't hurt yourself, why are you doing all these?" 'Jade' replied.

"Jade, all I wanted to know is just who are you. I don't want to lose another important person in my life," Ben said, desperately trying to recognize Jade's voice.

"Ben, are you sure I'm the only important person left?" 'Jade' replied.

"Ye..." Ben stopped. He just remembered, other than Jade, he also had another important person left in his life. The person who had been there for him when he needed a shoulder to lean on. When he needed someone to accompany him to drink their hearts out and get a hangover the next day, the person will be there, always there, wherever she is. It is Mary, someone very, very important to him, throughout his life, even from primary school. Their friendship can't be compared to his relationship to Lindy, although he loved Lindy.

"So? I'm not the only important person left in your life right? There's still your parents, am I right to say that?" 'Jade' said.

"Jade, for once, you're not totally right. My parents are important to me, but there is someone that is also important. This person helped me in many many ways in my life. When I was down, when I was out, she will be there for me," Ben replied.

"Who? Don't tell me it is me, you haven't even met me before," 'Jade' replied.

"True, we haven't meet before. This person is, Mary. My best sister. Not bloody related, but she's been a very good friend to me, always there for me. I'm not sure if I had developed feelings for her. Whenever she smacks my back or get close to me while disturbing me, I'll feel my heart racing. But I can't be too sure... Because I was in love with Lindy. There was once, when I was with Lindy at kbox. But when Mary called me up and tell me that she's very sad, I left Lindy at the kbox and she had to go home herself. After that I went straight to meet Mary, I just had a very strong feeling that she needed me a lot at that moment. I'm really confused about my feelings... I'm really tired of everything now, maybe I should just leave the world," Ben said.

"Leave the world? Are you going to do something silly?" 'Jade' asked, concerned.

"Maybe. I'll jump down from my block. It will end everything fast," Ben said.

"NO! Don't do it! Where are you now?" 'Jade' asked frantically.

"A second away from jumping down," Ben replied. Before Mary could continue persuading Ben, he hanged up. She inserted a few more ten-cent coins into the public phone and tried dialing Ben's mobile phone, but he turned it off. Mary rushed up the stairs of Ben's block, she wanted to stop Ben. She was very afraid of losing Ben. The reason? She's not too sure why too.

"Ben... Ben... Don't leave me, Don't jump down just like that, you still have me! I still need you!" Mary muttered to herself as she panted while skipping steps, up the long flight of stairs of 15 floors till the roof.

2008-07-24T08:55:00.002+08:00

Why Love?

Chapter 11

Ben couldn't believe his eyes. Lindy changed for him. The letter was soaked with his tears, and mucus. He thought that what he did wasn't worth it like what his sister, Mary, said. But after reading this letter, he was glad that he trusted Lindy all the while. He knew that Lindy was putting her real feelings, he saw her cry at times, but she didn't want to tell him why. Lindy was actually crying because Ben treated her too good but she can't treat him as good. She wanted very much to tell Ben, but when she thought that Ben would be devastated, she held back, and all she could do was to cry. Whenever Ben caught her crying and asked her, she would scold Ben for being nosy, sometimes even giving him cold shoulder for a few days. It hurt her more than it hurt Ben, because every time she scolded Ben, her heart ached once.

"Ben, here are the gifts you gave her, all of them. She didn't even used them once, all were hidden inside her cupboard. She mentioned in another letter meant for us. Do you want to read it too?" Lindy's father asked.

"All right..." Ben said, as his nose was blocked and his voice changed.

Dad, Mum, I know I hadn't been a good girl in the past, I had created so much trouble for the both of you. Those guys who came up to our house, those guys who kept calling our house number, both of you would help me. You would lock the house, or if they came in the morning, both of you would take emergency leave to stay in the house, call the school up that I would not be going to school on that day. For those who kept calling our house number, you would change our number and take the trouble to inform our relatives and your friends. I really appreciated all these that both of you had done, I only realized till recently. I doubt that I can reciprocate your kindness all these years, your care, concern, nags, because of my condition. By the time both of you had read this letter, I would have been in the emergency room. The doctor told me all about my condition. I only have about, at most, not more than a day to live. There is a last wish that I have. I hope that both of you would pass all the items that are in my cupboard. It is a locked compartment. Inside the compartment are all the luxurious items that Ben gave me. I never used them, I didn't have the face to use them. One simple reason is that I really love him, but I treated him the way I shouldn't, not because I had a choice, but because of my condition. I hope both of you would help me keep this as a secret... Just return him all of the bags, clothes, soft toys. I don't deserve them... Thanks Dad, Mum, I love both of you. With hugs and kisses to my dearest parents, from your rebellious daughter, Lindy.

Ben held the sack of items that he gave Lindy. Even though they were together for a few months, the amount of gifts he gave Lindy, the cost, can mount up to at least three thousand dollars. Tops, skirts, shorts, dresses, bags, soft toys, shoes, accessories. All in the sack that he is holding now, everything still wrapped, as how they were before they were purchased from the shops. He then realized the reason why she never wore them out or anywhere.

"Uncle... Burn all these with her body. Or bury all these with her, I don't want to take them back," Ben said, as he handed the sack of gifts to Lindy's father.

"But why, Ben? She is dead already, you spent so much money on her, on these gifts, she can't bring it with her. Keep all these, here, take them," Lindy's father said, as he coughed.

"Burn it with her, let it be buried with her forever. Looking at these gifts would bring back painful memories, so I rather not take them... I'm sorry uncle," Ben said, as he stuffed the sack into Lindy's father's hands.

"All right. I'll take them back. But I won't burn them. Because her last wish, is to return you all these gifts. When you're ready to take them back, give me a call, I'll always keep these in her room..." Lindy's father said, as he tried his very best to hold back his tears.

---

Ben strolled his way home, as he slowly cried and cried. The moment he reached home, he went online msn. Jade was online. He started a conversation with Jade.

Ben typed, "Jade... My ex-girlfriend just died. And I just realized that she treated me horribly because she knew that she was dying. I really feel very terrible now..."

Jade immediately replied, "Huh? I thought she was a flirt?"

Ben typed, "Jade, how you know so much about me? I never mentioned to you that she was a flirt..."

Jade replied, "Err... I guessed, the things that she did, probably she's flirting with you only mah."

Ben replied, "Jade, are you someone whom I know? Can we meet please?"

Mary stared at her screen. She replied, "Ben... I told you it's hard for the both of us to meet."

Ben replied, "After all that happened, I told myself I must cherish the people around me. I really like you, I don't want to lose you, after losing Lindy. I'm sure you're someone I know."

Mary's heartbeat raced. Did Ben already know it was her all the long? She didn't reply him. After about five minutes, she received another message.

Ben typed, "Since even you don't want to meet me and admit that you know me, I'm going to kill myself."

Mary panicked. She grabbed her phone and typed a long message to Ben. She was wondering if she should press send... At the same time, she rushed out of her house, in attempt to find Ben...

2008-07-23T17:20:00.004+08:00

Why Love?

Chapter 10

No one expected all these from Lindy, a flirt, not only known to people around her, she admitted herself too. This secret was to die with Lindy and get buried forever, however...

---

Lindy sighed. All the boyfriends she had in the past, all of them, she was just toying with their feelings, or vice versa. Ben was a faithful boyfriend, he wouldn't flirt with any other girls whom he don't know, or any pretty girl that flirts with him. Lindy was touched by his actions and behaviors, she was determined to amend her ways for Ben. However, she was diagnosed with terminal stage cancer, because of her asthmatic history. Her father smoked at home frequently and Lindy had been breathing in second hand smoke. This aggravated her condition. She decided to write a letter, to voice out all of her feelings. That was the only way she could write out how she feel for Ben. She didn't want anyone else to know how much she loved Ben, although they were together for just a short period of time. She wanted not only Ben to hate her, but also all her other friends, as well as Ben's. But if her condition were to improve, this letter might be the only source of evidence that, she truly loves Ben. Lindy wanted to destroy the letter after she was admitted to the hospital. But she didn't have a chance to return home, so this letter, lies in the drawer of her room...

---

Ben was paying his respects to Lindy when someone tapped his shoulder; his greatest fear.

"Ben, I got to have a word with you," A tall but haggard man said with his coarse voice.

Ben was shocked. Was the man someone sent by Lindy's parents to hit him, scold him or whatsoever? How did this man know his name? He didn't dared to take more than a glance of the man. He stared at the man's shoes. They were very familiar... He saw it all the time while being with Lindy. They belonged to Lindy's father.

"Ben, I want to let you know that, it isn't your fault she died. Stop reproaching yourself. Look at yourself, you look more haggard than me. Have you been sleeping well lately?" Lindy's father explained to Ben.

"N... No, uncle. I hadn't been sleeping well for the past week. Only about 12 hours for the entire week. I can't sleep, uncle. It's indirectly my fault that Lindy passed away of an asthma attack," Ben reproached himself, as he punched his own face. Lindy's father grabbed his fist.

"Ben, stop doing this... Here... Look at this letter," Lindy's father handed the letter to Ben's palm. Upon reading it, Ben's tears flowed like waterfalls...

To whoever that might read this, or there might be no one reading this in the end, I would have burnt this letter.

I've been a flirt for as long as I've entered secondary school. Everyday I would find new guys to flirt, and widen my choices and social circle. Whenever there is a very handsome guy who confesses to me and give me luxurious stuff, I would stead with him for a short while. When I'm sick and tired of the guy, I would just give a stupid reason and break off with him. But somehow I come across this guy... Ben. He made me feel that he is a guy, so faithful, so innocent and naive. I always thought guys were all the same, lustful and atrocious. But he was that exception that changed my life ever since... He took the courage to confess to me, and I accepted him. I told myself that I won't flirt anymore, I just want him, and only him. He's so faithful, if I break his heart, I would be worse than a beast. And miraculously, I'm deeply in love with him. But because of my condition, I think I won't have the luxury to be together with him. I really very much wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. But perhaps this is karma. Retribution for me because I broke so many guys' hearts in the past. I have to think of a way to make him hate me, detest, abhor, condemn me. I don't want to see him sad. I rather see him curse at me at my grave than to see him crying everyday. I don't want to hurt him, so I have to do evil things... Anyway, it's my nature in the past, it wouldn't be much of a suspicion since I was notorious for being a flirt. I really love Ben... But seems that heaven doesn't want us to be together... I'm really sorry, Ben. I really love you. A lot...

...to be continued.

2008-07-22T08:52:00.002+08:00

Why Love?

Chapter 9

He peeped through the window of the ward's door. He saw a guy hugging Lindy and pecking her lips... It's a guy, quite tall and handsome. Lindy was kissing that guy, and Ben saw everything. His bouquet of flowers dropped on the floor. The fruit basket landed on the floor and all the fruits started to roll out of the basket. Ben opened the ward's door and stared at Lindy and the guy.

"Hey Ben, meet my new boyfriend, Al..." before Lindy could finish her sentence, Ben grabbed Albert and gave him a punch on his face. Albert's nose bled. He recovered from the punch and punched Ben in abdomen. Ben fell to the floor at a corner of the ward; he didn't give up. He rushed forward to Albert, regardless of the patients around Lindy asking him to stop and staring at him. He pushed Albert into the ward's toilet and slammed the door. Lots of noises and bangs could be heard at the other side of the door. Lindy rushed out of bed and tried her best to open the door.

"Ben! Albert! Stop it! Come out! Stop it!!! Stop..." Lindy was gasping for air, she couldn't breathe anymore. The other patients alerted the nurses and rushed Lindy into the emergency room. Ben and Albert were still fighting in the toilet till one of the nurses unlocked the toilet door with a master key and ordered them to stop. Several male helpers were needed to stop the brutal fight among the two enraged men. Bruises and cuts were all over their body. However, Albert was definitely more injured than Ben, no one could beat an angry person.

---

"Clear!" the doctor ordered, as he tried to save Lindy. Her heartbeat decreased and gradually came to a stop. She had a serious asthma attack again.

"Clear!" the doctor ordered, once again. The efforts to save Lindy was futile, nothing could bring her heartbeat back. When the doctors broke the news to Albert and Ben, Albert merely scolded vulgarities, but Ben, ran to the garden nearby and cried.

"It's all my fault! It's all my fault! But why? Why must she cheat me again and again? Why must she hurt me so deeply? And now she's gone! Why must all this happen?!" Ben kept scolding himself, punching himself, banging his head with his fists. Ben blamed himself for Lindy's untimely demise. If he had a grip of himself, he wouldn't have fought with Albert and caused Lindy's relapse of asthma.

---

Soon, it was time for Lindy's funeral to take place. Albert didn't turn up at all, only Ben did. Perhaps Albert was just flirting with Lindy, perhaps he was just after Lindy's body. Lindy would be an easy prey; she was sick and needed someone to care for her, other than Ben. Any guy that treated her good or not bad, might have be able to get together with her. Ben saw Lindy's parents, he didn't have any courage to face them, he was indirectly Lindy's murderer. He wore a cap to cover his face and his hair of course, which is bright brown in color, making him easily noticeable.

Ben stood at a corner and waited for everyone to pay their respects to Lindy before moving foward to pay his. He was afraid that someone would tap his shoulder and blame him for Lindy's death. Although it's a fact, he didn't want any finger-pointing to add on to the guilt he was already experiencing. Little does Ben know, Lindy would die any time that day. She was diagnosed with terminal stage of lung cancer other than asthma. Her days were numbered. That was probably one of the reasons why she broke off with Ben. But she didn't want Ben to know the actual reason, she wanted Ben to hate her, instead of missing her so dearly.

A few days after Lindy was steady with Ben, she was broken to the news that she had terminal stage of cancer. She did all those bitchy things towards Ben because she wanted Ben to hate her as much as he could. Although it's known to all around Lindy that she is a flirt, ever since she knew Ben, she knew what was true love and being faithful. Even the scene where Ben saw Albert kissing her, it was all staged up by Lindy, all planned by her. Albert was just someone she knew that would cheat girls' feelings, so she invited him over to her ward and seduced him into kissing her. Overwhelmed by lust, Albert kissed her. Like what she planned, Ben would visit her and see all these. Ben didn't know that when Albert and Lindy were kissing, the latter was actually crying. No one expected all these from Lindy, a flirt, not only known to people around her, she admitted herself too. This secret was to die with Lindy and get buried forever, however...

2008-07-20T19:43:00.001+08:00

Why Love?

Chapter 8

'Jade' replied, "Yeah... Cheer up dude, I need to go for now, see you." Mary heaved a sigh of relief.

Ben replied, "All right, when you're back, nudge me."

Ben walked towards his bedroom's window. He opened the windows and looked out, as some of the rain droplets wet his face. He always enjoyed the feeling of rain droplets splattering on his face, it gives a very cooling feeling, very relaxed. The rain droplets would wash away all his troubles. Every time when he was down, he would like to drench himself in the rain; he very much wanted to stand in the rain right now, but he needed rest since he just fainted a couple of days before.

"How I wished that love was much more simpler. If only love was just something that isn't so complicated and painful," Ben thought to himself. He knew it was childish to think that way. If love was ever so simple, it wouldn't have been called love. If love was ever so simple, there won't be so many people hurt and scarred from relationships, there won't be so many people committing suicide because they fell out of love. Ben knew that love, was never simple, was never that innocent in any point of time or any case. Love can be angelic and devilish, it depends on the two persons involved in it.

Ben suddenly heard a vibration from his phone. He received a text message. It was from Lindy.

Ben, I've just awoke. I heard you tried to save me when I fainted... Thanks for you effort... I heard you fainted too, and was admitted to the hospital. Hope that you're all right. Take care.

Ben's heart melted upon reading the message. He immediately replied her.

I'm fine, Lindy. Hope that you are fine, you have to take care of yourself because you have history of asthma... Don't be too careless next time all right, bring an extra puffer along with you.

That message didn't ended the chat between Ben and Lindy. They messaged each other for the next few hours until finally Lindy went to take a rest. Ben thought that he had a chance, a chance to get Lindy back to his side. But little does he know that actually Lindy treats him nothing more than a friend now. She messaged him because she was merely concerned for a friend and someone who tried to save her. Furthermore, on the other hand, when Lindy said she was going to rest, actually she messaged another guy. His name is Albert. He is Lindy's classmate and has been carrying a torch for Lindy for a very, very long time. Recently he just confessed to Lindy and she told him that he might stand a chance. Ben didn't know about all these, if he knew, he would have been heartbroken and also disappointed.

Ben decided to pay Lindy a visit since she was resting. He took a bus to Singapore General Hospital. He bought a bouquet of flowers and a fruit basket to wish Lindy a speedy recovery. He slowly strolled towards Lindy's ward. When he finally reached the ward, his heartbeat increased, after all, it's going to be quite awkward after the break up. He peeped through the window of the ward's door. He saw a guy hugging Lindy and pecking her lips...

2008-07-19T11:16:00.002+08:00

Why Love?

Chapter 7

"Err... Ben... You take a good rest first, I go after Mary," Jane said, as she took Mary's bag along with her. Suddenly, she heard a thud on the floor. Ben fainted again.

"Mary! Ben fainted again!" Jane screamed as the whole hospital was filled with her ear-piercing screams. Upon hearing, Mary dashed into the hospital ward and slapped Ben continuously. After five slaps, Mary's hand got stopped by a strong force.

"Sister, sorry for saying those harsh words..." Ben mumbled, as he released his grip on Mary's hand.

"Brother, don't say so much, you're very weak now, take a rest," Mary said as she stopped slapping Ben.

"Sister... Are you sure..." Ben said, as his eyes widened.

"I AM WEAK?" Ben suddenly raised his voice, as he tickled Mary till she fell on the floor. Both of them tickled each other and made a lot noise till the nurse stopped them. At least they knew that their brother and sister ties aren't broken so easily. Their friendship won't end because of a girl, because of a quarrel that is so logical. Ben knew that all he did wasn't worth it for Lindy, that kind of girl, but he still, liked Lindy. Little does he know that, he developed feelings for an online person too, Jade, but he never admitted or realized a That night, after he got discharged from hospital, he went home. The first thing that he did was, to switch on the computer.

Ben looked at his contact list. Jade was not online. He thought of messaging Lindy, to ask how is she, but he just remembered that she was still lying on the hospital's bed. And mobile phones in hospitals are supposed to be either turned off or switched to silent mode. He had no choice but to control his temptation to call her up. He looked out of his window, the sky is dark, clouds seemed to be exploding into a heavy thunderstorm soon. Soon, droplets of drizzle tapped on his window as if they wanted to enter his house. Before he knew it, it started to shower. The cold weather made his emotions get the better of him; he cried. He thought of the sweet things Lindy did for him during their first month together. As the time passes, her sweet-for-nothings became rants and whines, and finally caused them to quarrel. Not only did Lindy demand luxurious items, but also Ben to accompany her even when he was really busy. During the three months together with Lindy, he didn't sleep well for the last two months of their relationship. He suffered, and no one could understand how much pain he went through, even though it was just a mere two months.

---

Mary finally reached home, she went to take a bath because she was caught in the rain. Mary dried her hair and turned on the computer. She logged in on her laptop her own personal account and her desktop, Jade.

---

Ben heard the music which is assigned to Jade's nick, My Valentine. He immediately rushed to his computer and started a conversation with Jade.

The moment Mary logged in her msn, she heard the alert for a new started conversation. She didn't look at the msn nickname to know it was Ben. Although she enjoyed chatting with Ben over msn most of the time, at the same time she was disappointed that Ben would chat with 'Jade' more often than Mary.

Ben typed, "Jade... I'm feeling very miserable, I really love Lindy a lot..."

'Jade' typed, "Ben, I thought you said you love me a lot too? LOL"

Ben replied, "Haha, that made my day. But honestly, I can't give up on Lindy, I was really heartbroken when I saw her faint."

'Jade' replied, "Yeah, it might have been a pretty serious asthma attack..." The moment Mary hit enter, she was stunned. 'Jade' shouldn't know anything about how and why Lindy fainted.

Ben replied, "Huh? Jade? How did you know she fainted because of a serious asthma attack?"

'Jade' didn't know how to reply, she gave herself away. But for a moment, her hands typed, "Oh I saw the news, it's on news, don't you know?" Mary really hoped that it was on news, to save herself.

Ben replied, "Oh yeah, think it might be on news, since she fainted in my school,"

'Jade' replied, "Yeah... Cheer up dude, I need to go for now, see you." Mary heaved a sigh of relief.

2008-07-18T14:17:00.002+08:00

Why Love?

Chapter 6

"Sister... You won't understand..." before Ben could finish what he was saying, he fell into Mary's arms, she was shocked. Ben fainted.

---

"Brother! Brother! Ben! Ben!" Ben heard two voices but he couldn't open his eyes, his eye lids were like tonnes of weight. Finally he slowly lifted his eye lids, as he saw Mary and Jane staring at him as they keep calling him.

"H.. Huh? Where am I?" Ben asked as he scratched his head.

"Brother, you're in hospital lah. You fainted in the bus, how weak!" Mary joked, as she laughed. She patted Ben's shoulder hardly as she tried to force Ben to be fully conscious.

"Ouch! Sister, I'm a patient, stop hitting me like that! And I'm not weak okay, I didn't sleep well yesterday," Ben said, as he rubbed his shoulder in pain.

"Huh? I thought you went to sleep after msn?" Mary asked, concerned.

"Msn? How you know I was in msn, sister?" Ben asked, shocked.

"Ohhh... I guessed, and it was a great guess right? Mary stuttered as she rephrased her sentence.

"Yeah... I talked to Jade... That's why I talked to you about her just now mah," Ben said, as he was still in deep thoughts.

"Just now? It's tomorrow already lah brother. Look at the date now, you slept for one entire day, what a sloth you are," Mary shot back, trying to change the topic.

"Wah sister, mouth don't so evil please. I know I'm lazy... But I have my reasons for not sleeping yesterday..." Ben said, as he lowered his head.

"What is it? Don't tell me because of Lindy, I had enough of that girl," Mary said, with her tone very harsh.

"Sister, you can say about me, but please don't say about Lindy, I won't forgive you if you say anything bad about her," Ben warned.

"Fine. Don't forgive me then. Lindy's a bitch, she's a flirt, she's toying with your feelings, and you can't tell? Now she's lying on the hospital bed like a log, serves her right! That's her retribution for doing so much hurt to you!" Mary shouted. All the other patients in the same room as Ben started at her.

"Mary Tay Mei Ling, you say some more, brother and sister also bo liao," Ben shouted as he came out of his bed.

"People, this is a hospital, lower your volume please, other patients need to rest," a nurse ordered them. Before Ben could say anything else, Mary stormed out of the hospital ward.

"Err... Ben... You take a good rest first, I go after Mary," Jane said, as she took Mary's bag along with her. Suddenly, she heard a thud on the floor. Ben fainted again.

2008-07-17T08:29:00.003+08:00

Why Love?

Chapter 5

"Lindy... Lindy... Why did you faint?" Ben mumbled to himself as he ran and ran.

---

Ben arrived at the scene where Lindy fainted, all her friends were surrounding her and some of the polytechnic's students are also around. One of her friends were outside of the crowd, trying to call the ambulance, but her phone wasn't working. Ben passed Lindy's friend his phone without thinking and rushed into the crowd.

"Here take this, call the ambulance, quick!" Ben said, as he made his way to Lindy, cutting his way through the crowd. Ben hugged Lindy in his arms and kept chanting, no one could make out what he chanted, only seeing his lips constantly moving.

"Lindy... Lindy... You have to hang on, the ambulance is coming,"

"Lindy has an asthma attack, and her puffer is spoiled, try doing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?" One of Lindy's friend informed Ben. He didn't cared that much and laid Lindy on the ground, about to perform resuscitation. However, at this moment, the ambulance arrived and Lindy was carried on board the ambulance. Ben followed up but was stopped by Lindy's best friend, she told Ben that she was carrying Lindy's belongings. There was nothing Ben could do, since he's no longer Lindy's boyfriend, so he had to listen to her best friend, Tina.

Ben watched as the ambulance sped off, all he could saw was, the decreasing size of the ambulance in the background, till all he could hear was just the siren of the ambulance. He walked sulkily and worriedly out of the school's gate. Mary and Jane was still at the bus stop waiting for Ben, they looked at him shocked, and knew that it wasn't a good time to ask Ben what happened, if he knew the person who fainted.

"Err... err... Ben... Ready to leave now?" Jane asked, as she stuttered, she couldn't think of anything else that she could say.

Ben didn't reply for a whole minute, he was still deep in thoughts, he still couldn't recover from the fact that Lindy fainted in his school. He still couldn't accept it that he was no longer Lindy's boyfriend, and he couldn't accompany Lindy as she tried her best to survive through the asthma attack. It had to be serious since she fainted, her life was in serious danger.

"All right... The bus is here," Ben suddenly replied, as the bus stopped in front of them.

Mary tried her best not to look at Ben, he was just sitting in beside her. He was facing the floor, like as if his face was attracted to the ground. Mary couldn't control herself and looked at Ben. He was shivering, but the bus' temperature wasn't low at all, if Mary didn't feel cold, there was no reason for Ben to be shivering from cold. Ben had very high tolerance against low temperatures. She looked at the floor, wet spots of water. Ben was crying, and shivering from the sadness that he had to bear.

"Brother, come on, you're a guy, why are you..." Mary stopped for a second.

"Crying in the bus?" Mary whispered to Ben into his ears.

"Sister... You don't know how my heart fell when I saw Lindy fainted on the ground. The cheerful and lively girl, fell to the ground because of her asthma attack. She fainted! When I hugged her, I could feel the coldness filling her body, it was as if I was hugging an ice cube... Hopefully she pulls through..." Ben said, as he tried to hide his tears.

"And sister, I'm not crying, I'm just feeling very cold," Ben said, as he raised his head. But his eyes were reddened, very obvious that he cried, but Mary knew that guys need their pride and 'face', so she didn't expose him.

"All right brother, but honestly, just forget Lindy, she kinda toyed with your feelings. She's not a good girl," Mary explained. She didn't like Lindy at all, very boastful and proud of her appearance, so what if she was pretty, she's ugly on the inside.

"Sister... You won't understand..." before Ben could finish what he was saying, he fell into Mary's arms, she was shocked. Ben fainted.

Were there times when you felt like giving up everything? Giving up the very thing that you've been always holding on to, always persevering. Putting all your energy into hanging on there, telling yourself that nothing is impossible. Obstacles prevent your progress and efforts, but you try your very best to overcome them, to pass them. As long as there is a small ray of hope, you would just hope that that ray of hope can save you from the peril you're in. But there are times when you're really very tired of everything, tired of holding on. You feel like giving up, but at the same time, feel like persevering on, very indecisive, not knowing which move to make. Ever had this feeling?

~~~

Will start updating personal posts tomorrow! Kinda bored, so anything after "---" is still part of the chapter, but anything after "~~~" is my personal post! So don't be shocked why my story suddenly went out of point =x.

2008-07-16T13:49:00.002+08:00

Why Love?

Chapter 4

At the instance Ben turned off his computer, Mary turned off hers too. Mary logged off MSN messenger, and her msn nick being, "Jade".

Mary stretched her back, as she yawned. Never one day she would sleep earlier than 0100 or 0200 hours, she would log in MSN. She had two accounts, one being her personal one, the other, Jade.

---

"Sister, thanks for yesterday ah! Did I say anything weird yesterday?" Ben asked. Mary remembered that Ben said "Like who? You? Haha,". Her heart raced, and her whole body seems to be very warm.

"Err... N... No lah. Don't have. What could you have possibly said when you're so dead drunk? Brother, you're such a lousy drinker man!" Mary said, as she patted Ben's back, trying to hide her embarrassment.

"Oh okay, by the way, I think the Jade I always talked to you about? I think she's pretty de loh!" Ben said, as he scratched his head, blushing a little.

"Huh? Why would you say that?" Mary asked very curiously.

"Which chio bu will admit she is pretty? I mean come on, she keep saying don't want to meet me because she's ugly and all, but I don't think so loh!" Ben said confidently.

"Who said so? I admit I am chio now, there," Mary said, as she punched Ben in the chest.

"Ouch! Okay okay, chio bu sister! Let's go for our break," Ben said, as he rubbed his chest, trying to recover from Mary's punch.

---

It's a Monday, lessons ended at 1345 for the Mary and Ben, their classes are both Design classes, and the time table is quite similar, except for Friday. Mary's class would end half an hour earlier than Ben's on Fridays, but every Friday, she would still wait for her brother, and they would take bus home together, every single day. Pretty much like real brother and sister, or couple. Mary don't usually go home with Jane too, only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Their time table is very much different.

Mary and Ben strolled out of the school gate and towards the bus stop which is about a hundred meters away. As usual, they would crap about school stuff, and probably gossip about some people around in school. And today, is the open house for Secondary Four students, Ben wanted to leave early, so as not to see Lindy, if she was going to the open house.

"Sister, today Jane not going home with us right?" Ben asked.

"Eh brother, don't think so. We can actually wait for her for half an hour, but today her teacher is keeping them back for extra lectures. Dun think she will come out any time now..." As soon as Mary finished her sentence, she heard a voice from afar.

"Mary! Wait for me!" Jane shouted, as she ran out of the school gate.

"Jane? I thought you have extra lectures today?" Mary asked, quite shocked.

"Yeah... But someone fainted in school, so lessons ended early..." Jane said, as she tried to catch her breath and talk at the same time.

"Huh? Who fainted?" Ben asked, puzzled.

"Err... Think a girl called Lindy... She..." Jane was interrupted, and Ben rushed back into the Polytechnic. Mary and Jane looked as his shadows disappeared into the school.

"Lindy... Lindy... Why did you faint?" Ben mumbled to himself as he ran and ran.

2008-07-15T08:30:00.002+08:00

Why Love?

Chapter 3

Mary laid on her bed, as she thought of the skirt that Jane and her saw earlier on. She really wanted that skirt, reason being, it wasn't her first time seeing it through a glass screen, but it costs almost a hundred dollars, which is way off her budget. She wouldn't be able to save shopping money because of the other irresistible clothes that they would come across. Her thoughts were interrupted by a message tone from her phone. She opened the message, it was from Ben.

---

"Sister... I've been ditched by Lindy liao. Sian. Very sad now, can meet out now? Or do you have lessons tomorrow?"

Mary looked at her mobile phone clock, 1043 hours. One more hour plus till midnight, she have school tomorrow, but still, she agreed.

"Brother, meet at my house void deck, when you've reached, text me."

---

"Sister, I don't know what went wrong this time. Do all girls really go for money only?" Ben asked, as he downed his can of beer.

"Brother, girls around your age, are mostly flirts. How you expect to get a decent girlfriend? And you go for those xiao mei mei, but you don't know how to handle them, that's why you got ditched. Try to look around you... Maybe you can find someone who likes you?" Mary said, as she patted Ben's back hard. Ben's back twitched from the hard pats from Mary, but he was numb from pain because of the hurt inflicted on him emotionally by his girlfriend, or rather, no long his girlfriend, Lindy. She's quite a pretty girl, 15 years old, in the express stream, but her family isn't that well off. She frequently asks Ben for gifts, especially luxurious items like jewellery which Ben can't afford all the time. The main reason for Lindy to ditch Ben was that he refused to give her a bracelet from SK Jewelery, because it costs almost SGD200! It's really hard to satisfy young girls' needs nowadays.

"Like who? You? Haha," Ben said, as he hiccuped.

"Huh? Brother, I... I... I think you're drunk," Mary stuttered as her heart started to race.

"Sister, I'm definitely sober, don't worry about... me..." Ben said as he stood up, but swayed around. He drank almost a dozen cans of beer now, and he's not a good drinker, no surprise he got drunk.

"I'll send you home, it's 1am already!" Mary said, as she used all her might to drag Ben across 4 blocks away, and up to his unit.

---

Mary pushed Ben onto the bed, because she's exhausted from all the dragging. Ben just laid on the bed like a log and mumbled lots of words.

"Lindy... Lindy... No... Jade... Jade... Who are you... Why don't you show yourself..." Mary could make out what Ben said. She took a wet towel and put over Ben's forehead, and tucked him under the blanket to sleep. Suddenly, Ben sprung out of bed.

"Sister, see you, I think I not going to sleep yet, going to go online for a while first... Feeling better now," Ben said, as he swayed slightly.

"Wow, that's fast, all right brother, have a good rest. See you," Mary said, as she went home.

Ben switched on his computer and signed in to MSN messenger. Jade's online! Jade is Ben's online friend, very mysterious but is a great listener other than Mary. If his sister wasn't available, he would always turn to Jade. Somehow, he developed some feelings for her, but she never wanted to show up, she said that she's very ugly and fat, but Ben didn't mind, he just wanted a girl that he can love. Not desperate, but he just want to settle down with only one girlfriend.

Ben started a conversation with Jade and type, "Jade, I've been ditched again... Lindy hurt my heart." Jade didn't reply, till about 15 minutes later. "Oh hi Ben, I'm sorry, was outside for a while. Back now. Cheer up, try feeling around you, there might be someone that likes you..." Ben saw Jade's reply, it seemed very familiar, but he wasn't sober enough to remember, and didn't bother anyway. "Jade, can we meet? I really want to see you, I don't believe you're fat and ugly, even so, I won't mind, friends won't mind right?" Jade didn't reply for a minute, and her reply came, which disappointed Ben. "I'm sorry Ben, my parents are very strict... We can always talk online. I'm really very fat and ugly, you would run away when you see me... Talk another time, think you need some rest..." Ben was puzzled, how she knew that he was tired? Usually they would chat till the wee hours, but he didn't want to chat much, at least for that day, since he was drunk. "All right, Jade. See you online tomorrow."

---

At the instance Ben turned off his computer, Mary turned off hers too. Mary logged off MSN messenger, and her msn nick being, "Jade".

...to be continued.

2008-07-14T08:00:00.002+08:00

Why Love?

Chapter 2

The story begins...

"Hey Mary! Look! This skirt is so nice lah!" Jane exclaimed as one of her hands pointed to the skirt from the glass screen, and the other hand on her mouth. Mary walked over and looked. It was just another ordinary mini skirt, but Mary looked up, Gucci. It was her favorite brand, but she remembered that she have no more money to buy it, they just spent their money on bags and shirts from Bugis Street. They had no choice, but to leave the shopping center and get ready to go home.

"Mary, why do you look so glum?" Jane asked, concerned.

"Nothing, don't worry, it's not about the skirt," Mary replied, as she closed her eyes to rest for a while, it's going to be a long ride, all the way to tampines.

"There! You've gave yourself away! Anyway, if you want the skirt, you can always get a guy to buy it for you!" Jane joked.

"Oh come on, you know I hate asking favors from guys? They're skunks, they get you a gift, and they expect you to be their girlfriend. No way I'm asking a favor from a guy, NEVER," Mary said, as her tone became rough. She never liked the idea of asking favors from anyone, especially guys. She had a bad experience after getting a gift from a guy, something that would make her never trust a guy again, well, maybe her brother, Ben. But other guys other than Ben and her family members, she wouldn't let her guard down. As she closed her eyes, the experience comes back to her mind...

---

"Here you go, Mary! You have been eying this bag for a very, very long time! I noticed it, so here's your gift," Joe said, as he handed a bag from Bugis Junction to Mary. Joe was Mary's new classmate in Temasek Polytechnic, it was her first year and she didn't had much friends, only Jane, and Joe. He was a very nice guy, gentlemanly, not bad looking, and most importantly, tall enough for Mary, who is about 169cm.

"Oh thank you! Mary said, as she was too surprised to maintain her hostile nature. I really love i!" Mary said, as she started to carry the bag and made a few poses in front of her phone to see how she looks like with the bag. Suddenly, she could feel something grabbing her waist.

"This bag cost me a fortune, Mary. Don't you think I deserve something in return?" Joe said, as his eyes shrinked and looked very lustful.

"Get your hands off me!" Mary shouted, as she hit Joe's hand off.

Joe didn't cared and this time, he grabbed her bottom. Mary screamed and threw the bag into Joe's face. She didn't look back and kept running away from Joe, at the same time, cried. She didn't expect such a nice guy would be like that, she thought Joe was a guy that she could count on. In the future she might want to give him a chance or give themselves a chance, but to her horror, even a "prince charming" in her eyes, became a lustful wolf. She was utterly disappointed, and lost faith in most guys after then.

---

"Hey Mary, wake up! We've reached our stop," Jane said, as she shook Mary up and at the same time waved to her face to see if she's day-dreaming. They alighted the bus as some lustful eyes stared at them, especially at Mary. They noticed it all the time, but they're used to it, and were already immune to these lustful men. Mary took the lift up her block, as she waved goodbye to Jane, who lived just a block away.

Mary laid on her bed, as she thought of the skirt that Jane and her saw earlier on. She really wanted that skirt, reason being, it wasn't her first time seeing it through a glass screen, but it costs almost a hundred dollars, which is way off her budget. She wouldn't be able to save shopping money because of the other irresistible clothes that they would come across. Her thoughts were interrupted by a message tone from her phone. She opened the message, it was from Ben.

Have you ever felt that acting was actually part of our lives? Everyday, even though deep down in our hearts we don't like going to school or work, we have to act as if we're very enthusiastic about it. Everyday we have to show the teachers or our bosses that we're interested in everything that they say because if we don't, the teachers will think bad about us, although most students nowadays would defy teachers. Our bosses too, would want us to be interested, but who will be interested in going through a cycle day after day? Especially those who work in shops, as cashiers, salesmen/salesgirls, we have to put up a smile everyday , just because it's needed in our job. I'm very sure if we have a choice, we wouldn't want to act as if we're enthusiastic towards all these. So do you notice it? Everyone around you, are you putting up an act too?

2008-07-13T20:40:00.002+08:00

Why Love?

Chapter 1

Preface

Mary. Pretty nice name? But she wasn't much of a wanted guest in any occasions. She wasn't as friendly as she looks, not as nice as she looks. She is a very pretty 19 year old girl, a lot guys would want look at, but never would want to approach. She was a very uncouth girl, who spews vulgarities almost in every sentence she speaks, even with her parents. However, she have a best friend who can put up with her temper and shops with her often. They would frequent Bugis Street, Orchard Road, and almost every single shopping center which provides good clothes. Many would say, the both of them are the pretty birds of Temasek Polytechnic, but only Mary's best friend, Jane, would be a more approachable girl. Even though Jane get most of the attention from their friends, Mary was never jealous, because she too have a good brother, Ben. Not blood-related brother, just that they are pretty close, but still, Mary treats Ben equally rough all the time. Sometimes she would be his love adviser, whenever he needs a listening ear, or whenever he needs advice. Although Ben treats Mary nothing more than a sister, Mary have been carrying a torch for him, for a long long time, 6 years? Ever since secondary one.

VeXaLL: This story has a twist, as to whether it has a sad or happy ending, read on to find out. Never be too sure till the end of the story. Enjoy. I will start updating the chapters tomorrow, above is just a short synopsis.

2008-07-13T10:03:00.003+08:00

Secondary School Sweetheart

Chapter 16 (Finale)

"Karen, I love you," Karen heard a voice from behind, she turned. It was Ken.

---

At the sight of Ken, Karen wanted to head forward and run away from him. However, a very strong force stopped her from running away, she just sat on the swing. Ken, with his bandages, sat on the swing too. At least the number of bandages decreased, he was like a mummy in the hospital, but now only his head and limbs had bandages.

"Karen, what would you want me to do or show to you, to prove that it's fate that we're to be together?" Ken asked.

"If you would go up to Jasmine and slap her for me. I really hate that bitch!" Karen said, as her gestures show that she indeed detest Jasmine a lot. She hurt not only Karen herself, but also Ken, which made her detest her more. She really wanted to slap Jasmine herself, but she didn't have a chance. Actually she didn't even dared to slap Jasmine, there might be a fight after the tight slap. Karen was just kidding with Ken about to slap Jasmine part, but Ken seemed to take it seriously.

"All right, I won't slap her, but I will give her a good scolding," Ken said, as he limped and hailed a cab. Karen gave chase, and hugged Ken from behind.

"No, don't go, don't leave me. As long as you're by my side, I don't really care what others think of us, and what others did to us in the past. Stay by my side, please," Karen pleaded Ken.

"But there must be something to prove that we're fated right... Is there anything?" Ken asked, as he tried to scratch his head with his bandaged arm.

"If you could bring the tables with my drawings back, I would believe that it's fate," Karen said, as she knew that it would be the impossible.

"Huh, anything other than that? Let's take a trip to the school first? I really want to see our school once again," Ken said, as he limped to hail a cab once more.

"Nothing other than that can convince me that we're fated... But I still love you. Don't hail a cab, I'll drive," Karen said, as she pointed her thumb towards her chest.

Karen slowly drove to their secondary school. Her heart seems to beat pretty fast. She didn't know what is Ken up to, why would they want to go their secondary school with all the new tables and chairs? There isn't anything that could strike their childhood memories. They pulled over at the gate of the school. Renovations were going on too, Ken came out of the car and limped into the school. Karen had no choice and followed him. To Karen's surprise, Ken didn't went towards their classroom, instead he walked a new path, which she never walked before. They arrived at a room, Alumni Room. They walked in, the room was rather empty, but quite spacious. Quite obvious that it's still under renovation.

"Karen, look," Ken said, as he pointed towards the corner of the room. Karen was shocked, she ran over to where Ken pointed. It was the two tables that contained her drawings of confession. She looked at the tables, as her tears flowed. This time wasn't because she was sad, she was too elated, too happy for words, and she shed her tears of joy. She immediately rushed into Ken's arms and hugged him, also kissing his cheek. They were really fated for each other.

---

5 years had passed, Karen was driving, until she stopped.

"Hey dodo dear! I really miss you!" Karen said, as she hugged Ken. She rubbed his shaved head, and smiled at him. She was greeted back by a kiss. Ken finally finished his national service, and they could get married.

---

Sometimes life is just so unpredictable. You will never know what is waiting for you tomorrow. Some people would pessimistically say that, who knows if we could live till tomorrow? Sounds familiar? Many people say this, although it's true, but if we keep thinking this way, we would end up doing nothing fruitful, nothing that you can safely tell yourself that you've never let yourself down.

VeXaLL: New story coming up tonight. Hope you all like the ending.

2008-07-12T04:40:00.002+08:00

Secondary School Sweetheart

Chapter 15

"What? Doctor you got to save him!" Karen shouted, as she was calmed down by the nurse and ushered in the ward.

---

Karen entered the ward, all she could see was just tubes and bandages all around Ken. She broke down. Ken is in such a pitiful state, he didn't deserve this. She held the photos in her hand, as she grabbed Ken's hand tightly. She didn't want all these to happen. She don't want to lose Ken. She have a lot questions for him, she wants to know how he got the pictures of the two tables. She wanted know if he would want to be with her, she wanted to know if he likes her. Her tears flowed down like rain drops, each drop drenched the bandage on Ken's hand. She cried and cried, until she fell asleep.

---

"Karen, take care of yourself... I have to leave now..." Karen heard a voice. She didn't know where it came from, but it was familiar, it sounded like Ken's voice.

"Karen, maybe we're not meant to be... I'm sorry..." Ken said, as he appeared from the thick mists.

"No, Ken! Don't leave me! No!!!" Karen shouted as she awoke from her dream.

She sprung out of the chair to realize that the bed is empty. She looked up, she saw a figure near the curtains. It was Ken. Is this a dream? Is she still dreaming or did Ken stood up?

"Karen, you woke up..." Ken said, as he turned around to face Karen. Her tears fell. Ken is all right, he have passed the ordeal, he survived the accident. Although he still had bandages all over him, the tubes meant for emergency are taken out. She pinched herself to confirm that it's not a dream, and true enough, Ken really woke up. Ken laughed at how Karen stupidly pinched herself. Karen rushed towards Ken and hugged him real tight.

"Karen, you're suffocating me," Ken said, as he laughed.

"I'm sorry, dodo bird. I'm just so glad that you're fine! Did you take the pictures of the tables? How did you know that the tables are still there? Wait... Why didn't you bring back the tables to your house!?" Karen said, as her tears dried up, and she started to revert to her old self.

"I... I..." Ken stuttered, he was shocked at the immediate change of Karen's mood.

"Huh? You didn't took it home? " Karen asked, as her tone sounded very hostile.

"Yep... Why would I bring them home? Does it really mean that much?" Ken said, as he tried to scratch his head with his bandaged palm.

"Huh?! What did you say! Fine! Then save these pictures for YOURSELF!" Karen said, as she tossed the pictures onto Ken. She rushed out of the hospital ward, and headed home. Her tears fell again. Not only did Ken not bring the tables back which meant to her very much, he took pictures of it and said "Does it really mean that much?" to her. She was very, very sad. She thought that it might be fate that they couldn't be together, fate was making a fool out of Karen. She couldn't thought of anything else that she could do.

---

Karen decided to give up on Ken. She thinks that it's fate and all that they couldn't be together. Even the table that signalizes her love for him is gone, in the recycling center. She went to the playground where they used to play in. She sat on the swing, looked at the swing beside hers. It's empty. It used to have Ken sitting on it, swinging with her. The chains were all rusty and whenever they swung it, there would a screeching sound of the metal chains. But they still enjoyed each other's company. She really hoped that Ken could sit beside her and play the swing with her once again. She lowered her head and cried on the swing. The strong winds blowing across her cheeks, throwing her hair backwards, in the direction of the wind.

"Karen, I love you," Karen heard a voice from behind, she turned. It was Ken.

2008-07-11T10:41:00.002+08:00

Secondary School Sweetheart

Chapter 14

"But it's all too late. Too late!" Karen shouted as she rushed out of his room and out of his house.

"No Karen! Come back!" Ken shouted as he gave chase.

---

Ken rushed down the stairs, as Karen took the lift down. But by the time Ken reached the void deck, Karen was no where in sight anymore. Ken searched high and low for Karen, he ran to the coffee shop nearby, the playground they used to frequent when they were in secondary school. He went to Karen's unit, but no one was at home. Not even Karen's auntie. Karen was actually hiding somewhere around Ken's unit, she knew she couldn't outrun Ken, he took part in a few marathons. Karen was peeping from somewhere near Ken's unit, the moment Ken gave up and entered his unit, she went off. She didn't knew where she could go, she didn't want to go home, she boarded a bus, but didn't know where it might arrive at.

Karen looked out at the bus windows, as droplets of rain start to splatter. Soon, she noticed a very familiar place. It was her secondary school. She alighted from the bus, and walked in the drizzle. She looked up into the sky as the tiny rain drops start to cleanse her face of tear marks. She walked into the school, not knowing what is her objective, maybe to find the table that she drew on? Her legs brought her to the classroom, 3B. Jasmine's class is beside theirs, 3F. She went over to Ken's table, felt the carved out drawings on his table. It was still as clear as ever, they didn't clear the tables. But Karen just remembered, their school would clear the tables every 8 years. And unfortunately, this is this table's eighth year in the school. In days, this table would be removed and probably treated as trash, it might be recycled.

Karen went over to her table, her table, too, have the drawing. She drew it both on her table and Ken's. If anyone would notice that the drawings are on both Ken's and Karen's, they would have known that Karen have been liking Ken all the long. Karen decided to take the two tables home before the school would clear it, besides, it's the holidays now. Even if two tables were missing from the classroom, no one would ever suspect anything. She decided to bring a foldable trolley and borrow her auntie's car to bring those two tables home. Besides, they're still in pretty good condition. The students really took care of the tables very well, considering that there are a lot of rough guys in her school, well, at least in the past.

---

"Auntie Betty! I'll borrow your car for a couple of hours all right?" Karen asked her auntie. The latter nodded her head as a signal of acknowledgement and Karen drove off to her secondary school to collect the tables. When she was outside the school, she saw a huge truck. To her horror, it's the rubbish truck. The school is clearing all the tables and chairs already. She sighed, as she rushed into the school, hoping that her classroom is still untouched. As she ran up the stairs towards the classroom, she kept praying. Her hopes were all dashed when she saw two men coming out of the classroom after 3F. This meant that the tables in her class were already changed. She went into the classroom just to realize that all the tables are new. None of them had her drawings of her confession of love to Ken. She was devastated. Her tears flowed down uncontrollably.

Karen drove miserably as her tears continued to flow, she thought that it is fate that even the tables that contained her confession to Ken are lost, forever. They're going to get recycled into waste metal and plastic, all the drawings can't be retrieved back anymore. Her drawings of a guy and a girl holding hands, standing in front of the beach watching the sunset. And their initials above the two blissful couples. All was gone, lost, forever. Soon, Karen reached her block's car park, she lowered her head onto the steering wheel and cried her heart out. Just at this moment, she heard a knock on the windscreen, it was Ken. The only thing that came to her mind was to sped off, she didn't know how to face Ken.

Ken rode on his friend's bike, he borrowed his bike as he knew that walking around or taking cab around wouldn't be a good idea. Luckily he have a driving license for bikes. Ken chased Karen all the way along the highway, until...

Karen heard a loud crash behind her car, she immediately hit the brakes and turned behind. What she saw make her dash across the safety zone along the highway and to the crashed bike along the railings. It was Ken's bike. Ken's head bled profusely and her limbs were injured badly. Karen dialed for the ambulance as she shouted for help, no one could went to their rescue, it was the highway, how could anyone stop and help them? In a few minutes, the ambulance arrived. Karen held tightly to Ken's hands as the temperature of his hands decreased gradually. His heartbeat, getting weaker.

The doctor had to do an emergency operation on Ken, if not his life would be in danger. Karen sat outside the operation theater as she sobbed and sobbed. It was her fault for everything, she blamed herself. She shouldn't have keep running away from Ken. The police passed Ken's belongings that were found on the bike to Karen. There were two photos, she took a closer look at the photos. It was the two tables in the secondary school, the two tables that contained Karen's confession to Ken. The emergency light on the theater room went off, and the doors opened. A doctor and nurse emerged from the doors of the theater and went over to Karen.

"Are you the family of Ken?" the doctor asked Karen.

"I'm his good friend, how's his condition?" Karen asked as she dried her tears with a tissue but no amount of tissue seemed to be enough to contain her tears.

"His life is still in danger, he might not live till tomorrow morning, whether he can live or not, it's up to his will power. Go in and see him, it might be your last chance seeing him," the doctor broke the bad news to Karen.

"What? Doctor you got to save him!" Karen shouted, as she was calmed down by the nurse and ushered in the ward.

Learn to treat the things before you as the best things on earth instead of trying all your life to find the best things. We failed to realize that the best thing is actually right before us, just that we didn't acknowledged its existence. We are greedy creatures, constantly finding better and the best things that we desired. But we will only know what is bliss when we learn to accept that the things before us are actually, the best on earth. So is there something you've been finding all this while? It might be just right in front of you. The person that you will spend your life with, might just very well be your best friend, or the person in front of you. Learn to acknowledge, not to search for better.

2008-07-10T12:13:00.002+08:00

Secondary School Sweetheart

Chapter 13

Karen looked at her phone, as her message tone rang, and the phone vibrated in her icy cold hands.

Okay, we'll meet at my house at 1pm. Have a good sleep, do not think too much. Whatever happens, I will still be there for you as a brother. Anything else, we'll talk when we meet. Give me some time to collect my thoughts.

Karen's tears flowed down her smooth complexion as she held the phone towards her arms as she smiled. She really needed Ken. She didn't want to forget Ken anymore, she wanted to be with Ken. She knew that she shouldn't wait anymore to express her feelings to Ken. She hoped that Ken could be right by her side now, she needed a shoulder to lean on. Not just anyone's, she wanted Ken's.

---

Ken thought. Did he do the right thing? Did he really wanted to comfort Karen, and maybe be with her? Can he really overcome his phobia over relationships, his fear of seeing his girlfriend in the arms of another guy. Lots of thoughts ran through his brain, ocean of pessimistic thoughts overwhelmed him. He decided to tell Karen that he will be there for her, but as a brother, never as a boyfriend. Ken is very scared of getting hurt so deeply once again, and Karen is good-looking, quite pretty, she would have more suitors. If she raised her hands, she would get a whole line of guys wanting to woo her. He really feared what would tear his heart apart once more, he wouldn't be able to withstand it again. He don't want to have that feeling again, history cannot repeat itself in his life.

---

Karen knocked on Ken's house main door as her heart raced in her chest. She could feel her heart beating every single beat rapidly. Ken opened the door for Karen as he looked at Karen. Her eyes, seem to tell Ken that she is in dire need of his comfort. The moment Karen entered the house, she rushed into Ken's arms and hugged him tight. Ken hugged her back as he patted her back. Karen tried to kiss Ken, but was avoided. Ken walked towards his room and Karen followed.

"Karen, I don't want to get into a relationship," Ken said, as he lowered his head.

"Why? What's wrong? I really like you, I'm sure you got feelings for me too," Karen said, as her voice softened. She was about to break into tears.

"Karen, I don't deny my feelings for you. But..." Ken was interrupted by Karen.

"But why Ken?" Karen said.

"But I have a phobia. It's my problem, Karen. I can't bring myself to enter a relationship any time now, or maybe even in the future. I fear of getting hurt once more. I'm really sorry Karen," Ken apologized, as he covered his face with his two hands and bent towards his knees.

"I understand that you got hurt by Jasmine before, but it's so long already! Can't you forget it? Give ourselves a chance, or am I not attractive enough?" Karen said. She wasn't like this before. She had probably lost control of herself because she was so deeply hurt by Joe, and her regrets during the secondary school days. She really regretted not telling Ken that it was her, who did the drawings on the table, she thought that writing love letters on his table would be fun. But she realized that she really liked Ken a lot, and shouldn't have made it seem like it was Jasmine who wrote it. No one knew and cared about the drawing on the table, after Ken and Jasmine got together and broke off. Because that day, was the day before the end of year holidays. Karen should have just told Ken that she liked him, but would it work? Jasmine was Ken's crush all the long, even if Karen told Ken about how she feel for him, he might not reciprocate it. But she regretted that she made Ken believe that it was Jasmine who like him. Her wrong move not only hurt herself, most importantly, it hurt Ken. So much that he feared getting into relationships.

"Karen, it's my problem. It's a barrier that I can't overcome. It's a maze I can't get out, it's not your fault. You're very pretty, but I just can't bring myself to be with you. I can always be your brother, always be by your side when you need me, but never a boyfriend," Ken explained, as he couldn't control himself, and too, cried.

"It's my fault, my fault! I drew the love letter on your table, I liked you since secondary school! It's my fault for making you think that Jasmine liked you back! It's my fault for informing you about it! It's my fault for making you so hurt and making you afraid of relationships! I won't forgive myself!!!" Karen shouted.

"Huh?! You have been liking me since secondary school?! If I had known that you were the culprit, I would have been with you..." Ken said to Karen, with his eyes red with tears.

"But it's all too late. Too late!" Karen shouted as she rushed out of his room and out of his house.

"No Karen! Come back!" Ken shouted as he gave chase.

Regrets. It is something that we have to live with for life. Everyone of us have regrets, everyone of us fear to have regrets. But we're unaware that we will regret, until we have finally lost it. When we come to realize about the painful truth that we lost something, we tell ourselves, why didn't we cherish it the other time? Whether or not we accept this fact, it lives with us: We have ample regrets in our lives, but we have no choice but to live with it. All we can do is to hope that the next time round, we won't commit the same mistake. But how many of us would really think of all these? So regrets, will just be part of our lives, it'd all be just a cycle, snowballing more and more regrets. So do you want to regret, or to do some thinking, before it's too late? Prevention is better than cure.

2008-07-10T09:09:00.002+08:00

Secondary School Sweetheart

Chapter 12

Dodo bird... I really like you, can we come out to talk in three days? I have a lot to tell you...

It was from Karen.

---

Should Ken reply her? Or should he give an excuse that he didn't see the message? Or should he say that he's not free three days later? He didn't know what to do. Suddenly, he heard loud claps of thunder, and soon, waves of showers descended from the merciless sky. Bolts of lightning flashed across the black canvas of dark clouds. He stared at the window, as he heard the fast but short beats of the rain droplets on the window he is looking into. This scene, is very familiar to him, but not in a good way, he remembered. It was when Jasmine initiated the 7th break up, in the heavy thunderstorm, under his void deck...

---

"Ken, don't just stand there and stare at blank space, answer me!" Jasmine said, as she tried to catch Ken's attention. Ken didn't know what to do, he was rooted to the ground, he had nothing to say, because his heart is severely damaged by Jasmine. All he could do is to stare at blank space, and wait for the time to painfully pass. But this time, he can't do it anymore, Jasmine is here to tell him straight in his face. Jasmine is here to end everything once and for all, not because she feel that breaking up would be a better choice for the both of them, but to stop the gossips in the school. Jasmine liked another guy, very suave, tall, and most importantly, romantic and gentle to girls. She wanted their relationship to end so that the other guy, Derrick, would woo her without any worries.

"What you expect me to say? I really love you, but now, after umpteen times that I forgave you, you're going to leave me for good. What else can I say? Will you stay by my side? Will you let me hold your hand every time it rains, when your hand is icy cold till the rain stops, when your hand is warm again?" Ken said, as he tried his very best to control the tears that are forcing through his huge eyes.

"I... I..." Jasmine stuttered, as she was lost for words too. Although she didn't think that Ken was romantic, he was a very good guy, but the only problem with him is, Ken isn't the type that would accompany her to shopping most of the time. Ken didn't know to please Jasmine at times, but ultimately, Jasmine didn't like staying with the same boyfriend for a long time.

"Ke... Ken... You're a very good guy, but I'm not a good girl. I've never told any guy this before. No guy could stand me more than 2 months, but I don't want to lie to you. I can step on two, three, and even four boats at once. I don't want to hurt a really good guy like you, I'm sorry Ken. I can't be faithful, I can't be a good girlfriend, because I'm fickle-minded, I am materialistic and at the same time needs a good-looking guy to pamper me frequently. I'm the last girl any guy would want to stay steady with, trust me Ken, you can find a better girl than me. I've hurt you enough already, please let me go," Jasmine explained, and pleaded.

"All right, let's break up, if it will make you happier..." Ken said, as he turned his back on Jasmine and ran back up to stairs home. The steps were very slippery, and while running up, he fell off the stairs. He hurt his knees, elbows and had a small cut at his neck. However, he didn't feel the physical pain, his emotional pain was all over him. His knees were bleeding profusely, long cuts on his elbows, but he just ran and ran up the flight of slippery steps. He climbed a total of 11 floors, as to why he didn't take the lift, it would bring back painful memories as he saw Jasmine hugging another guy in the lift. After that incident, he didn't like taking lifts anymore, no matter how high he had to go, he would still opt for stairs.

---

He looked at his phone, at the message that he received from Karen. At this instance, he receieved another message from Karen.

Please reply as soon as you see this message... I really need you now. At least meet me three days later?

Ken decided to reply.

Okay, we'll meet at my house at 1pm. Have a good sleep, do not think too much. Whatever happens, I will still be there for you as a brother. Anything else, we'll talk when we meet. Give me some time to collect my thoughts.

Karen looked at her phone, as her message tone rang, and the phone vibrated in her icy cold hands.

Ever encounter a dying person? When the whole area, only consists of you and that dying person. You're not sure if you can save him/her, but if you never tried, how would you know? But lots of wild ideas run through your head. What if you fail to save him/her? What if he/she dies in your arms while you're trying to save her? Okay, you decided to leave him/her alone. But what if he/she dies on her own? Or if he/she survives and didn't die, but he/she recognizes you. You will be labeled as a heartless person who didn't save him/her when he/she is in danger, how would the feeling be? Will you get charged for not saving the dying person? Lots of wild imaginations, but why dun you think that, saving a life, would be something very satisfying. Would you be a life savior? Or someone who stands there and watch and wait for someone to save the person?

2008-07-09T11:52:00.002+08:00

Secondary School Sweetheart

Chapter 11

Ken was left on the bench to think about what the old man had said. Fate? Do fate really exist in the real world? Or is it just a make-believe thing? Ken didn't know whether he should trust his own judgement, or let fate decide for him. People said, fate is in our hands. We manipulate fate, never allow fate to manipulate us, but why this old man, ask Ken to let fate decide for him? Maybe because Ken was too indecisive at that point of time. Maybe, Ken should let fate decide for him when he's really at his wits' end. But Ken didn't want to succumb to fate, he wanted to make things happen, not wait for things to happen. It's better to regret doing it, than to not do it, and regret later. Ken flashed back. He thought of the times when Karen and him were in secondary school. The good old times...

---

"Hey dodo bird! Pass the ball!" Karen shouted, as she waved her hands, signaling to Ken to pass the basketball to her so that she can score. Ken threw the basketball, as it bounces off the ground and into Karen's hands. Karen jumped so that she would be able to get a better angle to toss the basketball. According to her basketball experience, she tossed the ball with appropriate strength. The basketball travelled along the rim of the net, and went through. The timer rang and marked the end of the match. Ken's and Karen's team won. Just by that score, they were ahead of the opposing team by 1 point.

"Dodo bird! Hooray!" Karen shouted, as she dashed towards Ken. They hugged each other as a signal of victory. The rest of the team dashed towards them and carried Ken and Karen up. The whole team was screaming and shouting with excitment. They were so elated and satisfied with the results. They have been practising for this tournament and their efforts didn't went down the drain. 1 month of continuous training for 5 days a week, all their hard work, all their blood and sweat, finally they had their triumph. The opposing team mocked at them the last season when they lost to them in the finals. Now, is Ken's and Karen's triumph. Karen was the captain, and Ken being the vice-captain. After that unwanted humilation from the opposing team of Orchid Park Secondary, they were bent on beating them the next tournament coming up. Now, Ken and Karen could go up to the captain of OPS and say, we're the true winners.

---

Ken pulled his sleeve and looked at his watch, 2136hours, it was 9pm already! He didn't realized that he took a whole 2 hours sitting on the bench. He sprung up from the bench and rushed home. He didn't bring his mobile phone and he was sure his mother was very worried about him. He unlocked the door and he saw his mother lying on the floor. She fainted. The house phone receiver still in her hands. He rushed to his mother, his mobile phone in her other palm. He had two missed calls on his mobile phone, and he saw his mobile phone's screen, his mother was going through his contacts and calling every single one of them to find out where he went. He took the receiver from his mother's palm and attempted to call 991. Just when he was about to press dial, his mother gained consciousness.

"Ah Jie ah, where you go? I fainted while trying to call your friends to ask where are you, old liao is like this. Don't need call ambulance, I just need to have a short rest," Ken's mother said as she slowly walked towards the sofa to take a rest.

Ken was shocked that his mother didn't even scold him. She didn't even asked why he went out in such a hurry and without bringing his mobile phone. But he needed that, the kind understanding from his mother. He didn't want to explain anything now, he don't know what to say to anyone, he needed some time to collect his thoughts. He have a scar, a scar which will never heal in his life. The scar that Jasmine left in his heart, would never be healed, or maybe, he haven't met the "angel" that would miraculously heal his scar.

He brewed some relaxing tea for his mother, to calm her nerves. That was the only thing he could do to show his concern now, he couldn't think of anything else. After a short while, his mother fell asleep on the sofa. Ken carried her on his back, and headed for her room. She had been a very good mother to him, always cooking his daily meals, brewed herbal tea whenever he is sick, boiled congee for him when he had a fever, and everything that a great mother would do. Even though he's deprived of fatherly love, his mother made up for every bit of love that he needed from two parents. Ken could even safely say that his mother gave him love, even more than what two parents can give a child. She didn't asked Ken what happened when he was getting all emotional during the secondary school days after the break up with Jasmine. She knew that Ken would approach her when he was ready to say. And true enough, Ken told her all about it, after a mere three days.

"Mum, you've been a great mother to me, as well as a great father, have a good rest. I'll be fine after a few days," Ken whispered to his sleeping mother, although she might not hear it. Ken was sure that she could feel it. Before he left the room, he heard his mother mumbling.

"Ah Jie ah, you have an early night too, good night," Ken's mother mumbled, as she went back to sleep. Ken looked at his mobile phone, "1 new message". He pressed open.

Dodo bird... I really like you, can we come out to talk in three days? I have a lot to tell you...

It was from Karen.

2008-07-08T09:12:00.001+08:00

Secondary School Sweetheart

Chapter 10

"Ke... Ken... What if I tell you, I like you?" Karen asked, as she wiped off her tears.

"Wh... What? Karen, are you trying to trick me again like the other time?" Ken asked, as he smiled, not knowing that actually Karen really liked him.

"No, Ken. I really like you, l-i-k-e, like you!" Karen said, as her tears continued to flow. She hugged Ken tight, really tight, she really regretted not telling him that the person who wrote the drawing in school last time, is actually her.

"Karen, your acting skills are getting really good. Are those tears fake? Did you use eye mo or you applied medicated oil on your eyes to make yourself cry? Even your voice seems so real..." Ken said as he pushed Karen away, his 2 hands hands on her shoulder to support her and at the same time see if she's acting. He realized that Karen was really crying, she really liked him. Ken didn't know what to do, he remembered liking Karen last time during secondary school, but now, he's not really sure. Feelings might have faded.

"Ken, look into my eyes, I'm not lying. Look into my eyes..." Karen said, as she pulled her face nearer to Ken's; she wanted to kiss Ken, and see what was his reaction. Ken immediately stood up and ran into his room.

"Karen, don't be like that... You just sit a while first, I have to take something," Ken said, from inside his room, through his locked room door. He was lost for words, actions. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know if he still liked Karen. But one thing for sure, his heart was racing as fast as when he ran the 4.8km during his national service times.

"Dodo bird! Have army turned you into a gay? Or do you like someone else? Tell me, please," Karen said, as she went out of control, she was wailing and wailing. Luckily Ken's mother went out for a while to talk to her friends.

Karen didn't get her answer, she knew she might have scared Ken off with her tears and confession. She was helpless, she should have just hugged Ken, and didn't say a word. But after telling Ken her feelings, she definitely felt better. She sat and curled on the sofa as she sobbed. She had bottled her feelings for way too long, she really needed to cry it all out.

Ken didn't really wanted to get into a relationship now. Though maybe deep inside him, he likes Karen back too. He had a scar, from the relationship with Jasmine. He didn't want history to repeat itself anymore. But he really felt warmth, and love, when Karen hugged him like that. In the past Ken and Karen would have friendship hugs, like those kind of brotherly embraces, but she never hugged Ken like how she hugged him a few minutes ago. He really felt comfortable. But something, just made him not making it clear to Karen.

---

"Auntie, I think I'll be going first. Ken have something to do, I think I better not disturb him," Ken could hear Karen's voice, she was talking to his mother, and she was about to leave, after 1 hour of crying in his living room. As soon as he heard the sound of the main door opening, he could hear Karen requesting to leave. He didn't know whether what he did was correct, but he needed to time to collect his thoughts.

Ken made his way down to his void deck. He was strolling along the pathway, until he saw this old uncle sitting down on a bench. There weren't any more benches in sight, so he decided to request to share the bench. As soon as he sat down, the uncle turned to him.

"Young man, you seem to be very troubled, you're frowning and your face is no different from a bulldog! I mean I'm just using metaphors, no offense!" the healthy old uncle joked.

For some reason, Ken found this old uncle very close to him or somewhat, but he didn't tell him about his problems. Who would tell a stranger about his problems? But somehow, after some thinking, Ken's mouth just opened and he told the middle-aged stranger about all that happened between Karen and him. He even asked for advice.

"Ah young man, I see. One word, fate. It will help you decide," the old uncle said, as he smiled to Ken. He patted on Ken's back and slowly strolled off, as if he had no worries.

We all laugh, smile, joke around. But do you feel sometimes, you're forcing yourself to laugh, smile or joke? Do laughing, smiling and joking seem just so difficult? You have to hide your feelings within yourself to do those three things and deep down in your heart, you're feeling excruciating pain. But circumstances forced and made you laugh, smile or joke. You want to hide your feelings from people around you, not wanting them to know your true feelings, especially when you're very down in the dumps. I call this, wearing a face mask. It's like wearing an artificial mask, but with careful observations using the five senses would be able to detect that this particular person is actually suppressing his feelings. Have you ever experienced this kind of feeling? One moment you're laughing, smiling and joking, the other moment you're frowning, because the unhappiness in you, affects everything. But no one sees it, no one can tell what you actually feel, only you know, how much pain you're suffering. You only can suffer alone inside yourself, trying your very best to handle the stress that you're facing.

2008-07-06T18:10:00.000+08:00

Secondary School Sweetheart

Chapter 9

Karen sat beside Ken, as he slept on the sofa soundly. Ken's mother helped Karen open the door. Karen didn't want to disturb Ken's afternoon nap. Maybe Ken had a hangover.

"Ken... I... Love... You..." Karen stuttered softly, as she looked at the sleeping Ken. Suddenly, Ken moved.

"Huh? Karen? What did you say?" Ken asked, shocked.

---

"Huh? I said nothing, dodo bird. Have your nap, I'll make myself at home," Karen said, as she sat on the sofa near Ken.

"Oh okay, I think I must be hearing things. I must be hearing my fellow dodo bird crowing," Ken joked. Karen heaved a sign of relief.

Karen relaxed herself on the sofa, as she thought how she is going to tell Ken about her relationship with Joe. Karen knew that she would definitely break down, but she had to tell someone about it. She have to tell someone about it so that she would feel better. And the only person that she can really confide in is actually Ken. No one else could understand how she feels. Only her "brother" as well as her secondary school "sweetheart" could understand.

It was another rainy day as Karen looked out of the window. Luckily she arrived at Ken's house early, if not she might be caught in the rain. She thought of the days when Ken and her would play in the rain. Whenever it rained, they would be soaked to the skin, but somehow, they would not fall sick. Maybe their body got used to the rain. Karen really enjoyed those days when they didn't have much to worry, only their studies. Now, they have to worry about making a living, their parents aren't young anymore, they have to have a stable job and provide for their parents.

---

After 2 hours of waiting for Ken, finally he woke up.

"Karen! Sorry for letting you see me sleep, although I know when I sleep I look very cute, haha!" Ken joked, trying to lighten up the atmosphere. He could sense that something was on Karen's mind, if not she would have pestered Ken to wake up.

"Dodo bird, don't be too buay hiao bai okay. I'm sure any other birds would look cuter than you, this big dodo bird!" Karen shot back, trying to hide her sadness.

"Oh come on, do you know that your nose will grow longer when you lie? By the way, are you sure you're okay? Why come visit me out of a sudden?" Ken shot back, and asked, before Karen could make any retaliation.

"Err... Ken... Nothing can escape your eyes. I broke up with my boyfriend, Joe," Karen stuttered, as she tried to control her emotions.

"First he treated me very poorly, next he comes and beat me! Now, he even brought another girl and tell me to inform his uncle, which is my boss, that we're through. He's really a jerk... I... I..." Karen said, as her voice gets softer and softer until she finally broke down and cried.

Karen couldn't control herself, and threw herself into Ken's arms. Somehow, Ken knew what to do, he hugged Karen tight, as if hugging a brother who is in need of an embrace. But little does he know that Karen wanted him to hug her as if he was hugging his girlfriend.

"And Ken, that... that... that girl is Jasmine! That girl who broke your heart..." Karen said, as she cried non-stop.

"Huh? Jasmine..." Ken didn't have any more to say, as he remembered the hurt he suffered from that girl.

"Sorry dodo bird... I shouldn't have mentioned her name, I'm sorry!" Karen put all the blame on herself, she really felt very hurt, all because of Joe. She thought that being with Joe might help her forget Ken, as well as she thought Joe was a good guy who wouldn't break her heart. Maybe she was wrong, very wrong.

"Now, now, it's okay... I've long forgotten about her, hush hush," Ken said, as he patted Karen's shoulder.

"Ke... Ken... What if I tell you, I like you?" Karen asked, as she wiped off her tears.

Were there times when you felt that everything was unfair to you? Everything you do, would just have a bad outcome, no matter how you tried. The more you try to salvage the situation, the worse the situation becomes. And those unwanted coincidences, just keep occurring to you. You felt that the whole world was against you, nothing could describe how you feel. You even screwed up with your work, friends, and worst of all, your other half. The feeling really sucks, you hope that everything would pass by swiftly, to reduce your pain. But the more you try to pass your time, the slower time passes. Even an hour, will seem like a painful eternity. All you can do is, hope that after all these passes, everything will be back to normal. Will it be back to normal?

2008-07-06T17:05:00.000+08:00

Secondary School Sweetheart

Chapter 8

"Oh I'm sorry," Karen apologized as she grabbed her bag and alighted from the empty bus. No one was left in the bus. The bus was even drove to the parking slot, Karen was on the bus for a really long time. After so many years, she still can't forget her feelings for Ken. Her liking that she had towards Ken must be a very deep one, deep enough for the like to become love.

Karen staggered towards her office, her wounds still hurt, after all she only had one night of rest at Ken's house. But too her, his bed was like a healing bed for her, because of Ken's body scent on the bed. Karen would never forget Ken's body scent, as it was a sign that Ken was around. She was sure Ken would never forget Karen's body scent too, because they always slept in the same room although not on the same bed. Ken could tell that Karen was near him whenever they were to meet in the school days, even now, Ken could tell, if he paid a bit more attention.

"Karen, are you sure you can report for work today? You don't seem too well," Craig, Karen's boss, asked her as he was concerned. Karen's legs were bandaged quite badly from the struggle, although there weren't any blood stains which might make her look more wounded. Her elbows had clear abrasions but she didn't bandage them because they were superficial wounds.

"I'm all right, boss. Thanks for your concern. If I don't report for work today, it'd be one day of leave wasted! I'm still alive and kicking boss, don't worry. I have to save my leaves for outings with my dodo..." Karen paused for a while, she rephrased her sentence.

"Err, I mean, I have to save my leaves for outings with Joe," Karen heaved a sigh of relief. She knew that if she didn't mentioned Joe in front of Craig, the latter would start asking about their relationship. Craig is Joe's uncle, and the former is very concerned about Joe's love life, but little does he know that Joe is treating Karen very badly now.

"Oh okay, hope Joe doesn't bully you! Haha!" Craig joked.

"Well, he won't dare I suppose," Karen said, at the same time hating herself for deceiving both herself and Craig.

As usual, Karen would sit at her office and serve customers who have their mobile phones faulty or spoiled. Unfortunately, she had an unwanted customer, Joe.

"Hey KAREN, would you mind telling my uncle that we're through? Here, I'll introduce you to my new girlfriend, Jasmine." Joe boasted to Karen, as he wrapped his arms around Jasmine's curvy waist.

Karen was shocked, not only did she saw a jerk, but also a bitch. The bitch who hurt her secondary school "sweetheart". She really wanted to give Jasmine a tight slap, but it wouldn't be a wise move, since she was injured, and Joe was around. Not to mention Joe's uncle, Craig, who is also her boss, is present. She swallowed her pride, and nodded her head, as she buried herself in a magazine. Nevertheless, she couldn't hide her tears, the pages of the magazine, the ink, was smudged and smeared by Karen's tears of agony. Her pain, sorrow and hatred, was soaked in the pages of the magazine. No words could describe her anger and agony at that point of time.

"Bye, KAREN. Ex-dear I would say," Joe said smugly, as he turned his back on Karen. Jasmine didn't recognize Karen for sure, if not she would have added fuel to the fire. Karen dragged herself to Craig, and asked for a day's leave. She wanted to find Ken, she had to tell Ken about her sadness, she needed someone there for her, she wasn't sure if Ken would have spare time for her, she just wanted to try. She reluctantly explained to Craig, as she left the office with tears dripping every step as she stormed out of the shop.

Karen dialed Ken's number on her mobile phone, a tired voice answered.

"Yes... Karen? I'm having my afternoon nap..." Ken said, as he yawned over the phone.

"Dodo bird, have your afternoon nap, I'll pop by your house now," Karen said, with her blocked nose, and tried her very best to hide that she's crying.

"All right, give me a call when you reach," Ken replied.

---

Karen sat beside Ken, as he slept on the sofa soundly. Ken's mother helped Karen open the door. Karen didn't want to disturb Ken's afternoon nap. Maybe Ken had a hangover.

"Ken... I... Love... You..." Karen stuttered softly, as she looked at the sleeping Ken. Suddenly, Ken moved.

"Huh? Karen? What did you say?" Ken asked, shocked.

Each day passed, each hour passed, each minute passed, each second passed. What have you done that you yourself can be really proud of? What have you done that people around you can be really proud of? At this point of time, for me, I would say, doing my work. Ever since I've decided to do my work seriously, even at the expense of my sleep, meals and even playing, I really felt good, doing my work. Although at times, I feel that I'm suffocated by homework. But I know, that I'm working so hard, just for that special person in my heart. I want to provide for her, I want to give her a comfortable life. I don't want that special person in my heart, to suffer with me if I were to be poor in the future. Sometimes I would get angry and frustrated over my work, and sometimes affected my attitude towards that person. And sometimes both homework and relationship would make me very tired. Nothing could be able to express my apology. I must work hard. How about you?

VeXaLL: I was quite surprised that there were some people reading my stories, for those who want to tag, please be patient, because currently have a lot of work to do. Will insert tagboard and change blogskin soon. Anything can contact me at almightyvex@msn.com.

2008-07-05T22:50:00.000+08:00

Secondary School Sweet

Chapter 7

"Are you sure it's nothing much? You got really hurt... If there's anything you can te..." Ken was interrupted.

"DODO BIRD! I said it's nothing, will you give me a break?" Karen said, frustrated.

"Okay okay... I was just being concerned for a friend," Ken said, feeling guilty.

Both of them parted ways after having breakfast, as Karen had to report for work. Despite her long relationship with Joe, she still can't forget her feelings for Ken. There were many things that happened during the secondary school days to have caused this. In fact, Karen did something really special, though Ken mistook the person who did the special thing for him. He thought it was someone else whom he liked.

Karen was thinking of the past, that something, which caused Ken to enter a hurtful relationship with his crush then. She flashed back as she took the bus to her workplace...

---

"Hey dodo bird! Look at your table! I see a love letter..." Karen said, as if she wanted to sabotage her friend. But in fact it was her own doing.

"Oh my god, Ken! You have a secret admirer? Could it be Jasmine?" Ken's best friend, Zachary, said as he rubbed his chin with his left hand.

"Come on, cut it out, how can it be her?" Ken said, as he examined the drawing on his table.

"Look! It even have your name and hers on it! JL&WJ! Jasmine Lin & Wei Jie," Zachary said, as he pointed at the marking on the table.

"My God, it's true, but how can it be her christian name and my chinese name? Shouldn't the JL be her chinese initials..." Ken pondered. Karen's chinese initials were JL, JieLing.

"Ask her and you'll know it! Or even better, this is your chance to confess!" Zachary suggested, full of confidence.

"Zack, I don't know..." Ken stuttered as Zachary dragged the former to Jasmine's class. Whatever happened after that, wasn't important, the main point is, Ken made the wrong move. After his small confession, Jasmine agreed to go steady with Ken. Jasmine was quite well-known of being a flirt and heart-breaker, but Ken was blinded by love.

After 1 month of pain, Ken finally decided to agree to Jasmine's break up. Within the short period of time, Ken experienced the feeling of being two-timed at least three times. This three times were coincidental, because he chanced upon seeing Jasmine hugging another guy, kissing another guy, even petting with another guy. Ken was deeply hurt by Jasmine, and Jasmine was his first ever girlfriend. His pain was indescribable, luckily Karen was there to console him.

"Hey miss! We're at the interchange already!" the bus driver said, as Karen came out from her flash back.

Remember the last time you had a real good talk with your parents? Some of you readers might have just went out and have had a great time with your parents, but most of us, how many of us really talk to our parents? Especially when it comes to personal stuff like boy-girl relationships, homework, bad days at school, quarrels with our best friends? We take for granted that our parents are always there for us, always clearing our mess after we're done with almost everything. But when we're really on our own, we will feel that we're not that great without our parents after all. Most of the time, we feel our mother or father is a great nag, but when we lose them, we'll realize, they're actually very important in our lives. Do you really cherish your parents?

2008-07-04T20:07:00.000+08:00

Secondary School Sweetheart

Chapter 6

Ken stretched our his left hand to help Karen up. Karen's legs were filled with abrasions, from the fall while struggling with Joe. Ken had to carry Karen home because she had difficulty walking.

"Are you sure you can lift me up? I'm pretty heavy," Karen asked.

"Are you kidding me? You're so light!" Ken boasted, as he carried Karen up with ease. He staggered back to Karen's block.

"Ken, let's go back to your apartment instead, I don't want my parents to worry about me," Karen requested.

"All right then, but make sure you don't do anything funny to me while I'm sleeping! I'm still an innocent young man," Ken joked, as he giggled.

"Oh please, dodo bird, look yourself in the mirror, who would want to take advantage of you? More like I'm afriad that you will chi wo dou fu," Karen shot back, as she laughed out.

Ken had to sleep on the floor, since he gave up his bed for Karen. His mother didn't ask much, because Karen used to frequent Ken's house when they were in secondary school. They were really like 'brothers' during those times. Although, it was always known among Karen's close friends that Karen actually liked Ken. But time has passed, feelings may have faded, or not?

---

"Dodo bird! Wake up!" Karen shouted at Ken's ears, as she pointed at the clock. 0654 hours. Karen's reporting time for work is 9am.

"Huh, uh, uh huh," Ken mumbled, as he pulls the blanket to cover himself.

"WAKE UP!" Karen shouted once more, and this made Ken sprung out of bed.

"Huh, who what when where why? Oh, Karen, wait for me to wash up first. Uh, we'll have breakfast at the coffee shop nearby. It's been a week since I had the half boiled egg and toast," Ken said as he yawned and stretched his back.

---

"Ken, you still remember our scandal during the secondary school days?" Karen asked, seriously.

"Yeah I sure do. I remember the times when I got suan-ed so badly, but I kinda enjoyed it, haha," Ken laughed.

"Why did you enjoy it?" Karen asked, with her eyes wide opened. "Did you really like me?"

"Huh? What are you talking about? We're brothers right..." Ken said, as his voice get softer.

"Dodo bird, if I told you I liked you all the long... Even now, would you believe?" Karen asked, in a very serious tone.

"Err, Karen, don't joke about these things... It's not funny you know," Ken stuttered, as he scratches his head.

"Haha dodo bird! I got you!" Karen laughed, but deep down in her heart, she liked Ken still. "I already have a boyfriend! How can I like you?"

"Oh that's a relief... By the way, are you okay? Yesterday had a fight with him? It seemed serious..." Ken asked.

"Well it's nothing much lah..." Karen said.

"Actually I like you still dodo bird..." Karen whispered to herself.

Do singaporeans realize that they are very fortunate to be born in this country? Many other people from all over the world, have different fate as us. Some of them suffer from starvation, disasters, all kinds of hardships. But how many of us really do treasure being born in singapore, this tiny little country? Most of us, take it for granted that we're born in this country. Most of us, do not realize that it's a blessing to be in singapore.

2008-07-03T11:21:00.000+08:00

Secondary School Sweetheart

Chapter 5

Karen drove the both of them to the nearest pub. The pub just opened, and there weren't much people in it. The both of them sat at one corner, and ordered a dozen cans of tiger beer. Ken pulled his sleeve, 2243 hours. It was about time for Ken to go home, but he decided to accompany Karen while she finishes the beer, and at least send her home.

Karen downed one can. Two cans, half a dozen, nine. Ken drank the remaining, not because he wanted to help Karen finish it, but because he felt like drowning himself too. Karen wasn't drunk after drinking 9 cans of beer, surprisingly. On the other hand, after drinking mere three cans of beer, Ken was knocked out. Instead of Ken sending Karen home, Karen sent Ken home.

"Oh my god, you're such a lousy drinker, dodo bird," said Karen, while she fastens the seat belt of the taxi for Ken. Karen didn't get any reply, she only heard mumbles.

Soon, the cab arrived at Ken's house, and she used all her might, to drag Ken up to his apartment. Karen rang the door bell.

"Who's there at this time of the night?" said Ken's mother, in a very tired tone. As the door opened, Karen saw the clock. 0217 hours. It's 2am already, she have work the next day, unlike Ken, since it's his last paper the day before.

After dragging Ken to his bed, she headed home. She took a stroll, along the park near the void deck of Ken's block. She remembered the times, when the both of them go home from school together. She smiled to herself.

Suddenly, a man grabbed Karen's hand. Karen turned around, to the force that is inflicting pain on her left palm. It was her boyfriend, Joe. Before Joe could even say anything, Karen broke free from his grip and slapped his left cheek real hard. Joe retaliated by slapping her back. Karen fell to the floor, having her left palm on her left cheek, her nose slightly bleeding. Karen cried.

"Bitch! I came to find you, and you slapped me!" Joe shouted at Karen's ear, as his saliva splashed out of his mouth and onto Karen's hair. He pulled Karen up by her hair, Karen didn't felt the physical pain, but the emotional pain. She kicked Joe in the stomach and scolded back.

"I don't need a boyfriend, who goes out and flirt and only comes to me when he's ditched by his other girlfriends outside! Get lost!" Karen shouted back, and unable to control her tears.

"All right then, I'll disappear from your sight. And now, I ditch you, not the other way round," Joe said, proudly, but having his two hands on his stomach and bending slightly forward.

"GET LOST! NOW!" Karen shouted, as she pointed away.

She cried on her own, squatting down in the middle of the car park.

"Karen, is that you? Come on, hold yourself together," a voice said.

"Huh? Ken?" Karen said, wiping her tears away.

"Who else? You thought I was drunk huh," Ken said, but at the same time, he hiccuped.

Humans are weird creatures. They have to experience lost, before they cherish. How many of us, know what's the meaning of cherish before it is lost? Most of the time, it's regret after it is lost. We have to learn it the hard way, before it gets into our heads. To experience the lost of the presence of a person you see everyday, or every now and then, is a terrible thing. It's like having one of your body parts amputated.

2008-07-02T16:21:00.000+08:00

Secondary School Sweetheart

Chapter 4

"Hello? Dodo bird, you can come back in now," Karen said, with her nose blocked.

"Thank God, it was almost an hour already, luckily you called me back, if not I would have went home!" Ken said on the phone, brisk walking back to Karen's office.

"Are you alright now Karen? What's wro..." Ken was interrupted by a loud voice.

"CAN YOU STOP ASKING AND JUST COME BACK?" Karen raised her voice over the phone, and hung up.

Ken walked towards her office, and wanted to sit down beside her. Before Ken could even pull the chair out, he felt a strong force embracing him. It was Karen. He couldn't see anything, except Karen's long brown-dyed hair. Within seconds, he could feel dampness on his right shoulder.

Ken didn't know what to say to Karen. All he could do is stand there, like a pillar, and give Karen warmth, for the point of time. Karen hugged Ken, even tighter, till he can't breath. She kept crying and crying, it was like an endless thunderstorm, what was missing was lightning. Lightning came, as soon as Karen kept pounding Ken's back. Ken didn't breath a word, he standed there like a dead pillar, because that was the only thing he thought he could do for her.

"WHY, WHY HAS HE HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME! NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE, NOT THRICE EVEN! UMPTEEN TIMES! WHY HE HAVE TO CHEAT ON ME!" Karen screamed and shouted, and at the same time crying. Of course, she did went off pitch too, when people talk while they're crying, they often go off pitch, and they sound like they're screeching.

Ken don't know what went over him, he raised his arms, and hugged Karen too. But just as Ken wrapped his arms around Karen's waist, Karen pushed Ken aside and slapped him.

"Why are you hugging me? Are you trying to take advantage of me?" Karen shouted, as though Ken had molested her.

"Hey, you hugged me! Besides, I thought hugging you might have helped," Ken said, in guilt.

Karen took her bag and stormed to her boss' office. After a few minutes she came out.

"Dodo bird, let's go drink. I told my boss that I'm taking the rest of the day off." Karen said, as she dragged Ken out of the shop and her office.

When people comes across obstacles, comes across problems. Or when they experience hardship, they will often ask themselves, is this the most painful thing on earth? Or when they experience achievement, they will often ask themselves, is this the most blessed thing on earth? Actually, love, is the most painful thing, as well as the most blessed thing, that can happen to a person. No love, no pain, no bless.

2008-07-01T19:21:00.001+08:00

Secondary School Sweetheart

Chapter 3

"Hello?" Karen asked.

"Hello, is this Karen?" questioned Ken.

"Yes, who is this speaking?" Karen asked, puzzled who would call her. Most of the people who called her are usually customers. Usually those who are either looking for repairs of their mobile phones or to complain about the mobile phones.

"Hi Karen, this is Ken. I dropped my mobile phone earlier this morning and I lost my battery. It fell off the bus stairs, damn. Would you mind helping me fix it?" pleaded Ken, reluctantly.

"Okay sure, I'll send you the address of my office in a minute via SMS," said Karen, and she hung up.

"Bukit Panjang Plaza. #03-42"

Ken headed straight to the bus stop outside Ngee Ann Polytechnic and took the bus to Bukit Panjang MRT.

Soon Ken alighted from his bus and brisk walked towards Bukit Pangjang Plaza, his spoilt mobile phone in his hand.

Ken was a lazy young man, he didn't like taking the stairs or escalators. Usually he would take the lift, but for this time, since the escalators would be faster, he hurriedly up the escalators and searched for #03-42, Karen's office.

"Hey Ken, over here!" Ken heard a voice and looked around him.

"Here Ken, are you blind as always or what?" Karen complained as Ken finally spotted her office.

"You have been walking around level 3 right? I've seen you pass by my office a couple of times." Karen said, knocking Ken's head.

"Hey, that hurts, and didn't people tell you that knocking on people's head will make them stupid?" Ken snapped back at Karen while the latter knocked his head continuously.

Ken his mobile phone over to Karen and let her inspect it. Karen took out a toolbox and grabbed a Samsung Battery. She started fixing his mobile phone and within 10 minutes, Ken's mobile phone was working again.

"Hey dodo bird, where's your back cover of your phone? Don't tell me you lost it too," Karen questioned Ken.

"Well, I dropped it on the floor while trying to keep the name card that you gave me..." Ken explained, kneading his index fingers against each other.

"Don't act cute Ken, only dodo birds do that," Karen laughed as she spoke.

"Hey, but aren't I a dodo bird to you? Haha!" Ken joked back.

Karen laughed non stop and passed him the mobile phone, after fixing the back cover for him too.

Suddenly, Karen's phone rang.

"Hello dear? What's up?" Karen asked.

Karen was silent for very long. Ken helped himself to the cookies on her table. After finishing all the cookies up, he looked at Karen. She's looking on the floor, like as if she's finding something. But she stared at the floor, as if there was a thousand dollar note on the floor but she couldn't reach it. Ken looked at the floor too, the same spot Karen is looking at.

"Hey Karen, whispering lovey-dovey stuff to your DEAR? Why can't I hear you talking?" Ken joked.

He didn't get his reply. He noticed that the spot was wet with a few droplets of water. Karen is crying. Ken was shocked and baffled by what he saw.

"Karen, are you crying? What's wrong?" Ken asked, in a concerned tone.

"No... Nothing." Karen replied. She sounded as if she had a running nose.

"Dodo bird, would you mind getting lost for 5 minutes? I'll call you back later," Karen said, trying to hold back her tears.

"Alright..." Ken replied, in a frightened tone.

When good things, always come in huge amounts, as time passes, we take things for granted. We all can say this, but when it happens to ourselves, we love to deny. We can accept facts that happen to others, especially those tragic or sad ones, but when it comes to ourselves, humans, can't accept it.

2008-07-01T00:08:00.000+08:00

Secondary School Sweetheart

Chapter 2

"Kar... Karen? Is that you?" stuttered Ken, bewildered.

"KEN? So it's you, this inconsiderate ungentlemanly man, haha," laughed Karen.

"Hey... After all you were my "xiao lao po" back then!" joked Ken.

"Yeah sure, that was for fun only right? Don't tell me these 5 years you still want to woo me?" Karen laughed loudly.

For some reason, Ken felt his heart beating a tad faster.

"N... No, of course not! Haha! Who would fall for you? So violent and uncouth," stuttered Ken, his heart beat increasing gradually.

"You! This kind of ungentlemanly man, that is," replied Karen.

There was a moment of silence. Ken didn't know what to say, because his heart was thumping pretty fast. He had no clue why he had this feeling, but he felt warmth throughout his whole body. As in he had drank alcohol.

"Hey, Ken, you can't be serious right? I know I'm attractive now, stop ogling at my like that," joked Karen.

"Hey, don't be a snub now. But honestly, you've changed quite a lot," said Ken.

"Of course, I've changed for the person I like! Haha! Just kidding. Anyway can you believe it? I liked him for a very long time even. But I doubt he likes me, judging from..." Karen was interrupted by the bus.

"Hey, look Ken, I'm in a rush, catch you sometime later okay? Maybe you can ring me up for coffee. Here, my name card," Karen said hurriedly and stuffed her name card into Ken's hand. Ken watched as Karen boarded the bus, and right behind her bus, is the bus he need to take to school.

While Ken keeps the name card before he even read it, since he needed to tap his bus card on the card reader, he drops his mobile phone. It landed the floor and the back cover of his mobile phone slided across the bus floor. His battery dropped off the bus stairs and onto the road. Before Ken could reach out to take the battery after he picked up his "injured" phone, the bus door closed and the bus started moving.

"Shucks, just my luck," complained Ken. He went to find a seat at the back of the bus and decided to take a short nap.

Soon, Ken reached Ngee Ann Polytechnic. He pulled his sleeve and looked at his watch. 1210 hours. Just nice to grab a bite before entering the lecture hall to take the test.

He arrived at the canteen and decided to eat chicken rice. He drew his wallet from his back pocket of his skinny jeans and took out a two-dollar note. While he was paying, a card dropped out of his wallet.

"I'm sorry, hang on, I'll pick up my card," explained Ken. He looked at the card. "Karen Tay, Singtel Mobile Phone Sales Assistant, Mobile Number: 98765432" Great! He could approach Karen to repair his mobile phone, besides, his phone is already three years old. It might be time he had to change a phone. So after his test, he went to a public phone and dialed 96385274...

Everyday is like routine to most of us. Alarm rings, you wake up, eat breakfast, go to school, listen to teacher/lecturer or go to work, face your computer, time to dismiss/knockoff, you go home, eat dinner, sleep. And this cycle goes on and on. We love to deny facts, but in the future, we will realize, all of these, can't be denied anymore, because it becomes part of our habitual lifestyle.

2008-06-30T20:27:00.000+08:00

Secondary School Sweetheart

Chapter 1

"GOAL!" exclaimed Ken. Ken was an ordinary 20 year old young man. He's just like any other person, he have his likes, dislikes, and of course, hobbies and interests. He loves to watch soccer, although most of the time he don't usually play it. He loves the thrill and excitement whenever he sees the striker score a goal. And of course, he would shout out very loud and drag the word "GOAL!", because to him is a form of stress relief. It was 2am in the morning, and his parents woke up, because of the din he is creating.

Ken heard three knocks on his door. He knew that the knocks weren't a good sign.

"Open the door, Ken! You're watching late night soccer again!" scolded his mum. Upon hearing this, he quickly grabbed the remote control and pressed the switch off button, and plunged into his bed, along with his blanket covering himself.

"Huh? Who's there... Mum? I think you're hearing things, you're too tired, now go to sleep will you? Hehe," Ken tried his best to make his voice sound as if he just woke up.

"Oh is it? Okay then, get back to sleep, you still have a test tomorrow," reminded the 38-year-old mother.

---

Soon, it was 9am in the morning. Ken woke up and stretched his back. He scratched his head and tidy up his hair. He had to report at the polytechnic at 1pm, and he went through his textbook once more before heading off to school.

It was another sunny morning, Ken pulled his sleeve and looked at his watch. 1107 hours. As he lifted his head, he knocked into a young lady.

"Oh I'm so sorry," apologized Ken.

"Hey, you stepped on my feet! Guys nowadays, are so inconsiderate!" the lady complained.

"But I apolo..." Ken looked at the grumpy young lady; she looked VERY familiar. It's his secondary school classmate!

Sometimes, coincidences are what you need. Miracles, are made to be believed. Miracles, are actually NOT miracles, they're just what humans perceive them as it is. If you think it's a miracle, it's a miracle, at least, to you.

2008-06-30T20:26:00.000+08:00

This blog is mainly for stories only, nothing else.

My stories, either you read, or don't read. Simple as that.